To hate being single

[SpookyStar]

I have seen the many threads from those who love being single so don’t need loads of comments from people to tell me they love it. I just can’t relate “doing what you want when you want” and “freedom” personally I’ve only ever had one relationship and don’t relate to not being able to do what I want so this is not in comparison to abusive relationships as of course being single would be better, but I hate being single especially at my age when everyone is settled down and in relationships. I’m finding it worse as times goes on not easier. I don’t need to learn to love myself or learn to be happy alone I was happy the first few years but has times gone on it’s become difficult the sheer loneliness of it all and not having a partner to share life with. I know it sounds pathetic but I feel like life is passing me by. Can anyone else relate?

I never enjoyed it much either. I think for me I was single for ages (from university to being 39 actually!) that there was no appeal to any of the things others say they like, it was just my life if that makes sense and I felt like it was passing me by.

I think if you’re only single for a few months between a relationship or if you’ve had a bad relationship it’s probably easier to embrace the positives.

Do you have friends/hobbies? I actually hate being in a relationship but then I am exceptionally busy with work and our farm. My downtime is my haven. Maybe you need to fill your life with a bit more.

Maybe you would feel less lonely if you got involved with a hobby? (Plus you could meet potential partners)

I am single and enjoy it BUT I completely understand that some people aren’t like that. All I would say is get out there as much as you can, dating and meeting people and going out. Ask your friends to set you up with people. Good luck

I think with this being a forum designed predominantly for mums, most woman who post about loving being single are generally post divorce, where they've done the relationship, had a family, then realised their husband has just turned into an extra child they need to take care of and have been gradually worn down with it so that when they leave - it is freedom and peace and being able to do what you want without having to compromise with everyone else. When you have a husband and 2.4kids then you always put yourself, wants and needs, last below everybody else.

However, that doesn't mean being single is amazing. Just to them, at that point in your life, it is better than the alternative. Your life is clearly in a very different place though, so you cannot compare your life experience of being single with a post-divorcee with children. Your feelings are absolutely valid just please don't compare them to others

I have children 😊 I think that’s why I hate being single more if I’m honest! Can see how being single would be fun and enjoyable with no dependants.

Yes I do but they are busy with their own partners and it’s not the same for me anyway.

You are not pathetic at all.

I HATE being single. I am perfectly able to do everything by myself, I just don't want to. I can't think of anything worst than going on holiday alone. I CAN, it's easy but.. why should I?

I don't recognise being in a relationship as stopping you from doing whatever you want whenever you want. What kind of miserable relationships do all these people have if they are unable to even eat what they like at the time they like? It's just weird.
CHILDREN put a stop to your freedom and "selfishness", not an adult partner.

My only advice is to get busy. Pack your schedule with work, and after work activities and be busy every weekend. You won't have time to feel lonely, and you never know, you are more likely to meet someone through shared hobby.

You are young, enjoy a bit of fun with unsuitable men too. It's ok to date someone a couple of times cause they are hot, even if there's no possible future with them. Stay honest with yourself, and with them!

Yes I think that’s true, it’s easy to love being single when it’s new and fresh but when you’ve spent years and years alone it becomes lonely and isolating.

I have children 😊 I think that’s why I hate being single more if I’m honest! Can see how being single would be fun and enjoyable with no dependants.

You must have even less time!
Enjoy the time with your kids and not having to compromise with a partner, children are hard, but get busy with your own life.

Thank you yes being able to do what you want when you want just isn’t relatable to me, I could do that anyway! Sounds like abusive relationships and that isn’t the norm, watching what you want on tv?! 🤯 I have children so being able to do what I want when I want isnt true anyway for me.

@SpookyStar I split from dh for 6months last year, although we are back together now, but we went for 50/50 custody so I suddenly did have the freedom to do what I wanted on my child-free days, yoga classes, theatre trips, lunch with friends etc. I did however, really miss the lack of physical touch - just having a proper hug was something I missed deeply and found very hard to live without, so I do get that it isn't all roses

Being single and being a single mum are poles apart!

A relationship would be quite complicated with your DCs surely?

Do you want a step parent?

Do your DCs?

Do you want a new family or just someone to spend time with away from your DCs?

It is all so different from a childfree single!

Thia!

Exh up and left unexpectedly in January so I've had to get used to being completely alone, and fast. I'm currently sitting on a Greek beach so it's not so bad, but living completely alone took a hell of a lot of getting used to.

I don’t know what to say OP. I could say: “yes being single is awful,” but I don’t agree.

I can relate to the fact that at certain times of life being single is more difficult because of the social expectations. But I think over the course of a lifetime single women are almost always happier than coupled ones.

