Ex taking daughter to new accomodation

[Claire2361]

Long so apologies, so childs father moved out 6 months ago, our DD is 6. Ex moved into his female cousins home 22 miles away(renting a spare bedroom) she has 3 children of her own, and her brother is also currently living there.

Our daughter is autistic so the set up since him leaving has been he sees her mid week after school until bedtime, and has her Friday overnight until Saturday 3pm. All at my home to keep it easier for DD, when he's there I go to a family or friends. This is all he's willing to do as he's upped his shifts to earn more. Daughter has adjusted better than I anticipated though does still get upset sometimes.

2 weeks after leaving our home ex announced he had a girlfriend from a SE asain country who he would be visiting in November for 3 weeks. He's also told me they plan to marry very soon to get her a spousal visa to move here.

Fast forward to last week he tells me his new GF isn't comfortable with us being under the same roof, him seeing DD at ours. Ex doesn't drive. He's now proposed taking DD from mine on a Friday in a taxi to his room 22 miles away and bringing her back the Saturday. He has said his cousins children are not there weekends as theyre at their fathers. Multiple issues with this, the travelling will be overwhelming for DD, gets travel sick and anxious in cars. She has slept out twice in her life as she struggles in a new environment so sleep will be an issue. Where they live is on a busy road near a city centre, somewhere our DD will not be able to go out for walks. Lastly ex has shown in the last 6 months little interest in our DD when he's with her, he is glued to his phone like a teenager, to the point DD has told me daddy is always on his phone, she craves his attention.

I'm concerned, I've told him my concerns and he simply thinks I'm being awkward on purpose. Absolutely nothing to do with thinking about the effect on our DD apparently. I know legally speaking he's her father & does have the right to take her, but morally..

Am I being unreasonable?

Thanks, I'd love nothing more than to be unconcerned, but the concerns I feel are totally justified as he is not a present dad and wasn't when he was living here, I thought and he told me he would be better once we were seperated, but it's actually got worse, and I think the worst is still to come sadly. He's been totally tunnel vision on his new life with the girl to such extremes. I've had letters to my address for credit card after credit card, he doesn't know how to function without help as I stupidly mothered him for far too long.

I've allowed him to use my home for contact, and his older child too as it's all been so messy I thought it the best way for DD. Now this change that I was admittedly peeved about because he can't organise himself let alone DD, even at my home I have to remind him to give her medication and simple tasks like self care. A mothers job never ends. So I will worry every time she's with him but hopefully it turns out better than I'm anticipating!

I think the fact that he's changing the set-up, and unsettling your daughter, all over the opinion of a random woman he's never even met before is abhorrent.

Sounds like you are doing everything you can to support your child in the best way possible. Trying to make sure you make the right decisions when you are doing it on your own is hard enough with a NT child, some days walking a tightrope, 3 storeys high, balancing a scorpion in each hand above a pit of crocodiles would be so much easier!

Doesn't sound like she enjoys spending time with her dad much now, maybe she will soon decide herself she doesn't want him around. Autism can be a wonderful clarity too in terms of when something doesn't feel right, it needs avoided. He might not like it but if that's what's best for your daughter, he needs to step up.