40 years ago parents didn't stay with unwell babies?

[UndertheCedartree]

Am I right in thinking that 40 years ago if a baby was taken to the big city hospital (from being born at the local town hospital i.e critically ill/likely to die) that the parents and definitely the dad did not go with them?

37 years ago my sister, who was 3 at the time, was badly scalded by pulling a coffee pot over on herself, and was in hospital for a week or 2. My mum was allowed to be with her all day but went home at night. This was in Germany though so I don't know about here.

1988 and 1993 I had spinal surgeries and was in for quite a few weeks. I was 9 and 14 no way was my mum allowed to stay and neither time I was on a children's ward . The second time was a week after my dad died but mum was still sent home at 8pm. Not sure if it was because my surgeon didn't have beds on the.childrens ward and my bed was in the orthopaedic wing with mostly elderly patients.

I'm.in my 50s.
I was 4 when I had my adenoids out. I was in hospital for 3 or 4 nights, my parents visited in the evening for an hour.

I loved it. The boy in the next bed played with me. There was a girl in the corner bed who cried when her parents left and we were very scathing about that!

DH is a bit older than me. When his sister was 11, in the early 70s, she had a serious operation. His parents visited her that evening but weren't allowed to stay. She died at about 6am the next morning without their parents being there. Heartbreaking.

Why not? I had mine out at 14. They just need digging out rather than pulling out if they're removed before adulthood.

I couldn't believe it when my friend's daughter was hospitalised and she was expected to stay in the hospital 24/7

Another example of how much harder parenting is now

That sounds very upsetting. What were you in for? Did you ever get the sweets back?

I had a few long stays in hospital late 70s and early 80s, I was 3 to 6.

I distinctly remember my mum staying in a tiny room to be with me for one of these. The other I remember they just visited. I probably cried but I don't remember it as traumatic.

Went are you asking? I think lots of parents have to stay with their young kids these days to care for them. The nurses are there to do medical things but daily care is given by parents.

I have a single mum friend who has to stay with her 12 month dd and was told she was to do all care and ensure DD didn't pull drips out. The nurses wouldn't even watch dd to let my friend go to the bathroom let alone sleep or get some food. She called for help after 2 days. I can't believe this is standard care!

They didn’t in my case. Born 2 months premature and in isolation for a month. Only a nurse was allowed in the room and could hold me up to a windows to be viewed by my parents.

i had tonsils out at 7 years - dropped off at hospital on a children’s ward -parents only allowed at standard visiting times.

Times have changed - medicine has changed. Previously very vigilant about infection but it might have been detrimental to babies/children’s (and parental) bonding/wellbeing

EDITED - born in 1970’s

Had my adenoids out in 1987. On my 7th birthday mine the less. My parents were not allowed to stay.

In the early 1980s, my 3-year-old had to have an operation at the local hospital. I was permitted to stay with them on the ward overnight, on a camping mattress on the floor next to their hospital bed. It was very uncomfortable and I didn't get any sleep. I was 8 months pregnant at the time. There was never any discussion about whether DH could stay: it just never entered our heads. In those days it was always just the mother who could be present outside of visiting hours.

I remember in the 70's and about 6 years old being in hospital for appendicitis and my mum could only visit at Set hours. Very distressing

This breaks my heart. I'm so sorry that any little child had to suffer this, or experience not being cherished by a parent.

When my mum was a little girl - probably 60 years ago now - she took her mum's watch into hospital with her as it smelt of her. She didn't get visits, she just sniffed the watch strap 😢

Oh, that must have been upsetting. How old was your daughter?

My brother had 10 days in hospital in 1979 or 80 and my mother didn’t stay with him. We visited as a family and she went during visiting hours every day.

I was in hospital quite a bit as a toddler, and visiting hours were strictly limited. My dad also got told off once for taking me out of an oxygen tent because I was distressed. Apparently one time my parents came to visit me, and I was playing with toys and didn't seem to recognise them. Then I took a toy over to show them and they were relieved!

When I was 8 I had my tonsils out, it was 1987. Mother wasn’t allowed to stay on the children’s ward but she made a fuss. The nurses put a mattress down for her in my room. If i recall, she had cockroaches crawl on her in the night - so she slept at home after that!!

I was in hospital for surgery when I was 7. They weren't allowed to stay. This was in the 80s.

I was in hospital for 8 weeks as a baby, couldn't keep any milk down. Still not sure if it was reflux or what. My mother visited daily but I think I was mostly by myself. Also was admitted for asthma when I was six. Distinctly remember her leaving for the night. No beds were free so I was on a camp bed in the day room, I remember loads of old ladies sitting on the chairs looking at me. I was brave enough but still was a bit scared, some of them were kind and looked after me. It wouldn't happen now.

That's awful! Why did they think breastfed babies didn't need feeding?

Same. I'm surprised that any let you stay actually on the ward, they're not set up for that at all in my experience.

Doula, wealthy western european country....
Some of my clients have had to insist on staying with their babies.. and not being discharged to another hospital or home..

And I have also had women tell me about being on the children's ward where babies and small children do not have visitors.. . and NICU babies left on their own for long periods of time.

My sibling nearly died at two months old in the early 60s and I remember my parents visiting him. They didn't stay at the hospital, no.

Very similar memories for me. Lovely nurses and palling up with the other little girls on the ward.

Really similar experience with my cousin, both very premature and thankfully both still with us but only very limited visits once a day and they were in for months. My granny often went in as my aunt had older kids at home and gran used to give the youngest some brandy in a dummy dispenser thing, I couldn't believe it when I heard. My uncle never visited apparently as he was at work during visiting time so one of the first times he saw them was when they were released 😥

Late 80s I had adenoids out and stayed a few days, parents came at visiting hours. I'd have been about 6 though, not a baby.

Early 2000s my friend had a baby in NICU for weeks, he was very premature. Single parent. She was there all day every day but the nurses sent her home at night to get fresh air / food / sleep.