Of course you feel as you feel. But the reason some of us feel quite militant about this is that woman who desperately want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship make bad choices. That’s why it matters.

By all means be honest about the fact that you’re finding being single difficult. You’re not unusual. But I do strongly believe that becoming comfortable with who you are and learning to enjoy your own company and your own life as it is is the only real, sustainable solution to your problems.

Your feelings are your feelings. I didn’t enjoy being single. Not that my whole life was miserable or anything like that, but I’m just very suited to monogamy and living with and sharing life with my husband. We make each other happy. Some people are just suited to different lifestyles. I just want to sit on the sofa with someone and watch Netflix of an evening or go for a pub lunch on a Saturday. I don’t want the hassle of turning up at events on my own and making the effort to socialise.

Lone parent here, I did find the early years really hard. They were lonely. Weekends with toddlers, hours talking to no one in the park etc

How old are the DC? I did find it easier as they got older and started to do play dates, weekend activities etc so I could find time to do other things.

Eventually I loved being on my own.

How old are your kids?

Having step kids is hard
Being a step mum is hard
Having a step dad is hard
Having step siblings is hard

I only have experience with the last 2 but it's shit

@CleanShirt

So you're either not a mum so can't agree with the post you agreed with or

You are a mum so don't live completely alone or

Your kids have moved out hence you weren't exactly a single mum

YANBU, I hate it too. I’ve been single a long time and I’ve done all the things you’re supposed to do to embrace the single life, I’ve traveled, excelled in my career, have plenty of friends and hobbies, look after myself, have had therapy but I just want someone to come home to, someone to love and share my life with. I know women who have that and I do think why them and not me, what is wrong with me that the only men who wanted me were men who’d abuse me or leave me?

It just gets worse as you get older to be honest as the best men are all taken and any decent man your own age can go younger and usually does. So you get left with the men who are practically old enough to be your father who are looking for a nurse with a purse or younger men who either want to be “taken care of” or just want sex with an older woman they assume is desperate.

Honestly the men some of my single friends date is dire no money, no house, no leave to remain in the country. It’s like the Wild West out there but that urge to find someone is so strong.

I end up feeling inferior to women who have husbands and are able to pin a man down permanently and it makes me bitter at times.

Just my honest truth.

I've been single for 20 years and used to really hate it but am used to it now.

I've currently got flu and can barely move so it would be great to have someone to look after me. It's at these times I miss having someone.

After about 15 years of no physical contact, I was so desperate that I got into an abusive relationship. I knew he was abusive but was so desperate for company that I tolerated it. It only lasted a few months and I missed the company when it finished.

I'd like to be in a decent relationship, but don't see it happening which is a shame.

I hate it too OP. A few weeks ago, a man in the park gave me a hug and I'm slightly embarrassed to say that it felt so nice! I find that I can't be bothered to do anything on my own.

I've been single for about six years after being almost continuously in relationships for almost thirty years. I'm attractive and funny in an autistic sort of way (think Victoria CM without the boobs and minus at least 10 IQ points) but only much older men seem to notice me. Sometimes they follow me around and I find it a bit of an insult! My reproductive hormones disappeared around seven years ago so I wouldn't choose someone unsuitable in desperation but there are no suitable men around and I can't see any appearing. I gave up OLD ages ago.

I can relate, so much. I was the single one for years. I left a relationship in which I was due to get married when I was 30 and apart from the odd short term thing I was single right up until this year (I'm 42 now). It was hard. I had great times but there were also many times I felt like I would never meet the right person and felt helpless and alone. However, in my rational mind I knew that it was likely that eventually I would actually meet someone even if it wasn't until much later in life. I really invested in the idea that I wanted to make sure I didn't regret time I'd spent single moping (I still did mope a bit but made myself snap out of it as much as I could) . It was important to me that I remembered that I was still a 100% complete person without a partner and aware that I didn't want it to seem like when I eventually did meet someone that HE 'made me happy' so I probably deliberately always put on a positive face. That was exhausting. I met my current partner who is great online dating. I know online dating can be awful and I had many crappy experiences but is still recommend it. I've also joined a gym recently, not your usual gym but an organised class and tbh if I was still looking I think it would be likely I'd have met someone there (typical!). I suppose I just want to say I understand, I know at times it's hard to believe but you WILL meet someone. Take good care of yourself and it will all fall into place when the time is right (even if like it was for me it feels such an incredibly long time!).

Hi , total empathy here , I absolutely hated being single . I was a single parent and I just found Sundays , on my own with a toddler to be utterly depressing.

. I could have written this post

I've been single a long long time and it's not through choice

I've given up and just try to enjoy life

I do get a bit annoyed at all the posts about "bliss" going on holiday alone and going out alone, but I think it's different when you have no choice