To ask how much you play with your kids?

[Contraversialcate]

On an average week how often do you actually sit down and play/ craft/ do an activity with your child? No judgement just curious.

I have three (7, nearly 4 and 20 months), work 3 days and have little two home 2 days and I reckon I spend less than an hour a week with any of them doing a ‘quality activty’.

I have a 9 and 6 year old and I'd say pretty much never on weekdays as there is rarely time. Quite a lot on weekends though if we are stuck inside all day. Then we can get close to 5 hours just playing! They have 3 older siblings who enjoy playing with them a lot. I am so grateful for that because it makes them all so much happier and means they spend time with each other.

I have one (2y) and I probably spend 2 hours a day 'playing' but the rest we are out and about doing stuff. She has about an hour of tv a day which is when I breathe/clean up. I can't imagine how hard it is with 3 so absolutely do not beat yourself up. I'm sure they play with each other no? We can only work with the time we have.

Imaginary play? As little as I can get away with  I'm so bad at it. Crafts and just silly messing about games? A good few hours a week. We did about an hour and a half of craft stuff just this afternoon while DD2 napped. DD1 is craft mad.

The Playful Parenting book has some really interesting stuff about the importance of play. I try to incorporate it into daily stuff more after reading it. But quality time isn't just sitting down at home to do something - you can have some quality time walking to the shops, for example.

Pockets of interaction are your friend when you're busy. Instead of 'No I don't have time' or feeling you need to sit and draw with them for 30 mins, say 'Yes, I can draw for a bit'. Sit down and draw for like 2 mins and then say you've got to go do something else for a bit, then come back and do a bit more, etc. It seems to satisfy DD1 if I just give things a go, even if very fleetingly!

I saw something online about studies that mothers in hunter gatherer type groups etc spend very little time playing with or entertaining their children - children are expected to play with each other with younger ones minded by older.

I think its quite a recent notion that parents should play with children so much. That's what other children are for

The problem is that most modern children have hardly any exposure to other children - especially preschoolers.

In a traditional society children would be with other children for all their waking hours, living in close proximity with them. E.g. 20-30 kids aged 2-10 within the same family compound. Not confined to a house with immediate family for most of their time, or in a childcare or school setting with lots of same aged kids and adults controlling everything.

It doesn't make sense to compare the two.

It rather depends on the child too…

DS1 cannot self entertain (well he couldn’t until he could read!). So hours (if we couldn’t go out, which definitely counts…how can it not if you’re sat talking to them over coffee and warm milk or punting a football round the park!). DS2 has always, even as a toddler, wished to play alone, thank you. And it’s only since he started school (he’s 8) that he’s wanted someone to play board games with.

I did a l degree in early years education. In the first week they asked us to think of our favourite thing to play as a child. Then they asked us to raise a hand if that play involved an adult. Not a single hand raised.

About 1-2 hours a day with my 2yo during the week, and more at weekends. I just have 2 dc and the eldest is in school. We do a lot of craft, role play, outdoor play. Less with my school aged child but she is in after school activities most days and has homework/music practice, so there isn't much time in the week. We all enjoy it so I see no reason not to.

Trying to think about what we did that wasn't adult focused such as them helping me make their porridge....Today we all did playdoh together for an hour, then some of us made a scarecrow for the garden whilst baby napped, practised using chalk to draw around our hands, and all made a library corner for their teddies. This is pretty typical of our stay at home days when there isn't a playgroup or forest school session on we go to. They do enjoy taking part in everyday activities such as helping to make their food and unloading the washing etc but their favourite things seem to be playing in the garden/house and doing make believe/imaginary things such as today taking the teddies to the library and helping them choose books, then one of the teddies fell over and needed an ambulance!

They have 10 hour days as all still nap to different lengths. I'd say 15-20 hours a week of child focused play rather than me doing activities and them joining in with me like you describe. I'm at home with them 5/7 days though, and some days we do very little play as we're going out and about.

Really strange to compare parenting to hunter gatherer times as some sort of benchmark.
They also didn’t have school systems for children and no focus on literacy or mathematics. Perhaps none of that is important either.

For me, involving them in real world activities is so great for their development and where I would focus with little ones. When i play with toys with my son it is more about helping him learn how to do independent play... I don't want to overwhelm his own instincts... and a lot of the time I am a mixture of a narrator, cheerleader and a physical prop in his play rather than "playing with him" per se.

I rarely ever played with mine doing Small world stuff and only occasionally play acting (ie cafe/school) as honestly I hated it. That's what their friends are for so I got them round a lot.
I did however do a million jigsaws, and those god awful pop to the shops games, painting, crafting, reading books, playing ball games, building Lego, making towers, hide and seek a lot more.
Now they are teens they occasionally deign me with their presence and will play board games.

This is interesting. Mine are 6 and nearly 4.

