Losing my mind after two babies

[Tiredoflifemum]

Hi everyone, I really need some help and advice. I have two children, one is 3 and the other is 1 years old. I want to go back to work and been hunting for a job, just got offered one. But my partner says I’m being selfish and only want to go back for me. Baring in mind we haven’t managed to buy our own house, living at my parents as a house didn’t go through nearly two years ago. I’m losing my mind, I don’t have any time to myself. Husband now saying relationship is dead as we have had hardly any intimacy since second baby. I feel trapped, whilst he goes out working all times of day and night and going on trips away with friends. He won’t even let me go to the gym or anywhere just for one hour. Am I not seeing something here? I feel like a slave. Now I’ve got this job starting next month, he’s saying he won’t be contributing to the children having to go to bed on time and will just wait for me to get home to do it. We argue all day every day, sleep in separate rooms. Is this normal?!

He sounds like a selfish arsehole.

He's controlling you and you need to end the relationship. He doesn't have any right to tell you what to do. Go back to work and ask him to leave. Go through CMS for maintenance.

LTB.

Can you get rid of him, he sounds awful! Unsupportive and entitled. Start your job, save your money. Would your parents let you stay there as long as you need?

Time for your H to move out.

Controlling which is abuse.

What good does he actually bring to your relationship?

It's not normal
It sounds abusive
So your job now (looking after children) is 24/7? When's your leisure time? When does he do any parenting?
Sounds like you would be better off without him and you'd potentially get a break every other weekend!

He’s a dick. Take the job, and work your way free. You can do it, it’ll be better than this.

WTH. He won't look after his own children. What a twat

He doesn’t want you to take the job because he wants to control you. Take the job and kick him out. He will only get worse!

This is abuse. The one good thing is you’re at your family home. Kick him out, claim CMS and get your job! Sounds like you’d be better off and have less hassle!
He sounds like an absolute %*%##.

Why can’t you just rent a family home?

Take that job! He sounds very controlling, abusive and an absolute twat. So basically he has money for trips but has to live with your parents? He sounds like a massive loser.

What a bellend. Tell him to move out, ask which days he will have his children? Suggest a pattern of monday-thursday/ thursday - sunday on rotation. Then not only will you have a job, you’ll have every other weekend off.

It is NOT your sole responsibility to stay home with them, it takes two people to make a baby and two people to raise it! I went back to work at 8 months and DH had 4 months of paternity leave with them until they went to nursery aged 1. He loved it and I felt much better getting back to my job and having some time to myself.

Baby loves nursery and we enjoy going to work and taking care of our baby together in the mornings and evenings and at weekends.

Your partner sounds like a nasty piece of work. What father wouldn't want to look after his children, and take care of the physical and mental health of their mother? Disgusting behaviour. Truly. You deserve much better.

Listen to the above on this thread. This is not normal and it’s not ok. Get yourself back into work - you want to be working and that should be sufficient for him to be working with you to make it work for your family. It was for my DH 15 years ago and we’re still together now - you’re a whole human being, not just “mother to man’s children” - reclaim the ground now or get rid - he won’t improve.

Of course he isn’t being normal. Take the job, and seriously reevaluate if this is a guy you want in your life at all.

You are an individual human being and you absolutely need space and time for yourself, whether that be work, gym or otherwise. Being a mum doesn’t negate that. Focus on what you feel you need in this life. If you want to work, then that’s what you should do. If you are happy within yourself then you will show up for your kids way better than if you’re miserable. Being at home with them 100% of the time doesn’t make you a better mother. What matters is being present with them when you’re there and having quality time with them where they have your attention and you’re engaged and happy to play with them. Part of that comes when you feel fulfilled and whole within yourself. Your cup needs to be full to fill theirs.

If your partner is using tactics to downplay your needs, then that’s on him. You do you. He will have to adapt or the relationship will wither and die. Sounds like he’s potentially unconfident in dealing with the kids on his own, but he’s going to have learn - he is their dad after all!

He won't "let you" go to gym? Fuck that, who made him the boss?

He won’t even let me go to the gym or anywhere just for one hour

So he is abusing you. Get out while you can

Congratulations on your job offer. This is fantastic news. It’s your ticket out of this unhappy situation. You don’t even need to disentangle your living situation. You can simply tell him that he is no longer welcome as a guest in your parents home. Will your parents offer you some practical help with the children for now? It’s bound to be difficult to manage on your own but it’s not actually easy now, is it? You might well feel better without the constant criticism and lack of support dragging you down.

He sounds like a selfish arsehole. If he's not prepared to look after his own children, I'd show him the door 🤷‍♀️

No that is not normal.

You're living at your parents?

Just tell him that it's over and he can pack his bags. That's it.

Get him out of your parents house. Get a job if that's what you want. You should get help towards childcare as a single parent. And might even qualify for housing if you are living at your parents withtwo children. He is a waste of space.