Bring a plate

[drivingbelle]

Friend's dh was celebrating a significant birthday. We were happy to host a celebratory meal and happy to go all out to make it special.

He's having a further celebration, organised by my friend - and she has invited 3 couples of which we're one. Invite says 'I've decided on tapas to give you all a chance to contribute by bringing a plate'. AIBU thinking this is a bit 'off'?

Tbh, I'm getting sick of the 'bring a plate' business. I kind of think if you invite for dinner, then feed your flipping guests! I don't expect invited guests to bring a plate.

Hear you OP.
Hate this shit.

Plate of olives?

Decline the invitation then.

Maybe she can't afford to feed you all or can't cope with cooking it all. I would happily contribute if it was a friend whose company I enjoyed and I wanted to spend the time with them.

I can see your point, but this is pretty standard amongst my friends. We generally don’t show up to each other’s houses empty-handed, whether it’s a dish we’ve cooked, a dessert, snacks or drinks (depending on the nature of the visit). I think it’s cultural (I find myself typing this a lot on MN! 😄)

They may be in financial difficulties.

I don't mind the "bring a plate" thing, but her actual message would get up my nose. She sounds irritating.

An empty plate to fill up, yes please!

I have no issue with this sort of thing - only problem in my eyes can be duplications in dishes if not organised. But if it's not your thing then don't go?

I'd rather take a plate and it be a shared thing. More relaxed than sitting there and having dinner done to you. Also less pleasure to do dinner to them in return.

Yes the 'give you all a chance to contribute', patronising.

if they are they probably shouldn’t be having 2 birthday celebrations for a grown man!

No. If anything, as a single parent working part-time, I earn less than them as a couple. They are definitely not short of money. I could refuse the invite but the 'bring a plate' cones after having accepted. I just wish for once I could rock up with just a load of wine and not have to think about what food to bring, going the shops, making it, etc etc

We used to have regular meals where the host did the main and the two other couple brought starter/dessert. Of a friend said “bring a plate” I’d assume she wants to see us but is busy and wants to share the load - which I’d happily do. Can’t understand why you’d respond by feeling annoyed enough to post on mn.

I actually hate people bringing food to my house. What am I going to do with it, how does it need cooking, I dont want people in the kitchen either, trying to 'help'

if you're worried about cost and effort be the person who brings a pack cheese twists or mini popdoms - cheap, easy, and really tasty to munch on when having a few drinks.

Fair point on the friend changing to type of gathering after initially putting forward and getting RSVPs to something different, not really cool, but really for me (unless it was only a few days notice) I really wouldn't care. As PP said, it seems our friend groups operate quite differently

Hate it when people ask a favour but act like they are doing you a favour

I think it’s fine. We host all the time. I have friends who moved years ago and I’ve still never seen the inside of their houses, because they will just never host. I’m sick of being the only one who ever pays for everyone’s entertainment. I might just start doing this from now on!

I was invited with two others to a friend's house for afternoon tea to celebrate her birthday.
We arrived with gifts, flowers, etc.
She charged us for the food. I didn't have cash on me so I had to send it by bank transfer.
I was quite surprised.

I don't mind this as I'm fussy with where food comes from and how clean the place is, so I can eat my own food.

Rightly or wrongly, my stance on this can differ depending on the people/situation.
In my friendship group are a married couple with no ch, and they are high earners. They hosted a bbq this august and after inviting us, asked everyone to contribute a pack of bbq meat. They did salad and crisps whilst we all forked out for meat. At the end of the bbq there was so much left over and she started brazenly putting it all in her freezer. I regret so much not saying “Oo I’ll take those sausages I brought home” but foolishly didn’t.
But then other times, other friends have hosted get togethers and suggested bring a plate and irs been nice, and felt fair. I get it if people want to host and get everyone together but don’t necessarily feel they can cope with cooking for x amount of people. Alternatively they can suggest a meal out but then everyone would be paying even more, and sometimes the nice at home, cosy vibes are good too, without putting one person under loads of pressure. But then I do also feel in this situation, your friend is hosting this for her husbands bday, so should she be making a little more effort and not expecting you all to? Quite possibly!

@LorettyTen I can't believe your friend, what a greedy cow and I'd be backing away from her, this would put me off of her, I hate greedy people

Oh god! That’s so cringe!

This is totally unacceptable! If it’s a ‘all chip in’ situation that’s fine but it should be clear in advance.

I think this is fine in a student type situation - let’s all chip in and share without any formality. But I got invited to a 50th birthday on this basis - and honestly, it just looks lazy. You want to have a party? Fine. We will come to celebrate with you and bring a gift and some wine. But then it’s on you to
sort some food. And the cost of that can be as much or as little as you choose - I ended up with about 30 for a coronation bash and couldn’t be bothered with faffing - knocked out more sandwiches than anyone could eat for a tenner. Chilli and rice isn’t expensive if you want a hot meal. It’s the faff that’s the issue….

Have literally never been asked to “bring a plate” and have never asked anyone to either. Didn’t know this was a thing!