To ask if you believe “the heart wants what it wants?”

[BeRealRedSquid]

We often hear the phrase ‘the heart wants what it wants’ when it comes to relationships or difficult choices. Do you believe this is a legitimate way to explain our emotional decisions? Or is it just an excuse to justify actions that might not make sense logically or morally?

AIBU to think that sometimes following your heart isn’t the right thing to do, even though it feels like it in the moment? I’d love to hear what you think about this idea and whether you believe the heart should always have the final say.

It’s absolute bullshit peddled by people to justify hurting others

I think we make choices.
I hate it when people say ' you can't help who you fall in love with'. You might not be able to but you can absolutely choose what to do with those feelings.

You might fall for a married man...so what? You choose not to do anything about it.
We are not at the whim of our instincts like animals. We can think and choose and make active decisions.

I think you’re reading an awful lot into a fairly meaningless tautology.
And I’ve never heard anyone say this phrase personally, except once from Penny on the Big Bang Theory.

Emotions are a terrible way to make decisions, although quite a common one.

Sure, the heart wants what it wants, and you feel how you feel.
But you don't have to act on that, and hopefully as adults we have learnt to take a step back and think things through before reacting, because having no thought beyond your desires and emotions in the moment is essentially a description of how toddlers live life.

Its a bit like a bigger more emotional verion of the marshmallow test, so essentially bollox

It's a bullshit excuse for emotional ineptitude and incontinence, see: Romeo & Juliet.

I think people very often act on their emotions or what they want in the immediate moment, without thinking about it logically or considering the consequences; but admitting this doesn’t sound very sensible or emotionally literate or mature, so they think saying “the heart wants what it wants” adds a sense of romance and glamour to it all.

It’s a slightly loftier-sounding way of say ‘I shag unsuitable and/or married people.’

Ridiculous. What if your heart told you to kill someone or snatch someone else's baby?

If it's in the context of romance, then it's sentimental rubbish.

Yeah this. Sounds like an attempt to justify cheating.

Well yes the heart does want what it wants but that doesn’t mean we should have it!

my heart wanted my abusive ex but I still left him anyway and my life is so much better for it even though at the time it hurt me to leave because I loved him.

my heart (or actually my groin) has in the past wanted someone who was in a relationship but I didn’t show even a glimmer of that and as far as the rest of the world knows iv never ever felt that way because it would have been terribly wrong to even contemplate going there!

My heart wants a cake every day but I don’t have one because it’s not good for me.

my heart wants to spend money on nice things but I spend what I know I can afford instead.

Isn't it just a way of explaining/justifying decisions or impulses that are made based on emotions rather than logic or rationality?

I don't think I've ever heard anyone say it in real life anyway, except maybe jokingly about wanting another biscuit or something. I wouldn't read to much into it.

😂

Your heart isn't always the most reliable indicator of what's good for you long term.

Wanting something doesn't mean you should have it if its damaging and unhealthy.

The better saying I heard a while back was “it’s ok to be sad about making the right choice”

It's an excuse for poor behaviour from people who don't have the emotional maturity to accept they are making wilful conscious choices that impact on others. 'The heart' is not a separate entity - it is part of a person who also has a mind and a moral code and a set of responsibilities they have chosen to take on in life.And most of the time when it's used, the word 'heart' can be replaced by 'willy'.

I never hear that phrase said of two single people who fall in love, without complications. Only as a pathetic excuse for people cheating on partners or walking out of young families to start a new one. I always assume people who say or think it don't like to acknowledge responsibility for their actions.

The human emotional choice can be cruel and sadistic.
Inflicting immense pain on someone else or animals or whatever is never "right" but many of us seem driven into it.

The only person who I’ve heard use this phrase IRL is someone who could definitely do with listening to their head more often.

Explains a lot in why children suffer their parents decisions

I do believe that the heart wants what it wants, but you are responsible for not acting on it if it wants something immoral / harmful.

As a teenager my heart wanted my gay English teacher. Too bad for my heart!!!

As I once said to someone desperately trying to justify a really poor emotional choice:

Don't follow your heart; it's a pump not a satnav.

It’s meaningless phrase, trotted out by people with no self-control. It’s up there with “be kind” and “live, laugh, love” and all manner of other Instagram friendly bullshit.

Agree with all PPs.

Load of nonsense to justify poor behaviours and decision making

It's the same as 'all's fair in love and war'. Sometimes you have to do what your heart wants.
As long as nobody gets hurt and no children are involved then fair enough. Otherwise everyone needs to moderate their own wants and needs for those who rely on them; But that doesn't mean that you don't get what your heart wants, just that you have to consider the financial and emotional well-being of some other people along the way.