As a SA 'survivor' fucking hate that term - who then experienced sexual assault, teen homelessness, unsupported pregnancy, as well as a host of other things along with just recently the death of someone who suffered extreme pain for many months before during which I had to care for them. I find your post quite upsetting.
Why are they not as resilient you ask?
Well I am not resilient. Never have been and my body isn't working as it should do anymore from the trauma. I can't manage life at the same pace you currently are or at the same pace most people do. Kudus to you, I respect it. But please appreciate that everyone is different. You should know more than anyone else that flesh comes in all forms; some diamond, some clay, some stone, some obsidian. Some women have been through what you have and are dead now. Others are addicts. Were they simply 'not resilient?'
my friends many late 20s come to me crying a lot almost always with suicidal ideology due to small reasons such as a breakup or argument with partner. Many of my friends have lived “normal” lives obviously weigh some issues but nothing long lasting many being in good jobs and have good family support.
now I am starting to get annoyed with the way many of my friends will expect me to sit on the phone for hours at night talking them out of suicide because their man has liked a girks picture on instagram or their ex is out in town and they have seen through socials.
I do find your lack of understanding that loss or low self-esteem is the probable underlying trigger to a partner leaving or showing preference to other women surprising. Those are hugely upsetting events to some people. I'm surprised at your seeming dismissal of this.
By all means distance yourself, I do get that it's annoying past a point, when people are talking about seeming trivia, but you still ought to have some compassion because people can appear to be well and still find loss or so-called ordinary life struggles difficult. Life experience should tell you that coming from a perceived 'great home' isn't always a negating factor for mental illness or emotional instability.
For a different perspective: I went to uni too (as an adult). But I actually found the 'normality grumps' of the young people surprisingly triggering, as it was a painful reminder of what my life should have been at the same age they were. I actually found their inane chatter painfully intriguing; that's what I should have been, working towards my dreams and having a melt down because my boyfriend hasn't texted me back about my birthday plans. Or moaning that my breasts aren't as big as I want them to be. Or bitching about that girl thinks she's something special in the group project,when we all know she's full of shit. My god the things I was dealing with at that age I had no room for that crap. No room for normality growth. I mourned never going through this phase. But I also appreciated that's it a growing thing. These people are growing and will arrive at wisdom later than I have and that's fine.
Two things. I don't think you've fully resolved your trauma and frankly being much older than you, I tend to think it just randomly crops up and a trigger event is a clue that something hasn't been dealt with.
Past prolonged trauma means our ability to take on other peoples emotional load is actually less, but it feels like more, because you're so used to having to have such large capacity for life stress. And you gravitate towards it. It's misleading. The opposite is true. Don't make friends on instinct or out of caring.
If you're anything like me, having been through what you've been through, you can't be comfortable hanging around for long with the super well-adjusted either who can be lovely, but will randomly say the most dismissive, clueless shit, because they've never suffered anything in life. That irritates no end. So you need friends who are in- between.
Not too much work. Not too needy. But have life experience. Can accept when you need space and aren't territorial in their friendships. Find those people. And make yourself less available.