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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say I will give a child's birthday presents to someone else

45 replies

angryone · 24/04/2008 19:13

I sent a parcel to a relative for their child's 3rd birthday. They live a considerable distance from me, I rarely see them and there is no-one I could easily leave the gifts with for them to collect. They don't bother tell me if items arrive safely until months later, if ever, so I paid extra to have the parcel signed for. I didn't know that meant they only had 7 days to collect it. The parcel was returned to me.

Although both parents work, the mother 4 days a week, they were at home on at least 2 days in that week - one birthday party with grandparents, one with a friend - and another relative was staying with them. As the collection card states one phone call would have arranged for the parcel to be delivered on one of the days they were in. The sorting office is only about half a mile from their home, they do have a car and they did get a collection card. I don't know the opening hours of the office but I imagine there was some time during the week they could have got there.

Obviously I am very annoyed, especially as the parcel cost over 5 pounds to send. I have said I will find another child to give the presents to and have been told "I don't think your reaction is very reasonable to an oversight on our part." Note there was no suggestion of an apology.

So what do you think - and what would you reply?

OP posts:
dustystar · 24/04/2008 19:15

Tell them you are happy to resend it if they cover the cost

hana · 24/04/2008 19:18

wow
would never have said that - think it's terribly rude

they haven't acted very kindly themselves either. It's not the child's fault......I'd resend it 2nd class and phone/text a few days later to see if they rec'd it

avenanap · 24/04/2008 19:18

Sorry. I know you are angry but maybe they were too busy to go and collect it. I have left things at the post office for days before, I spend all of my time running around. Even if they arranged another delivery I might not have been in. My nephew lives far away. I give him his presents when I see him or I'll give them to my mother to take with her when she goes to see them. He sends my ds a gift voucher. The child would have been upset that he didn't get his present. I think that you are being unreasonable. Sorry. Send a gift voucher next time.

PortAndLemon · 24/04/2008 19:20

I think YABU. Your reaction comes across as a bit petulent, to be honest.

I would have said that we'd get the present to them next time we saw them or via the family grapevine (where you give it to relative A, who is likey to see relative B within a few weeks, who is likely to see relative C...).

Original poster
angryone · 24/04/2008 19:24

They were in on 2 days - so a simple phone call would have had it redelivered when they were there.

If I could have given it to a relative to pass on I would have done so. They rarely visit relatives. If I left the presents with someone the child would probably have outgrown them before they got to him.

OP posts:
avenanap · 24/04/2008 19:26

Have you never forgoten to do something or ran out of time?

PortAndLemon · 24/04/2008 19:28

A simple phone call would have had it redelivered when they were there if they could guarantee a day in advance that they were going to be in all day without stepping out of the house -- you don't get to pick a time, or even morning or afternoon.

Original poster
angryone · 24/04/2008 19:28

and I have e-mailed before to ask if they have received things and got no reply.

OP posts:
avenanap · 24/04/2008 19:29

Ohh, that's rude. They should tell you they have recieved it and the child should send you a card to say thankyou.

Original poster
angryone · 24/04/2008 19:30

they were in the house 2 days that week and that had a relative staying with them.

I would not run out of time to make one call to get a child's present delivered.

OP posts:
joyfulspike · 24/04/2008 19:32

I don't think YABU to feel annoyed, especially as you went out of your wany to post a parcel and they don't appear to bhave bothered to collect it and didn't apologise.

I do think you are a bit unreasonable to give it to another child becuase they didn't pick it up whatever their reasons.

maybe next time send a gift voucher in a card, rather than an actual present. much cheaper than sending a parcel.

as for a reply, I'd go with dustystar and if they're unwilling can you return pressie for a gifty voucher and send that instead?

nailpolish · 24/04/2008 19:34

i always post presents

yanbu

id be very upset

my relatives never post prsents and so my dds get birthdya and xmas gifts sometimes weeks/months afterwards

girlfrommars · 24/04/2008 19:39

If no-one's in/answering the postman/delivery company leave a card, which as you've said, gives all the imformation about re-arranging delivery/collection.

