To expect a better bye than this?

[CraftyMentor]

I’m leaving my current place of work. Things happened very fast. I work on education. I applied for a role on a Monday which offered progression. Got shortlisted on a Thursday, got called into interview and landed the job on the Monday following on.

I had wanted to leave for a while. I pushed through for a long time but I hit breaking point and just needed to go. HT found out through LM this Tuesday. The whole week went by and I never got a congratulations or anything.

Decided that today I’d hand my notice in and I do hard copy and email copy. Decided to pop in and speak to the HT about this and formalise it ans as a matter of courtesy just leave on a good note sent her an email asking when she was free. Got back “super busy. Free after x time if you’re in” . I walked into the office and got “ I already know what you’re going to say anyway before you say it. I asked your LM because I needed to know things from a staffing POV.(not wanted to know if you were successful so I could wish you the best or anything) So I said “yes I just wanted to have a quick chat really that’s all and let you know considering it’s been 3 years I’ve been here” and I got “can you ask your school to push back the start date” my response was “it’s not negotiable unfortunately”

some of the slt have said they’d miss me someone else who is slt also mentioned id be hard to replace etc but. I actually would have appreciated it if the ht offered me that same reception.

AIBU for expecting a bit more than this. (Not blowing my trumpet but I know I’m good at what I do and dedicated to it.)

I presume you aren't actually leaving until the end of term? What do you expect at this point, everyone telling you how fantastic you are and begging you to stay?

For your HT and SLT you are another decent teacher moving on, however much they liked you and felt you were doing a good job, but they've got other priorities. They have now got problem of how to fill your job in a difficult market.

When you leave, I imagine you'll get what most people in the working world get - a card and a gift and, if you are lucky a nice speech. Next day, everything will move on without you.

That's the reality of the working world.

Maybe they will say that you when you actually leave, right now they need to sort the practicalities.

Yabu. Why do you want a fanfare. Wait till your last day and feel salty then if you must

You're leaving. It's an inconvenience for the HT as they now have to replace you. But that's all it is, an inconvenience, because no matter how good you think you are or anyone else tells you they are, you're just a person who does a job that someone else will be doing once you leave. It's all any of us are as paid employees. So maybe stop expecting fanfare and you'll be less disappointed when you don't get it 🤷‍♀️

Nobody cares. Honestly.

At our school, it’s considered a courtesy to let the head know if you are going for an interview, which is possibly quite old fashioned, but it’s what everyone does at our place. They may feel you have behaved badly; our Head certainly would feel that way.

I know what you mean - it always feels a bit flat because you are excited but everyone else is just thinking "Oh shit, now we have a long drawn out recruitment process, the risk of a new team member, all the tiresome settling in, and then who knows if they even stay?" It's only natural.

Congratulations though!

Maybe the fact that you've wanted to leave for a while, has something to do with the HT's attitude OP?

I've worked for a place for 29 yrs. I didn't get much more than that.

She already knew you'd been offered the job via your line manager by the sound of it - you waited a week to formally resign, and expect her to drop any meetings she had arranged - or anything else she was dealing with, such as a safeguarding issue - to ask if you'd been successful, when she already knew the outcome.

Just confirm your resignation in an email.

I imagine the loss of a good teacher is first and foremost a disappointment and inconvenience to her, and she hasnt the good grace to put that aside to observe the courtesies. She may also be a 'staff as tools' type, interested in you only in as far as you are a means to achieve her goals, but not as a person.

No I told her. She knew.

If the HT has known about this for a few days, had to hear it from someone else and you're only just speaking to them about it now; that's maybe why they're not ringing the bells for you. However much they may value you, ultimately it's really hard to replace good teachers.

It’s nice to know you are valued sometimes. I think it’s just transactional now.

She may have known about the interview but you hadn't been and spoken to her personally about it until. Few days after she found out.

Was it a Monday this week you found out you were successful?

Ok so, I couldn’t speak to her sooner because I texted my lm in the morning asked her not to disclose. She did it anyway. Then, when I wanted to talk I was teaching back to back with duties. I just didn’t get the chance. Honestly. I updated her every step of the way. And yes. It’s hard to replace but if I could explain my experience all I’ll say is I was in tears nearly every day after work. But I never ever let my kids down. I’m not being big headed but I’ve built such good positive relationships with my pupils. But it wasn’t enough to keep me going.

I think we all learn sooner or later that workplaces don't care. Right now they're focused on finding your replacement/getting things sorted without replacing you.

No but that’s actually true tbh I know it😂 but it’s nice to hear a “well sorry to hear your going. I wish you well”

As a HT I think this is poor. Of course when staff leave, it is a hassle - but that’s life. People move on and it’s right that there is some movement, especially when staff are seeking progression. It would be the reasonable and nice thing to do to wish your staff member best of luck and congratulations. I wouldn’t take it personally- I imagine they will simply be doing continuity planning and that can be complex.

Probably. Should have addressed the culture then instead🤷‍♀️

I followed every part of policy that I was required to:

1. mentioned I was making a speculative application
2. mentioned I would be listing ht as a referee
3. i was shortlisted
4. I said to my LM I needed the day for interview.
5. I went to interview amongst 6 other candidates I got the role in management (something I wasn’t being offered here) but I was doing the role of management where I was just unpaid
6. I told my line manager. I said please don’t say anything till I can get the change
7. HT asked LM
8. LM told HT
9. i felt awkward
10. I emailed and asked for a quick chat and just got “really busy. Free at x time if you can”
11. soon as I sat down I got a cold reception. And “I only asked your LM. If you got it due to staffing levels”
12. then mentioned a pointed comment about leadership in my new school
13. Then asked if I can move my start date
14. well after all that, no!

Listen, we are all just a number in the workplace. My team manager is brutal about people leaving. She couldn't give one shiny shit other than the hassle of replacing them. I think she's actually secretly pleased when one of the long-timers leaves because she knows she can replace them with an ass-kissing promotion-hunter yes-person. The older lot are more forthright and opinionated, and she can't stand to be challenged (especially if the challenger is right!)

I've a colleague who retired recently after an entire lifetime working in the organisation since they left school, and are in their mid 60s. Not a thing has been done. I've raised it, and got nowhere. I think it's disgusting.

In no time at all, it will be "Crafty" who? same as it will be "Runner" who for me. I worked in the same place for 20 years at one point, and tbf they did give me a decent send-off but in 8 years I've met up with one person twice, and that was only because they were off on long term sick leave. Some of them like my posts sometimes on Facebook!!!

Don't overthink it, really. It's not personal. Just be glad you're escaping... and look after number 1. Good luck with the new job.

Thanks man. Much appreciated

Ah sounds like it’s the right move for you and this will hopefully confirm it for you.
it is a shame you’ve been on the receiving end on hostility like this- you are entitled to apply for other roles and sounds like you have been transparent throughout the whole process.

I said what the role was and she just proceeded to mention an individual in leadership there being somewhat intimidating and rude. I have really tried to be nice and kind and professional about the whole thing from start to finish. But at this point. I don’t see why I bothered.