On weekday mornings we don’t really have time to play but I read them stories over breakfast. I work full time but DH and the nanny play with them after school when they do pick up Mon - Thurs. On Fridays I finish early and we play games (usually board game or jigsaws or hide and seek or something in the garden in good weather) and have a movie night.

Over the weekend I probably spend 2 hours each day playing with them in the midst of activities and chores. Sunday usually involves some extended imaginative play where I will try to be involved as little as possible. They play really well together which is lovely.

When they were toddlers I played with them constantly though. DC1 wasn’t at nursery until dc2 was 10 months old (covid) so I spent my entire mat leave playing with him with dc2 in a sling.

My DH would spend hours and hours building lego, mecano anything really. DH also read to them every night since they were born.

I would take them out of the house to play things and playdates. I always had to do waterslides and fairground rides as DH has a bad back. I also did baking with them as I enjoy baking.

We also had annual memberships to zoos/safari parks, aquariums and animal farms etc. Also close to museums and science museums. We would go out every weekend as a family.

However, they are adults now and I can see the price of everything has increased. It is harder today to afford all these things.

Wow I feel so sorry for some of these kids. I play with them constantly. Everything can be a game if you want it to be. in fact me cleaning the bathroom is one of my daughter's favourite things because we have so much fun in there.

This is where grandparents come in, we have the time to sit down and ‘play’ and generally be fun without the responsibilities of combining running a home and working. Parents do the best they can without additional judgemental comments some people make. Remember, it takes a village to raise a child! Children are playing all the time and playing can include things like making a game out of laying the table etc. and a nice cuddle at the end of the day on the sofa is what makes children feel secure and loved.

I think you can save your feelings of feeling sorry for them.

I don't need to play with my child "constantly". Fuck that to be honest.

My 3 year old has had his porridge and is now playing trains by himself while I have a cup of tea on the couch. It's quarter to 7. Am I fuck getting down on the floor to play trains.

However, we will both go for a shower at half 7 and play together with his different bath toys while we get washed. We will walk to nursery together and chat about the things we see along the way. When I pick him up we will take a longer walk home with his bike through the woods. Later when we're home we'll have a little half hour or so playing something together and he'll have a play with his daddy too.

On days he's not at nursery he's with me all day long and we go out together on little trips, take a train ride somewhere, go to the beach, go out on bikes etc. He helps me with jobs at home. Sometimes I help him build a den and we read books in it together with his torch.

He has plenty of fun and interaction but certainly not constant. And constantly playing with an adult? Absolutely not.

I don't really do "playing" because I hate it, but I'd say I spend 1-2 hours per day with DS doing some form of activity, whether it's crafting/colouring on a weekday evening, or baking at the weekends. It's obviously much easier having only 1 DC.

I can’t remember setting time aside to play games though we had games we played and ds was never ever interested in crafts apart from his scribble wall

but time together when he was little was playful, could add hide n seek when cleaning, make it a race who can put their socks on first. he would have his own little pans and cook when I was cooking, I would pretend to eat his Lego cakes, his teddies would have a picnic or talk on silly voices and so on so I think much of the time play is part of our lives with little children

I wouldn’t over think it op its another area of parenting an expert can write a book on and another set of games than can be marketed towards guilty feeling parents

Sounds pretty constant to me. It's certainly not the half an hour per week some posters are saying.

Very rarely, i don't do the imaginative play, the kids do it themselves they don't need me. I'll sit with the oldest and do a puzzle or a game but then its back to them playing with their toys, playing with lego etc

I get in the bath with her most evenings and we play a game involving plastic horses and dragons.

Other than that...not a huge amount, but I do put effort into creating an environment for her that allows her to play imaginatively, which she loves to do by herself. Like I set up her favourite toys before I go to bed at night so that in the morning she comes in and just gets stuck into playing with them all before school. And I have paper / pens / scissors etc always set up at the table and she knows she can just dip in and out of that whenever she likes. So I feel like my role in her play is more the facilitator rather than actively playing with her.

I try and involve her in cooking where I can. And we sing silly songs quite a bit.

I feel terrible reading this thread because I’m not a “playful parent” at all! DH plays with DS a lot but, aside from a board game here and there, I don’t really play much.

I try and avoid it! I find it so boring. We read tonnes of books and get out and about instead.

Agree with @Kendodd
A child psychologist said the same to us - children don't need adults to play with them, and it's healthy for them to see the parent getting on with normal chores / life.

I've also heard that interrupting a kid who's playing in order to take part / direct interferes with their flow. So we very much leave ours to it, and maybe it's a coincidence but he has a very active imagination! lol

We do read to him every day & cuddle, but very little actual play. On the weekends we sometimes do baking or crafts if it's rainy, but only as I enjoy it!
I think getting on with things you enjoy is more inspiring that forcing yourself to play if you really don't like it or don't have time for it.