To ask how much you play with your kids?

[Contraversialcate]

On an average week how often do you actually sit down and play/ craft/ do an activity with your child? No judgement just curious.

I have three (7, nearly 4 and 20 months), work 3 days and have little two home 2 days and I reckon I spend less than an hour a week with any of them doing a ‘quality activty’.

Our son had to be actively taught to play as it wasn’t something he had experienced before, so at one point I was modelling via parallel play for 2-3 hours a day as a minimum. With our daughter maybe an hour a day, now she’s a bit older this is joint play rather than parallel, usually led by her. Now our sons older he tends to lead the play as he prefers that to one of us assuming we can join in.

Yeah, I've heard this from several academics. Also I remember being a child and I did enjoy pretend play with my parents a bit but I distinctly remember getting to about 7 years old and realising (in a child-like way obviously) that they couldn't suspend their disbelief and were going through the motions a bit. Takes the shine off whereas play with other kids doesn't.

I do try to play with my children but they have severe learning disabilities and are autistic so I actually end up feeling rejected most of the time. We did play therapy with eldest and having to 'play' in front of her or do the tips at home was unnatural and, frankly, excruciating.

I don't but they are 9 and 7 so they don't really need me to play with them, especially because they have each other to charge around with.

I'll help them with a jigsaw or push them on a swing/roundabout if they need me to but at these ages they are far too busy to want me. I can't remember the last time they asked me to chase after them and pretend to be a monster!

Really you feel sorry? How many children do you have?

Am I fuck getting down on the floor to play trains.

This made me laugh🤣 sorry but I’m the same. I have a 2 & 3 year old and I barely play with them. They honestly look at me a bit funny and like I’m getting in their way when I do try and play their games with them! They both enjoy playing individually tbh so I don’t ever do too much

@Candaceowens

Sounds pretty constant to me. It's certainly not the half an hour per week some posters are saying.

Well that depends what people mean by "playing" with their children.

To me that means down on the floor with them playing make-believe games. I hate that sort of thing.

The stuff I've listed is just normal interaction with my child. He's with me all the time, therefore we do things together and have a nice time. But I don't want to play for hours with him the way children do. I'll indulge him in a game of doctors where I get to sit at peace and he examines me with his little doctors set. Or he'll make things in his toy kitchen and I'll pretend to eat it. At most I'll help him build a train track for 20 minutes and leave him to play with it.

Honestly I cannot bear imaginative play and I was such an imaginative child. But I played so well by myself and I want the same for him.

but time together when he was little was playful

This is the key thing. I don't like playing with my child per se. But we are playful together in everything we do.

It's about focused attention not necessarily playing. I don't like playing as in pushing trains around a track, I will happily help build tracks though, play a board game or card game, build a jigsaw together, do some drawing or colouring, set up minor science experiments etc.

I quite like it when they do role play games like shops, doctors etc because it's funny to see their take on the world. But it gets repetitive after a while. This is more fun to do with another adult IME.

With my DD, we would probably do something most days for at least an hour. That might include crafting, painting, playing an online game together, watching a film, baking, going to the park, etc etc

It really depends on their age, I think. Obviously, there was a lot more playing and crafting when she was younger. As she got older, it was more sitting down to watch a film or baking.

From the age of about 1 - 8 yrs old, it was at least an hour day. After this, as she became more independent, she would do more on her own and was quite happy to. But tbf we'd still do something 'child related' for about an hour a day after this age.

I don't really "play" with my 4 year old tbh. We go out all the time - soft play, inflatanation, theme parks etc and have that quality, fun time together then. But hot wheels? Superhero's? He's happy in his own little world playing by himself although he is usually right at my feet playing wherever I am (in my bed in the morning, kitchen floor when I'm cooking etc) and we have regular chats whilst he's playing - it's the perfect set up for us. Don't feel guilty!

Every day. I'm genuinely not trying to be a dick here, but surely these are things you take into consideration before deciding whether to have another child and especially a third?

