First world birthday champagne problem, AIBU?

[LilacWriter]

My boyfriend who is from another country is cooking me a birthday meal. He asked what I wanted and I asked for my favourite dish by him. He replied saying he's decided on something else which is traditional from his country which is honestly not my favourite at all but I'm not going to be ungrateful.

I got good champagne as a gift from my parents for us to have with the birthday meal (birthday and Christmas are the two times of year I have it) so I said I'll bring this and he says 'no we should have beer with the dish, it complements better"

It's my birthday. I don't want effing beer! AIBU to enforce birthday champagne?

Don’t be such a martyr. You should not have to treat him like a toddler serving you pretend tea. You should be able to say “that is not what I want.” And have him be ok. You like one dish that he makes, surely that is flattering enough?

I'm seeing red flags in this relationship from both you and him. Ignoring your requests is not a great thing on his side and you not voicing your opinion with him but coming here to ask random people is not good here. The fact that you are letting him do what HE wants for YOUR birthday is not a good sign. You need to advocate for yourself more and make sure you are heard. It's a small thing yes but it is a sign of a bigger thing and I would take notice This doesn't have to be difficult or complicated and it just takes simple actions to correct and set precedent for the future when you will inevitable encounter much bigger problems.

It's my birthday and Im on a diet. Please get him to cook his dish, then cook yours and eat them both for me?

Open the birthday champagne, but drink it alone and toast your good fortune being rid of that horrible ex!!

i married someone from another country. it's difficult. 23 years in and it's still has its difficulties. just silly things like they eat birthday cake before eating an actual meal which is crazy to me. also funerals are a 3 day event. really crazy things i still aren't used to

Do you have a decent champagne stopper like the Le creuset one? If not treat yourself to one.

Then open and drink your lovely champagne and have the rest of it the next day.

You get twice the champers, he can have blokes beer.

How long have you been together?

I’m married to someone from another country/culture. You have to, fairly quickly, figure out whether you’re on the same page culturally. How much do you follow one culture or the other, who chooses when there’s a clash, where can you compromise. We do a present on Christmas Eve, which honestly bugs the hell out of me, but I know in reality it’s inconsequential and it’s what his family do. He’s learned to get good at present giving, when his culture is to only give money. Having kids makes the differences a hundred times bigger.

Stomping your foot about wanting champagne may be a first world problem. But don’t miss the point that there’s a bigger relationship question underneath it.

I'm going to buck the trend and say it sounds quite romantic.

He's clearly quite proud of his country and culture and wants to share it and make you a special meal.

My foreign ex did this once and cooked lots of dishes for me to try on my birthday with different wines to accompany and compliment each course/dish. It was actually so lovely and definitely not what I'd normally eat but nevertheless really good.

It's a bit concerning you seemed to have felt you couldnt say anything initially

"And we'll do it your way on your birthday darling".

These things are yellow flags at the moment.

How he responds to you asserting yourself, will tell you if they're going to become red flags.

If he is making a big pork pie YABU but I will eat it 😀

Is the meal pickled herring? Love as a snack but can't imagine as a full special meal!

Ltb

Honestly it wasn't far off!

Not something I want as a birthday meal, no.

Oh my god! I see why beer is important but I absolutely couldn’t do the pickled herring. My DH could! Must have been nordic in a past life.

Have you been going out long? If it's a relatively new relationship there's always the "going to show my new partner all the things from my culture that I'm really proud of" element, and some cultures are real sticklers about what food you have on what occasion, time of day etc. Also did you praise this dish a lot last time he made it? If so he may have thought you wouldn't have minded him making it again.

I don't think he should have asked you what you wanted if he had something else in mind - but it seems like once you actually said you didn't want the cold dish he was fine so that seems like a non-problem?

People should drink the booze of their choice. You drink champagne and he drinks beer. Also a non-problem. Most people have a booze preference for a good reason (ie, other things disagree with them).

It's your birthday, cake is for anytime from breakfast onwards 🤣. Normally I'd say bday cake would be mid morning or afternoon if you are spending the day together, but if you are working and relaxed cake as pudding suits you better then tell him that!
You have a choice i think, either take notes as to this isnhow he wants his birthday, or take notes and make sure you make him do all your traditions on his birthday 😆

Well the cake and champagne will go together nicely, so have the champagne then, and then have what he suggests with the meal.
He does sound very controlling though, so watch out! 🥂 🍾 🥂 🍾 🥂 🍾

I would do meal and beer with him (sounds a bit crap OP and I don’t think you’d be spoiled for saying you’d prefer him to make the meal you asked for - why on earth did he even bother asking??) and then plan a lovely evening with friends - maybe champagne at yours and then out for a nice meal? A nice excuse to get dressed up and have the birthday celebration you deserve!

It sounds like small things now but times this by 1000 when you are planning a wedding, deciding various things about raising your children and the precedent is that he completely ignores and overrides your feelings and makes all the calls based on his own cultural norms.

I told him I want to have the cake in the evening and questioned who said it had to be afternoon cake, he replied 'ok'. 😅

He's not a man for one word replies, so definitely in a small huff.

He told me his ex wife always went to his family for Christmas and when I asked why not the other way round he said because they didn't celebrate it. Maybe, but I do wonder if he's used to having it all his own way.

YANBU
Do something similar for his birthday OP.
Ask what he wants, then immediately reply with " well, I'm going to make you jam sandwiches with party rings, we'll drink some horlicks to go with it."

I'm joking but you get the point.

Surely it’s everyone’s culture that the birthday person gets to have the day THEY want?

Im not really liking the sound of him OP

OP I'd definitely keep a watchful eye of how he handles differences of opinion. Not compromising and not considering your opinions would be a deal breaker for me. And specifically when it comes to the smaller things rather than the major questions.

PS don’t share your champagne he doesn’t deserve it!!