Family still isolating after Covid

[CaptainAwkward]

Bit of a strange one but I've been concerned

A family I know locally have four children, one of them with disabilities which obviously made them vulnerable during the pandemic

However, after taking all four children out of school to be home schooled, have seemed to have withdrawn completely since then

Oldest child (now 16) hasn't physically seen any of her friends for four years and has refused meet ups and contact with them. There's no meet ups with other home schooling families or groups and the only other children they see are each other

The parents no longer work and the children hardly ever leave the house (only to get in the car occasionally)

Shopping is delivered and they seem to have developed a bunker mentality, completely isolated from the world

We (me, friends, school friends' parents etc) have been ghosted after trying to offer support and contact during the first year or so

I'm equally perplexed and worried about the kids

I'd probably report this. I don't know if social services will do anything or not, but I'd want to make sure they are aware anyway.

I would genuinely consider reporting this to social services. You are not saying that there is a problem, just somebody needs to check on this family.
Google “Children’s Single Point of Access” for your county.

Agree, I would report this so that someone can check on them. It might be that they need some support to re-enter the community.

I would report it to SS too, it’s a really worrying situation and the kids needs are being neglected. Sounds like they need some support.

Hmm seems weird behaviour to be honest. I was thinking well maybe they just decided to home school as they preferred it but to hardly ever go out, not see friends etc sounds worrying.

You absolutely need to report this to social services now. This is terrible for the children. Who knows what’s going on?

I used to work in child protection and this would have been a huge cause for concern

I would 100% report this. There are far too many terrible stories about what goes on behind closed doors. Those poor kids.

I would report this too. They're within their rights to homeschool and not to work if they can afford to live. But it sounds like they may be deliberately isolating the children. I would also be concerned the disabled child isn't getting all the support they might be entitled to.

I did speak to SS twice (although this was nearly two years ago) and they seemed to be a bit useless as I wasn't reporting a 'usual' abusive situation and was passed through a few people

I believe it is unhealthy and a form of emotional abuse, like being in a bloody cult or something. These kids haven't had chance to develop normal peer relationships or hear any other opinions than their parents and have been denied childhood experiences that every kid should have

Think I might speak to SS again though. I do know that they have occasional visits from HCP for their disabled child's needs (physio/OT etc) so surely that should've flagged any concerns although they might not be getting the full picture?

Those children's welfare needs to be checked I would report none of that sounds healthy at all

Report. This is a form of abuse. Poor kids

This is rather worrying. I would also pop a call or online to relevant services. Depending what county your in I’d expect them to have to communicate at least yearly with HE dept about what the children are doing? But some do seem to drop under the radar. I had my daughter out of school for the last 2 years of secondary and had to tell them what she did to socialise etc like any clubs she attended, college course, that she was regularly doing normal things like going to the shops or seeing friends.

Sadly the pandemic seems to have pushed a lot of families to revel in self imposed isolation but this is extreme. Incredibly unhealthy and counterproductive. I would report to SS too.

How do you know they're totally isolated if they've cut off contact with you? Maybe they just see people who are not you.

Even if you are right, what exactly do you think social services will do? Home schooling is legal. There's no law compelling people to socialise.

I know as I live very close to them and have spoken to many, many people who are also concerned (including their family)

The vehicle leaves the drive a handful of times a month

I have no qualms with home schooling and have done it myself with one of my children. However, I made sure my child wasn't denied chance to meet other children and develop friendships (and dick about like kids do)

I know the parents are very loving and caring but also prone to being swayed by conspiracy crap so can imagine the whole house has become an echo chamber

And you're right, there is no law compelling people to socialise but there is a need for children to be able to form friendships and meet peers and develop healthy relationships and skills that cannot be met when only ever being with their parents

I think you are watching them a bit too closely tbh.

And what do you imagine ss would do? Put the kids in care if they aren't enrolled in Brownies?

@OptimismvsRealism many children have been saved from abuse by neighbours "watching too closely".

Adults can choose however they want to live but completely different when children are involved in my opinion...

If they live close to you, are there any community activities that you could use as a cover to go and speak to them? Like “Hi, I’m collecting for the local charity”, or “Hi would you like some raffle tickets “. I just think maybe extending the hand of friendship might be more productive than setting the authorities on them, which is how they might see it?

Somebody has to be socialising and in regular contact with them to know all these intricate details about their lives and that there are absolutely no meet ups with other homeschooling parents or friends. I think that person, who clearly knows them very well, should be the one encouraged to raise concerns - they’re in a much better place to put forward how serious they think the situation is than somebody who “knows the family locally” and is likely to be written off as a bit of a busybody.

People have tried that and they either stand in the porch to turn them away or don't answer the door
Relative said that a HCP was made to wait outside recently

I just want the kids to be okay so I'm going to speak with someone re safeguarding later

I think the parents are very good at telling different services a far from full picture of what's actually going on eg 'DD has lots of friends' actually means online people and hasn't physically interacted with another kid/teenager in four years or left the house alone since being 12

My guess is 2 years ago was much closer to the pandemic and it was unhealthy, but less extreme, for a family to be acting this way (and social services were overwhelmed). If its still happening now this seems super concerning - I would report it again.

I agree

Tbh I don't give them a second thought most of the time as I'm busy and it's gone on for so long. However, I pass their home several times a day and my kids bring up the bizarre situation as though commenting on some ghostly mystery with the ever present car plus closed curtains

I'm not exaggerating when I say that all the small circle of friends that the mum had (including best friend since childhood) plus cousins etc as well as other 'mum' friends have been cut off

There are no other family members/grandparents due to passing away and the parents going NC with the rest years ago

I asked a family member but they just shrugged and said they don't see or speak to them anymore since Covid and stated how weird it all was

I'd say our families were close before all this, I looked after the DC and the teenager grew up with mine. Had sleepovers regularly/days out/came on holiday with us as well as playing out after school all the time

The whole family were sociable, dad played in a band and both went out with friends weekly etc but that's all ended

I tried to keep communication open, offering to drop off things and other support but they battened down the hatches and haven't seen anyone (had parents' friends who we didn't really know well contacting us to check if they were okay at one point)

It's just so weird

I had a friend who went like this during and after covid. Luckly she recognised it for what it was a got therapy. It is a long road and she is nowhere near recovered yet but at least she knows the behaviour was not normal and does socialise now.

What were they like before?

It’s absolutely not the case that the concerns of acquaintances would be written off as being “ busybodies”. This attitude is why terrible things slip through the net