I have one and knew that I wouldn't be able to give two my full attention.

In answer to your question however, I always ensure I play with mine at least once, every single day. Even if only for 10 mins. It's really hard sometimes but I always do it. Weekends much more of course.

😢

how often do you actually sit down and play/ craft/ do an activity with your child?

pretty much NONE

I hate craft, I hate board game. Preschoolers have plenty of clubs and baby groups to do all that.

Home time is time for the kids to entertain themselves, while parents work/ do chores. We spend very little time at home, and I take them to all the usual
I wouldn't leave a dog stranded at home an entire weekend, so I make sure the kids have loads to do at the weekend.

When we are in the house, they can chill, read or potter around, there's always plenty of time for that

*to add: this is not a judgement or an opinion on how other people must live their life, I am just replying to the question about MY life before anyone jumps on me!

I don't believe for a minute that you need to do craft or sit and play indoors with your kids? Why would you?

They have all my attention when we are out, I must be one of the few adults who doesn't even hate soft plays, if they haven't got friends I am more than happy to stay with them. I take them to do sport, to visit the usual farms and museum and so on.

It does them a world of good to entertain themselves at home. They don't need me!

Honestly the smugness of some posters. Your kids don't need you to be a kid, they need you to be an adult and model adult behaviour.

I have a 3-year old and I really love turning into a monster, dog or horse, or playing cafe, or hide and seek. I also enjoy building the train tracks and duplo farms. Some child games can be boring, but I find it's not that hard to redirect to something a bit more fun.

Still, I know I had lots of fun playing by myself as a child, I don't think it's a bad thing. Sadly most adults seem to lose the ability to enjoy imaginative play, and so I totally get why people don't want to do it.

A lot, last weekend DS and I went to the cinema together, to a craft workshop at a local cafe and then did some painting at home, we had a Lego event on the Sunday, then went for a walk along the seafront playing sea monsters and RNLI rescues (his choice!) and went for lunch and did a wordsearch together. We then spent a couple of hours at home building various things from Lego and watching Lego masters. We read together every day, I work full time but condensed hours and so does DH so we spend a fair amount of time together, but the crucial difference I think is we only have one, so I'm not balancing time or needs. You are only one person and you only have so much time and with a toddler that won't be much! You can only do what you can do

We also have a lovely boardgame café near us so we go there regularly too

Why can't you do both?

Mine are 21 and 19 but we had plenty of toys and games to rotate and get out to occupy their time. Our house was like a mini nursery in terms of kit. Also getting friends around to play on the trampoline and blow up water slide. Setting up their train tracks that filled the entire living room floor - it was ace. Days out with family and friends - usually at train stations. I miss it in some ways but it was knackering whilst working. I'd like to say an hour on workdays and then a lot at weekends. Most of our life revolved around our children and I would not change a thing. I appreciate not everyone does that and I have a very hands on DH so this was shared between the 2 of us.

DH is waaaayyy better/more patient with 'playing' with our 3 year old. I get drained after about 10 mins! But I'm better with the actual activities like arts and crafts etc. She gets a lot of both but also plenty of time to play herself and we just join in here and there as directed by her lol.

We just don't know how most people interacted with their kids throughout all human history to make these kinds of claims, though of course probably most children have always played mostly with other children.

But one counter-example to the "never play" idea is the Inuit people, who commonly use roleplay with small children to teach them better behaviour.

Actual play isn't as important as being present imo.

Listening to them talk about their day, watching them 'perform' to you or play, reading together etc without distraction so they have your full concentration is better.

You probably do more of this than you realise.

I don’t. Children need to engage with other children and themselves (being alone) in imaginative play, climbing trees etc

Adults can facilitate by buying art supplies or whatever- cutting stuff doing the dangerous things. Otherwise, I’m a firm believer that children need other children for that, NOT adults. We are not there to entertain kids.