Constantly criticised for not wanting to go “out out”

[EIP]

I'm 30 and have lived and worked in the city for several years. My 20s were full of wild, alcohol-fueled weekends. I'm married now (DH same age) and these days we much prefer a cozy night in together with a bottle of wine or a relaxed dinner out with a couple of drinks, then back home at a reasonable time, waking up fresh the next day.

I still go out with friends for drinks once or twice a month, but most of my time is spent doing more homey things with DH. Several friends have noticed the change and I’m constantly told I’m “boring”, a “recluse”, and wasting my life staying in, given I live in the city and currently child-free.

I seem to be the only one in my social circle (all early 30s) who isn’t interested in late, heavy nights out anymore. So, AIBU for being this way at 30? Would love to know what point you started losing interest in these sort of nights out?

Enjoy your free time while you’ve got no kids ! You may well regret it when you’re stuck in with no babysitter !

I’m 34 and have little to no interest in going out out. My friends all think the same as me.

It sounds like you’re social circle and friendships are based on drinking and partying rather than anything more substantial.

It is perfectly normal to enjoy quiet nights at home. Just like it’s perfectly normal to enjoy going out.

Live the life you want to! As David Bowie said “I know when to go out, I know when to stay, get things done.” Do what makes you happy!

People that think you can’t enjoy free time unless it involves a heavy night out drinking are pretty boring themselves, aren’t they?

I didn't even like late nights out in my 20s!! Think I grew out of it when I turned 20!! More than two evenings out the house per week and I'm tired. Much prefer lunches and daytime activities. I was born an old lady though.

You are perfectly normal. Nothing better than waking up hangover free, well rested, minus multiple receipts for overpriced drinks, and an untouched bank balance.

All my newly divorced 50 something friends want me to go out out all the time and on holidays (went on one never again!).

My DH picks me up before midnight and I leave them all to it.

Do what you want to do.

I love my bed and sleep.

I've gone through stages. I was a very early starter (first club at 13 in the days before ID) then completely over it by 24. Had a renewed interest in my 30s until about 40, then lost interest again with a last hoorah in my 50s till covid killed the night out. Now I'm 55 and I go out out still, but usually to gigs now. I can be out till the early hours but I'm teetotal now so never suffer the next day. My point, do what you enjoy. Out out isn't going anywhere and will be there and waiting for you if and when you want it again.

I was wild up until 37 & now it’s like a switch has been switched, I nave less than zero interest in going out drinking. I like meals & a couple of drinks late afternoon but not don’t want to be out after 8pm.

O used to be out all night until 9am the next day & now even 9pm fills me with dread!

Honestly, do what makes you happy.

I'm 38 and the thought of going on full on nights out honestly fills me with dread! I'd started to wind down a good few years ago, and then I met my partner and our little boy was born and it's honestly such a relief now so have an easy excuse not to go on any wild nights out! I did this loads in my 20s and for a long time now I've been well and truly glad to be over and done with it

They're not mutually exclusive. I had a wild time in my 20s but even then I enjoyed a quiet night in and bed at 8.30pm if the mood and my energy levels called for it. Still enjoy a wild time but the ratio has tilted - but I'd be very disappointed in myself if I ever "grew out of" dancing, clubbing or partying.

Never stopped wanting to go out out!

Yes, it wavered when we had small kids but we've always had the nights out we wanted and took turns to stay in. I can't understand people who are happy to have 'cosy nights in' during their 20s but each to their own...

You do what suits you OP. It's your life.
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For what it's worth you don't sound boring at all: sounds as though you have a good relationship with your DH, you enjoy time with him, but you still socialise with your friends, albeit not as much as you used to. Sounds great to me!

YANBU to not go 'out out'.

But are your friends actually upset that you're not making time for them anymore? Maybe it's not so much that you're not out out, but that you're doing everything with DH now.

In the same boat as you, ignore everyone else, do what suits you

I'm almost 50 and love a good night out. I've had 15 years of staying in with the kids and never want to watch Saturday night telly ever again tbh!

Maybe your friends miss spending time with you?

I would say make time for your friends because they will most likely be vital for decades to come but there's lots you can do that doesn't involve heavy drinking.

It’s entirely up to you. I’m 52 and your life would be dull for me, but these things are entirely subjective.

Not wanting a big night out is one thing. But do you see your friends in other ways? I think the normal pattern is not frequent wild nights out then home every night. It is a gradual decrease in wild nights out, more long lunches (because people live further as they buy places), more quick-bite-or-a-couple-of-drinks after work and then home by 10:30, more Sunday-walk-and-a-coffees or Yoga or inviting friends round for lasagne and wine. You don't stop socialising - it is just that the form changes.

If your friends are still in their full-on phase and you are ready to move on, don't worry - things will change soon. Or if you are no longer on the same page, maybe this is where that becomes clear. Either way, I still think at 30 a social life is surely desirable.

I'm 47 and still love a big night out.

It's your life, live it as you want.

'Boring'

^ when someone calls you 'Boring', prick up your ears and take notice. It does NOT mean that you are boring. It means that the person in front of you is trying to manipulate you into doing something THEY want you to do.

(See also 'Frigid'!)

Laugh it off, OP. Stand tall and be crystal clear about what you do and don't love doing these days - and own it.

Don't waste a second of your precious life doing ANYTHING that YOU find 'boring'.

By "out out" do you mean to a nightclub?

If so, I have never really much enjoyed clubbing no matter my age.

Out for drinks and dinner, or dinner and theatre or some live music or a comedy gig - absolutely.

In for drinks and dinner, also a yes.

And equally happy to be in for a night reading and going to bed early.

I wouldn't want to do any of them all the time.

I hated going out out most of the time! By mid 20s I preferred a show / dinner / film. I hate friends like these, if they can move an inch to be around you then I wouldn’t call them a friend. If they suggested dinner and a lively bar where you could leave 9pm that would be a nice compromise for both parties.

There are many downsides to having kids, but they are all worth it if parenthood means you don’t have to go out.