YANBU to be angry. They should have been very apologetic about not dealing with it.

As for giving the present away, maybe a bit harsh for the first offence, but it sounds like you were just reacting to their rudeness (you mentioned they never let you know it's arrived).

nailpolish · 24/04/2008 19:40

what do they do with gifts for you? give it to mutual relatives? then do the same in future

its so annoying because its the children who ae actually suffering

NotABanana · 24/04/2008 19:41

Since they seem pretty rude about letting you know when things arrive - no thank you card I assume - I wouldn't bother in future. Their response was very strage imo.

Flame · 24/04/2008 19:46

I didn't know you had to get them within 7 days...

Original poster
angryone · 24/04/2008 19:47

I can't believe how many of you think this sort of behaviour - which I regard as extremely rude - should have no consequences. They made no attempt to apologise, just we were busy. If the parents are too busy to make one call for a present why should I send one?

I worked full time - not 4 days a week - when my child was 3 but I would never have been that rude. My children write thank you letters for presents and have done since they were able to write. If they are sent gift vouchers they have to say what they have spent or expect to spend it on.

OP posts:
Flame · 24/04/2008 19:47

(I get parcels all the time for business so it wouldn't occur to me it has to be 7 days for signed for, isn't iot normally 14?)

sparklesandnowinefor9months · 24/04/2008 19:52

i know its frustrating when this happens ( as a relative does this to me too!) but its not the childs fault and i don't think they should miss out on a present because of 'issues' you and the childs parents have

maybe you should just send money or a gift card in future therefore ruling out them not getting it or collecting it and the cost of postage

i think its rude not to acknowledge receipt of a gift and can see why you are annoyed by this but your being abit OTT i'm afraid

Original poster
angryone · 24/04/2008 19:55

I think they have only once sent a gift for my children, as a thank you after I gave them a cash present for the baby. They don't send birthday cards, either. I don't expect them to, I don't mind them being too busy for that.

OP posts:
PortAndLemon · 24/04/2008 19:55

So they had a week where they were organising two birthday parties and entertaining a visiting relative, and you know for certain that for two of those days they were in every single second, never venturing outside at all, and that they knew 24 hours in advance that they would definitely be in for every single second of those days, never venturing outside at all?

IME the "simple phone call" isn't the issue, it's the "simply staying in all day from 0730 to 1730" that's the problem. I can guarantee on past experience that if I need to pop out of the house for 20 minutes that that will be the 20 minutes when the delivery people arrive. So i don't arrange to get stuff redelivered on days when I may have to pop out.

It sounds to me as though you were (reasonably) offended that they the parents never acknowledged your gifts. But rather than tackle the issue head-on by saying "You know, when you don't acknowledge my gifts I feel quite hurt," or words to that effect, you came over all passive-aggressive and tried to make a point by sending the parcel recorded delivery and it backfired. So then you tell them that you are going to take a three-year-old's birthday presents away and give them to another child, which is rude, and is about a million times more offensive than just telling them that you were upset in the first place.

Heated · 24/04/2008 19:57

I would have held on to the present until they collected it themselves if it had been returned - without an apology no way would I post it again - & after 6 months or so given it someone else, assuming they weren't that bothered in the first place.

They are being discourteous imo but then ppl have different priorities and you never know what kind of week they've had.

However, for ppl who never acknowledge presents (and assuming they send your dc something) I would just send a cheque since it equates with their level of effort iyswim.

WiiMii · 24/04/2008 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PortAndLemon · 24/04/2008 19:59

You keep on about the "one simple call" but it's not like you make a call and the present turns up like dialling out for pizza.

It sounds as though you don't much like this family, so don't send presents in future -- I think that would be perfectly acceptable. But withdrawing a present once given is tacky.

sparklesandnowinefor9months · 24/04/2008 19:59

Look if you feel like that about it don't send presents anymore just send a card to the child fgs