Partner refusing to pay child maintenance

[Evecob]

My husband and I are recently separated. He is abusive and i recently contacted the police regarding an incident where he was driving and threw things at me, revved the car and shouted verbal abuse. This was infront of the kids. Things were not good before this either but this was my last straw.

I reported it the day after and kept in touch with police who arrested him 5 weeks later after enough evidence of past abuse and this incident was collected. He chose to no comment everything and bail conditions are to not return to the family home for 3 months. If he admitted it he would have been put on a DV course and still have access to the house. So i feel he is choosing this option as much as I made it happen.

This was 5 days ago and I have been here in the house just me and kids. He has moved to his dads. I have agreed to take on all the household bills, joint car loan (as i drive the car with loan) and mortgage payments. I have requested as the kids will be with me the majority of the time and sleep at my house (no space for them at his dads and honestly its not the best environment) that he gives 400 per month for child maintenance. I went on the gov website which showed 496 per month for 2 children and no sleeps... im not sure if it matters if he sees them a few times during the week in the day as well which might be the plan? He now has no bills to worry about and ample spending money. I now have almost my full salary on bills and all other expenses with little play money left.

Either way he doesnt seem to want to pay this. Am i being unreasonable to ask this amount?

Advice welcome as never been in this situation before.

Of course you’re not. He needs to pay towards his kids!

If he is employed rather than self employed just go through the CMS. It won't be quick, but will only run from the day you apply so just do it.

I'd also ask him for half the mortgage payment or at the very least keep track of the extra you've paid to reclaim in the divorce if he is refusing to contribute whilst his name remains on the asset.

Contact cms

Go via CMS. They’ll take it from his salary.

Please put a claim in through CMS, your children deserve the full amount and you deserve for him not to hold the uncertainty that he'll pay you over your head.

What a bastard.

And no in terms of the CMS it is only actual overnight stays that make any difference. (So be careful if he does find a way of doing the overnight it is a 24hr period of responsibility - including costs!)

Are you really surprised that this abusive man won’t agree to pay for his own children? Go through CMS, his children deserve to be financially supported by their father.

Sorry i wasnt 100% clear in first post, i think what he would like to do is for me to tell him the things that I buy and put half the amount in after i tell him... which sounds unreasonable to me, 1 we cannot communicate for 3 months all communication is via his dad, 2. There could be multiple things and its a lot of mental load to be on me. 3 i would have to wait for him to xfer it. It feels controlling and doesnt include all the other basic necessities the kids need..... so i would rather agree a lump sum...

Anddddd this is why the cms exists, don’t know why so many women struggle to just contact the cms you don’t need his permission.

It doesn’t matter what he wants. Forget him and go through the official channels.

Apply via cm. Also check if you now qualify for benefits. Including the council tax single person discount.

He is also requesting I pay half for the car seats he will now have to purchase, and for me to pick up the kids from his house. This costs me in petrol money not him. I want to male sure im not being taken for a fool here. I agreed to pay half for the carseats but i dont feel i should pay anything if he wont pay child maintenance....

Thanks, I have emailed the council about the single person discount. I wont be eligible for benefits as my salary is 37800 basic.

Gently OP, you need to break free of your conditioning to give a fuck about what he thinks/wants. Who cares? Don’t pay half for the bloody car seats, he’s not contributing to half the mortgage but he’ll still expect to benefit from it. Just go through CMS and stop engaging with him,

He really is taking you for a ride isn't he?
Can you even afford to take on all these expenses?
You need legal advice asap.
I wouldn't be paying his share of the mortgage while his name is on the deeds and the mortgage. I wouldn't trust him an inch.

If you pay for childcare, universal credit can help. According to lots newspaper articles. Try it, the worst they will say is no.

www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/cost-of-living/martin-lewis-mse-issues-1739-29575123

Put a claim in for CMS, he will also have to cover what they need when with him, including car seats. Regarding picking them up, I would agree as it means he won't be able to mess you around with being early / late and trying to affect your free time. He should then pick them up from yours though when they are going to his.

This is abusive and controlling behaviour from your ex.
Don't tolerate it, and as others have said, go straight through to the CMS. He'll only muck you around if you don't.
In your shoes, I wouldn't go anywhere near him when the kids see him. Do you have anyone who could do the handover somewhere in public that suits you, and could his father bring them back? Could your ex make any arrangements with anyone else that would be acceptable to you? He needs to be responsible for organising arrangements that are acceptable and workable for you and the kids.

Go to cms best to have it all done officially.

@Evecob OP are you reading what posters are saying? they are saying to go through CMS. this is child maintenance service and they actually collect the money in a lump sum from his wages and send it directly to you! please do that.

As a divorced father, who paid without being kicked, (though I wanted 50:50 care) - just go straight to the CMS, don't bugger about, this is a control thing, depersonalise it by making it entirely the CMS who do it all. Ride them and remind them though, it's slow going sometimes. He will only owe you from the date you contact them, so go now.

Agree with going to CMS.
With regards to benefits, I earn more than you and still got help with childcare costs. Really surprised me but it made a huge difference while my youngest was still at nursery. I wouldn't have been able to afford childcare on top of the mortgage and other costs.
Once she started school, I didn't need the help with childcare anymore, but it really made a big difference and helped me Bridge that gap until the house was sold and DD started school. Just one less thing to worry about.
Your ex should still pay maintenance though as well.
Oh, and while you're getting yourself organised, file for divorce if you haven't already.
Good luck. You are doing the right thing.

Why are you asking for 400 when it says 496?

You don't need to communicate with him. If you go through cms they will do that

I applied to universal credit, but they said i would only get 22 a month based on my current net pay, savings, and the fact we dont pay for after school clubs etc. so i havent persued this route.

I have just applied for cms now though thank you for all the advice so far. Its stressful having to wait for a reply from his dad.