Wedding gift - how much money would you give?

[chiccachicca]

Not really an AIBU, but I wasn’t sure where else to post. It’s more of a WWYD.

We are going to wedding in the next few months, all day and a dinner the night prior, DH has known the Groom since school but they aren’t massively close. We’ve not seen them him in a few years and never met his partner.

The Bride and Groom have asked for money towards a honeymoon. We haven’t been to a wedding for years and I’m not sure what is an average amount of money to gift.

How much would you gift?

Why on earth should what the bride and groom choose to spend on the wedding dictate your gift?

You didn't get to make that decision - it was up to them and their finances.

Your gift is up to your finances.

Two very different things.

So a rich couple gets loads of money they don't need because they can afford a lavish wedding (when they don't need extra money) and a poor couple who went for a registry office and quiet meal get pence, despite the fact they are far more in need of the gift/money.

In my culture it's the norm to give money.
Generally in my circles it's £50 for friends and £100+ for anyone closer but really depends on your circles. Maybe ask others you know are invited how much they're planning to give?

@Bushmillsbabe - sorry not joking! Ireland tends to have a much higher spend traditionally. Min €100 per adult

It is nonsense. Presents should be linked to what people can afford/chose to give.

My cousin- single mum on minimum wage gave us £20 - gratefully received. My husbands uncle - multimillionaire - gave us £500 and free use of his huge villa in Spain for a honeymoon. Also gratefully received. Our main priority was having people we cared about there, trying to make sure they had a good time and of course - the actual marriage bit.

Exactly, @Bushmillsbabe

Someone you’re not close to and haven’t seen in ages?! £50 max. You’re there to make up the numbers.

I wouldn't give money. It's cheeky as fuck to ask for it.

£150

I wouldn’t give any money at all
i I think it’s crass and grabby
weddings are just a mass commercial exercise in money making anyway

This exactly , i absolutely loathe the expectation of what is thought to be the 'correct' amount to give for a wedding gift.
I would hate for anyone to feel obliged or to go short due to giving me a money gift at my wedding.

I wouldn’t go to a wedding in those circumstances tbh. I also wouldn’t go to the expense of an overnight stay for a wedding. If it’s not close enough to sleep in my own bed at the end of the night then it would be a ‘sorry we can’t make ‘ .
We were giving £100 per couple twenty five years ago. I haven’t actually been to an all day wedding in years.

But the OP says her husband hasnt seen the groom for a good while and she's never met the bride and is asking how much to give for this wedding. That's why i was shocked at the £200

I actually think the old fashioned way of a "wedding list" was a good idea. It contained all the items the couple wanted, and to suit every budget. There were always low cost items such as coasters or serving spoons.
However, most couples getting married now aren't starting on a life together and have everything, so that got a bit redundant.

£100 as a couple attending the full day.

Last few weddings I have been to with my partner we have given £50 as a joint gift. If it was a close friend or family member we'd give more. When we got married last year most people gave us around £20/£30 or a bottle of champagne. Some just gave a card.

I was genuinely grateful for anything we received. Attending a wedding can be so expensive so I think anything you can afford is absolutely fine.

Years ago people gave lists of things they needed when setting up home together but now it is likely that the couple have already been living together for some time so
most gifts would be extra to requirements and just be put away.
I always give money but all of the weddings I have been to in the last decade have said that there is no need for a gift.

Last wedding gift here €100 for honeymoon. Our choice.
They asked or expected nothing.
Celebrations in the spring.

A £50 note.

I'd give £150 if you are also getting dinner the night before the wedding provided too.

No, it's not a joke. Traditionally the Irish seem to be very generous indeed in gifting money to newlyweds.

When we got married last year most people gave us around £20/£30 or a bottle of champagne. Some just gave a card.

This is what I was told by two of my younger relatives that have each got married in the last 2 years.
You do have to remember that MN is skewed towards the very wealthy, so all the £100+ replies probably doesn't reflect statistically the amount that most people across the country would give. Not that that isn't entirely appropriate and usual for those posters, just that the posters replying clearly don't cover much of a range of people.
I also suspect that once a few people start to say "I would give £100" , it becomes more difficult to say "I would give £20".

I am of an age where my dc can be invited to 3 or 4 weddings across a summer, whilst being at the stage of life where costs are high (rent or mortgages, car insurance being just two) and people tend to be in the early stages of their careers. If there really were an expectation to "buy a ticket" for the wedding, as some have implied, then they just wouldn't be able to go.

I don't know about anyone else, but I invited people I wanted to share my day with, not people to pay for my wedding. I would hate to think anyone didn't come because MN had told them they "ought" to give the couple £100, £150, or more.

Very good points, @NewName24 , and I agree with your last paragraph. It's an invitation to share a special day, not to pay for the event.

It's not braggy, it's fact and expected in this country. If you can't afford 100 pp you decline the invitation. It really is that simple.

Yeah, if it's Ireland the deeds to your house and your soul will just about be acceptable.

What a shame. So poorer people can't go to weddings? Or get into debt?