So many men think the nice things are women's work.
That they don't matter.
And when women give up and accept it?
Means "See? I was right not to bother."
Use your words - you've practiced here, now talk.
This is about feedback, exactly as it would be with poor performance and attitude at work. There's a whole industry in teaching how to have difficult conversations - it's one of the things I train.
'When you / I feel / the result is / so in future' is a useful way to structure a conversation.
"When you ignore/minimise my birthday, and put no thought into finding out what I'd like as a present, or invite my own friends to dinner, I feel you don't care, that I don't matter to you.
(No - you need to listen to me.)
So as a result I'm feeling angry/upset/offended/uncared-for/unimportant/etc.
For a happy marriage, I need to feel considered, that I matter to you.
I expect from you what you get from me.
So in future, I expect better from you.
All right?"
Stay calm, collected, polite, neutral tone, expression and body language, so he responds. If you get angry, tearful, shout - he'll react. "Stop nagging".
And don't let it drop. Keep it top of mind, observing his consideration to you.
Remind him if he's slipping. Because if he thinks he can, he will. Emotional laziness is not allowed.