First world birthday champagne problem, AIBU?

[LilacWriter]

My boyfriend who is from another country is cooking me a birthday meal. He asked what I wanted and I asked for my favourite dish by him. He replied saying he's decided on something else which is traditional from his country which is honestly not my favourite at all but I'm not going to be ungrateful.

I got good champagne as a gift from my parents for us to have with the birthday meal (birthday and Christmas are the two times of year I have it) so I said I'll bring this and he says 'no we should have beer with the dish, it complements better"

It's my birthday. I don't want effing beer! AIBU to enforce birthday champagne?

Honestly, both his responses seem like red flags.

I don’t think you are compatible.

Hmm, this is your birthday, not his event. Why did he ask what you wanted if he was only going to ignore you?

His behaviour is a trifle self-centred.

Again today first world problem

But he already didn't take on board the dish I asked for and then tells me what well be drinking

This is my birthday and I don't really see why we need to do it 'his way'. He's also baking me a cake in the style of his country.

Why did he ask 'what you wanted' if he had already decided what he was going to cook? Honestly, I would say your birthday Mel is more about him than you.

Tell him nope and take the nice bottle of champagne to enjoy yourself. Don't 'enforce' it on him - what a waste. If he tries to insist you don't drink the champagne, tell him to piss off.

It can be both a first world problem, and important to you. Why bother asking what you wanted, then going with his decision anyway?

I'm sure if you truly thought about it, you'd realise this happens more than you think, and it's not a great relationship.

@SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament

'Piss off, I'll drink my birthday champagne if I want to' has a ring to it

Should I say something about why did he ask what I wanted if he'd decided for me?

He made me this before at Valentine's and it was nice as a novelty from his country. But it's a cold dish and tbh not really what I want. He's getting all excited about how he'll present it etc.

So, tell him - your tradition is to have champagne on your birthday , and as the meal he was thinking of doesn't go with it it'd be nicer if he does the one you'd asked for (which I assume does).

@ErrolTheDragon

I'll enforce the champagne but I think I'll feel quite spoiled saying I don't want the dish he wants to make.

I just wish he hadn't bothered asking if I had a 'birthday meal request' ffs. A cold meal on my birthday because it's the tradition where he's from. Great.

I agree with the poster who said both his responses are red flags

You asked him for a specific meal - he refused to prepare it and is doing what he likes better instead. Honestly, this would have been enough for me to cancel.

I'd tell him you're not happy he didn't listen to you, and it's your birthday, you want champagne.

So you're going to have the champagne with someone else- I'd meet up with a friend instead.

Have his crappy cold meal with beer another day. Maybe his birthday?

@Gatecrashermum we agreed we'd spend my birthday together so cancelling would be bad form and quite serious I think.

I was touched he asked if I had a request so I'm not impressed at his response. Even though in his response he's clearly putting a lot of effort in - but I really think hes projecting what he'd want for his own day.

You can have champagne, he can have beer. More champagne for you hah.

Is he a confident cook?? I wonder if he's picked it because he is more confident making it.

Red flags all over. I don’t like the sound of him at all.

He is yes.

I think this is what they make for each other in his family on their birthdays.

But it's not what I want this time.

Ok I'm just going to tell him I don't want that dish and that I'm drinking champagne.

If he goes in a mood that will be telling. Hopefully he just reverts to the original request!

The good news is he was fine with and I'm getting the meal I want

Then I mentioned evening cake and he said 'cake is for the afternoon usually.'

He's treating my birthday as though I'm from his country with his traditions which I find weird!

So he asked you what he wanted and then decided to cook what he wanted. Okay……

Where is he from and what were the dishes? What kind of cake is he making?

Sorry I am very nosy and love food.

He sounds domineering.

He's either very rigid or he's being controlling. You're still not getting the meal you want. It's your birthday, cake is for whenever you want it. He can get traditional on his birthday if he wants.

I think it's the first one.

I'm very surprised that he's treating my birthday as though I'm from his country. I'm going to set him straight.

We usually get on very well with no issues, he's gone weird over this birthday thing!

He's from a Nordic country, I won't say much more than that

The cake features a lot of fruit and cream and sponge apparently

Ah I was thinking he might be German!

Just keep telling him what you want/when you want to eat and if he protests just parrot that it's your birthday and you want things your way, he can have his birthday in xyz way when it comes around.

How annoying, I hope he doesn't spoil the day for you!

Do you have anything else planned that day?

@TheBeesKnee he is part German!

No I'm working on the day annoyingly. Working from home.

I associate birthday dinner and cake with post work relaxation. I don't fancy squeezing it in between work calls in the afternoon!

We have a show and dinner planned for the next day. I hope we don't fall out over cake beforehand.