Partner refusing to pay child maintenance

[Evecob]

My husband and I are recently separated. He is abusive and i recently contacted the police regarding an incident where he was driving and threw things at me, revved the car and shouted verbal abuse. This was infront of the kids. Things were not good before this either but this was my last straw.

I reported it the day after and kept in touch with police who arrested him 5 weeks later after enough evidence of past abuse and this incident was collected. He chose to no comment everything and bail conditions are to not return to the family home for 3 months. If he admitted it he would have been put on a DV course and still have access to the house. So i feel he is choosing this option as much as I made it happen.

This was 5 days ago and I have been here in the house just me and kids. He has moved to his dads. I have agreed to take on all the household bills, joint car loan (as i drive the car with loan) and mortgage payments. I have requested as the kids will be with me the majority of the time and sleep at my house (no space for them at his dads and honestly its not the best environment) that he gives 400 per month for child maintenance. I went on the gov website which showed 496 per month for 2 children and no sleeps... im not sure if it matters if he sees them a few times during the week in the day as well which might be the plan? He now has no bills to worry about and ample spending money. I now have almost my full salary on bills and all other expenses with little play money left.

Either way he doesnt seem to want to pay this. Am i being unreasonable to ask this amount?

Advice welcome as never been in this situation before.

Trying to be fair. I feel guilty for him not being in the house i think that is part of it.

Stop feeling guilty. He was an abusive prick, that’s all on him, this is the consequences of HIS choices.

@Evecob you need to sort things out with regard to who owns the house. If the plan is to sell and split the proceeds he needs to contribute half the mortgage until you sell. If you are buying him out then you will have to give him half the equity but until then he is still jointly responsible. If you both agree you are staying put and he still owns until kids are older then he will need to continue to pay or else forgo any share in future profit. Regardless, some agreement needs to be made.

Still claim for UC, it can e a gateway benefit and you don't know when the thresholds will change.

If you are both in the mortgage he is still legally responsible for it as are you, there is no reason why he shouldn't be paying 50% as the house is an asset he will still benefit from.

Apply for UC even if it's only a small amount as being in receipt can still help with other things such as discounts on things etc.

It will also pay out more if for any reason your salary is less any month. And £22 a month is £22 may aswell have it, once it's set up it's pretty straight forward.

Go through CMS for maintanence. Tell his dad that he can either pay the £496 a month or you will claim through CMS which will cost him £496 plus a fee for them to collect it. Then he can pick which option he will go for, up to him.

Don't pay half for the car seats, that's his problem to sort and pay for, he's caused this situation at the end of the day. He can also do collection and drop off if he is not doing any overnights etc. but I guess it depends if you think he will mess about bringing the kids back etc, in which case it may be better to collect so that you have control over getting them back.

Universal credit is worth it as it can potentially open up access to other things, qualifies you for CoL payments if they do those again and £200 isn't to be sniffed at and can go towards therapy for you or the children. £20 may be a small amount but it'll pay a bill like your phone.

The CMS have three services, I use the middle one which was a small admin fee and they review it every year and my ex sets up the standing order appropriately. I don't think that one nor the one where you sort it all out between you is appropriately your instance. You want the one that has a slightly higher admin fee where they collect it directly, paying an admin fee but getting what you are meant to is better than not getting anything at all.

I’d pay for half the car seats because that seems fair if you both paid for the ones at your house. He should be paying the whole amount due (that’s the MINIMUM, not what a loving generous man with a healthy income and few outgoings should pay). Claim the UC it’s important to manage your money responsibly.

I want to stay in the house with the children. Iv moved all bills to my solo account now as i was advised the underwriters can approve me to take over the mortgage if i provide them with 3 months of bank statements. Ex would have to agree of course to be taken off the mortgage. In terms of the divorce he has a final salary pension and a large 5 figure inheritence coming his way as his grandad died last month. Im hoping to offset his share in house come off mortgage and leave rest for him. Discussing more with a solicitor soon.

