'My job is more tiring than yours'

[Japanese2024]

Yesterday my husband told me 'my job is more tiring than yours'. Aibu?

I am a teacher. He is a set designer. He works freelance, works tirelessly on a show and then has a block of time off/preparing for rehersals. Yesterday morning I was up early to interview for a head teacher role. I was out of the house before 7. He had a show opening so he worked from 11 until he could sneak out of the opening night drinks.

I attended the opening night too and the drinks afterwards to celebrate with his colleagues. On the drive home, DH was complaining of how tired he was. How he was up early. How he's wrecked. I mentioned how I was up at dawn and was told 'well your work isn't as tiring'. I feel quite undermined and it's playing on my mind that he sees my job this way.

(And before anyone starts saying teachers have it easy, I can see that from the outside but I run half term/summer camps for extra money and work breakfast club)

Teacher here - he’s minimising your role. Put him straight ! Happy half term btw if you are off.

I vaguely tried to say 'I'd love to see you with 30 kids a day' but I just went quiet. He has a number of teacher best friends too

I once 'shadowed' a teacher at my child's school so that I could get a clear idea of what a day in school was like at the time. I was absolutely shattered by the end of the day. The job seems far more demanding than a lot of people realise, so put him straight OP.

I hate these conversations, people are allowed to be stressed or tired regardless of their roles. It’s not a competition of who has it worse.

No one will ever know unless you do both roles (around the same age as life throws different curves balls / maturity etc and you aren’t the same person at 20 vs 40)

I would avoid getting into the conversation with your DH on who has it worse and just point out the above.

This!! No one ever wins at misery top trumps!

most people think their job is tiring. It’s not always the job specifically, sometimes it’s how much you care about doing it well.

No I’m more tired and miserable, no I’m more tired and miserable!
Imo this just shows a lack of respect for each other.

I wasn't miserable but maybe I shouldn't have mentioned being up early. I wanted my day somewhat acknowledged too but I didn't expect the job comment

Well strangely enough I have worked as a scenic artist/set decorator and a teacher. And I would say being a teacher is more relentless, when I worked as a set decorator it was intense and then over and done with. The teaching just went on and on and on.

He’s wrong - but why does he care?

There ain’t no tired like teacher tired. Maybe ‘cardiac surgeon after a heart transplant’ tired, but that’s all I can think of.

A & E nurse tired?

Me and OH work in (different) mentally and physically and emotionally draining roles. When we feel like saying something along those lines we say ‘we are both working very hard and trying our best’ to each other. I find it reminds us to have empathy for each other and that we are a team.

people are allowed to be overwhelmed and exhausted no matter what their role is.

This! Yes teachers work hard but if they slack
no one is going to die. Jobs with life changing responsibilities are clearly more tiring.

There are a huge number of roles as and more tiring than being a teacher. Teachers don’t have the monopoly on the hardest job in the world.

But why did you need your day acknowledged because he said he was tired after a long periods of time preparing for a show and it finally opening?
Can neither of you care and give the other one empathy and love without thinking about what you’re immediately getting in return?
The one upmanship isn’t a sign of a good partnership.

I hate competitive tiredness. Like when parents will say to someone without kids that they can’t be tired because they don’t have kids - yes they can. It’s a really dickish thing to say. It feels like you think your job is more important and more tiring than his because you say he has big blocks of time off after when you go on to clarify that your big blocks of time off you’re still busy. I can’t imagine the creativity just stops and if he’s freelance he’ll be marketing himself in that time and updating his portfolio.

You both need to acknowledge that you have tiring jobs and jobs that you put a lot of yourself into. They are both jobs that you are only going to if you have a deep passion for the work and that is going to be tiring. It’s also not a case of swapping to see who has it worst because of you don’t have the skills for his job and vice versa, it’s going to be harder and more tiring.

I think because I had an interview, I wanted that acknowledged after hours of listening to the tiredness complaints. It was meant to be an evening of celebration for his work

I don't in ANY shape or form think either job is more tiring. I couldn't do his job for a second, it's stressful and physical. We're both very lucky to have the jobs we have, compared to many careers

I could NEVER be a teacher so I take my hat off to all teachers. My partners a long haul lorry driver works away Monday - Friday and I have a technical job working from home and office. His job is physically tiring where as mines is more mentally tiring. However we both understand this from each other xx

Surely you can understand that he’s not specifically tired from one day but from the cumulation of work and the project finishing?

I'm also aware I am lucky to not need as much sleep. He sleeps on average 9/10 hours a night and is often wrecked due to the physical demands of his work. I am lucky to not need that

It's not a competition. Maybe you could both intentionally listen to hear rather than listen to respond. Both show each other a bit of empathy and support. This isn't a criticism btw ☺️. We all do this and it takes a conscious effort not to

In my experience teachers think they have the monopoly on stress and noone else is allowed to be tired or stressed or fed up!
It's not a competition. We are allowed to be stressed too!

This times 1000xxxxx

I'm a teacher, I have so many friends outside of education that think it's an easy job. One of my ex colleagues seems to think it's an easy cushy job and I can leave at 3 with the kids…