To hate being single

[SpookyStar]

I have seen the many threads from those who love being single so don’t need loads of comments from people to tell me they love it. I just can’t relate “doing what you want when you want” and “freedom” personally I’ve only ever had one relationship and don’t relate to not being able to do what I want so this is not in comparison to abusive relationships as of course being single would be better, but I hate being single especially at my age when everyone is settled down and in relationships. I’m finding it worse as times goes on not easier. I don’t need to learn to love myself or learn to be happy alone I was happy the first few years but has times gone on it’s become difficult the sheer loneliness of it all and not having a partner to share life with. I know it sounds pathetic but I feel like life is passing me by. Can anyone else relate?

I think single people all go through that 'I can do what I want' phase, and you'll hear lots of people really praising it, for a while, but then the loneliness will inevitably set in.

Cooking for one (or just having a crap diet), the sitting on the couch lethargy, the repairs or house thing that someone else could do a thousand times easier, the 'letting yourself go' because you've got no-one to impress, the holidays with no-one to share the memories with, couples/neighbour events where you're the awkward one in the corner... and probably way worse with kids, as there's often no support/buffer to help you through, it's 24/7 intense. Singledom all sounds wonderful initially, but the reality hits you like a tonne of bricks!

I think it's a real challenge these days as everyone meets online, just wants hookups, and/or has been burnt by bad relationships.

Men don't approach these days (after years of people telling them not to); they don't want to seem like they're harassing, so just be pleasant and smile at anyone you fancy, ask for help in the supermarket, don't be shy... they'll come :)

But they don't come.

Which makes the feelings of worthlessness worse.

Being a single parent is not easy. How old are the children? It does get easier. You are mostly trying to get through chores, home admin, a job and support your children. No wonder so many of us feel low at points. My only suggestion is to try to do things you enjoy. Can you do something you enjoy, just for you, once a week? Walk with a friend, cinema whatever. I’ve found small pockets of joy can make a big difference. I am fairly content at the moment, got much more comfortable in my own company.

I've come to terms with being single, but I do miss physical affection. Not sex, just a hug.

I went out last night with some women I'd not met before (work friends of a friend). They all hugged me as part of saying goodbye at the end of the evening and it was lovely.

Single with young children must be very hard especially if you are the kind of person who thrives on doing things as a team.
I hope you meet someone soon. x

I can honestly say it hasn’t got easier they are not young and I’ve been single for years the youngest is 7 I actually find it harder now as when they were young I wouldn’t have dreamed of meeting a new man dating with toddlers or babies would be hard work! I didn’t even consider it but it hasn’t got easier it’s got worse as times gone on.

7 is still quite young. Mine is 15 and from the age of about 7 up it really started to get easier. It’s hard in a different way, but you can get your life back. Hang in there.

I don't think I can manage another 8 years alone 🙁

I thought the same but you'll find a way through. You never know what's around the corner 💐

You will. It will start getting easier from now, you don’t have to wait 8 years! What are you looking forward to right now??

I am single at 39. I do feel people look down on me or find it weird that I am not actively trying to look for a man. I am an introvert so love my time to myself but would be nice to have someone look out for me and go on adventures with.
I do think however that there are very few relationships that I would like to be in when I look at the couples around me. I also think relationships are a lot of work which isn't always talked about.
Fair enough if you want to meet someone but it shouldn't be the default way to go for a woman or for a woman to feel less than without a man.

Don't confuse 2 different things

You CAN manage. You really shouldn't rely on someone else to deal with your life, kids and all.
I mean it kindly, just reverse it. How unattractive would a man be if you heard him saying he needed a female hand to manage his life and kids.

You don't want to be single, you are missing the partner aspect, the one you see without kids and so on.

Relationship should just be for fun to start with.

Well yes I think my kids would like a father figure actually. I want a relationship in the traditional sense.

This is what I worry about I will be almost 50 before I get a chance to date again then I'm guess I'm looking at 60 year old men as most men seem to want younger women. Doesn't leave me with much hope

Wanting a dad for your DCs feels like a very different aim from a young single childless woman wanting a boyfriend.

From the step parent board on here it doesn't look at much to aspire to.

If you met someone with DCs, would you want to be a mother to them?

I hate being single, it seems we're not meant to day that. I hate that it's just me and if I died in my sleep no one would know for a few days. My cats would be starving.

I hate being single but I also hate dating so not sure what the answer is.

Sorry to clarify I am not looking for a father for them just that I think they would like a father figure as they don’t see their own but that’s not what I’m looking for. I didn’t choose to be a single parent he left so I just find the whole thing lonely and isolating. This isn’t a choice I would have made.

Totally understand the not meaning to say it it’s like it’s seen as a weakness or you are not fulfilled in your life when I think it’s human nature to want to have a partner we are not designed to be alone.

Then I think it sounds more like you are traumatised from your involuntary break up.

Have you had any counselling?

It's not wrong for you to feel angry & resentful.