'My job is more tiring than yours'

[Japanese2024]

Yesterday my husband told me 'my job is more tiring than yours'. Aibu?

I am a teacher. He is a set designer. He works freelance, works tirelessly on a show and then has a block of time off/preparing for rehersals. Yesterday morning I was up early to interview for a head teacher role. I was out of the house before 7. He had a show opening so he worked from 11 until he could sneak out of the opening night drinks.

I attended the opening night too and the drinks afterwards to celebrate with his colleagues. On the drive home, DH was complaining of how tired he was. How he was up early. How he's wrecked. I mentioned how I was up at dawn and was told 'well your work isn't as tiring'. I feel quite undermined and it's playing on my mind that he sees my job this way.

(And before anyone starts saying teachers have it easy, I can see that from the outside but I run half term/summer camps for extra money and work breakfast club)

The celebration of his work for you is a chance to celebrate his work. You’re tired and you still have to be on it but it’s not work for you at that point. It’s making small talk after a long day of work, yes it’s tiring but it’s not work. The celebration drinks for his work, he is still working. Even if he has a drink in his hand, he was still working. He would be networking, building contacts, planning his next piece of work.

Did he ask you how your interview had gone?

@WhereIsMyLight He said he didn't have the energy to talk about it afterwards but he did ask this morning

I carved pumpkins with 32, 9 year olds today so with DH I win the tiredness of the day competition. But I am off for a week now so it's swings and roundabouts!

I think his event was probably a big thing signifying the end of his project & he was probably just tired. I imagine project work is a different pace & would just let him have his moment. I'm a teacher but don't think MN is especially tolerant of teachers saying they are tired 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sorry opening night - that must also be stressful...

To be clear, I also don't think being a teacher is that tiring. I feel really lucky to not do shift work and have a work life balance with DS.

But I'm allowed feel thrown my husband has belittled my work

My DH does a relatively low stress desk job. He works full time.
I work p/t in a very physical job.

If we find ourselves having this conversation, one of us will start saying ‘I’m soooo the most, completely more tired than anyone has ever been, in the history of the world’ etc etc to highlight the stupidity of the conversation and lighten the mood.

It works well.
We both work hard and are sometimes both tired.

The event was late yesterday, so he didn’t ask about your interview at all yesterday? He only asked about it this morning?

I think because you’re both tired after long days, you’ve been derailed into competitive tiredness. Which is never going to help any situation. The real issue is that it was a big day for both of you yesterday but he didn’t ask about your big thing whilst you are at his big thing smiling and saying how wonderful he is. I think you can be annoyed he didn’t acknowledge it was a big day for you. I think you have allowed your tiredness to cloud how you bring that up, which we all do. This was yesterday though so you’re still ruminating on it. Is that because you generally feel he doesn’t appreciate your big days or because you’re still tired?

It wasn't about not being asked, I honestly had found it jarring listening to him being very negative for the evening and repetative in terms of tiredness. This is an ongoing trend, maybe I don't fully understand his work and this thread may help that

This often happens during rehearsals/show openings but I don't want my husband belittling my work to emphasis his

Very annoying for you. Your jobs are different and impossible to say whose is more tiring, but it's not a competition. Maybe you are both tired.