The inheritance may well be disregarded in terms of marital asset it does mean that he can be adequately housed elsewhere though.

Stop feeling sorry for him! That’s like feeling sorry for someone in prison who committed a crime! His behaviour got him where he is - simple as that.

Your responsibility is to your DC and to you. Be laser focused on that. Claim what you can, even if it’s a small amount.

And no, don’t pay half for his car seats. You’ve said it yourself - he’s about to get a large inheritance. He won’t be short of money but if you carry on feeling sorry for him you might well be.

You did the right thing getting the police involved - carry on with that attitude, and stop feeling sorry for him.

An inheritance won’t automatically be considered a marital asset. That in this case as it’s due to arrive now you’re separated and hasn’t intermingled with joint finances, would count against it being looked at as one. A solicitor would of course best advise you there.

CMS is your best bet, but be mindful not to plan your budget around it. Be prepared for him to request 50/50 when it comes to the children in the divorce - that he’s been arrested doesn’t guarantee he won’t get it.

Get tough op. It's you or him. He won't be thinking about fair. He is trying to get out of supporting his dc. Offer up appropriate contact time the dc will be available... He needs to buy car seats and collect and drop back dc.. Possibly a lives with order costing not much at all in case he refuses to bring them back citing but he picked them up... He sounds like being difficult is his normal...

Yeah the inheritance is not a marital asset but I was advised in my free call that as its such a significant amount, the house is worth at least 500k in the mess its in and potentially more.. he will be getting half of what the house is sold for... that the courts likely couldnt ignore it ajd i would get more marital assets

Apologies i ment a 6 figure inheritance not 5 earlier..

He wants to request 50 50 yes but i dont believe thats in the kods best interests especially where he is living atm

well, if you're paying for the house, I don't think that comes up?

Be fair to yourself as well, and your kids who need a solid home

Yes, deal with this as soon as you can. My DH didn't get his EX off the mortgage for a few years and it cost thousand in solicitor fees just untangling who owed what. It cost more in fees than the equity.

It will be down to what the judge believes to be in the best interests of the children, which won’t necessarily correlate with what you believe. Judges are increasingly favouring 50/50, and I don’t doubt that, as the divorce progresses, his solicitor will be advising him on ways to maximize the chances of that being awarded.

I apologize if it comes across like I’m putting a downer on things, I don’t mean to do that - I’ve just seen many women be blindsided in divorce.

how much equity is there op? You can’t just take him off the mortgage - assuming you can get one - you need to agree financial split and buy him out ( % depending on overall settlement )

you may be paying for the house but you’re tying up his equity and gave some use and benefit of the asset ( appreciate this is new)

as others have said you need to understand the wider context not just the cms issue

Roughly 80 to 90k equity.

My proposal would be to leave me with the house for the kids they have autism as do i, so for structure and consistency this would be best. Get his name off the mortgage and leave me with the equity in house. I wouldnt touch his final salary pension and he would have his at least 250k inheritence to himself once out of probate. We both earn roughly the same at 37-38k.

That seems fair to me.

He is now proposing he will pay the maintenance of 400 only if i agree to sort when he sees the kids as he is trying to get a rental property.

@Evecob Have you actually applied for CMS? If so, then stop negotiating with him about money. Let them sort it out. If you haven't-do it now. Leave the thread. Do it and come back. And still stop negotiating with him about money.

Nope, he owes the CMS amount MINIMUM, don’t prioritise what he wants over your kids.

Don't discount his pension OP. You're only talking 45k equity as his share. I agreed to waive any claim on my ex's pension but it was for a LOT more equity then that. I also knew he'd be drawing his pension fairly young so it's now bumping up what I get in CM. Get a CETV of both your pensions. Divorce is a once and done deal. I know you want the house, I wanted mine but don't settle for 45k when he's going to be rolling in it later down the line and you're staring down the barrel of a poverty stricken old age.

A final pension salary is likely to be valuable and you need to get information about it.
I think you need to take advice over the financials.
are you sure that there has been full transparency over assets? He’s not on your side.