To think there's nothing wrong with second hand bikes

[cadburyegg]

My exh and I have been discussing bikes. Ds1 has outgrown his and ds2 is getting big for his too, although his still fits for now. For context, both bikes they are on currently were second hand and ds1 also used ds2's current bike before he outgrew it.

I have said to exh that ds2 can use ds1's bike when outgrown and I will get a second hand bike for ds1 probably - the one he tried for size in Halfords was over £300. I simply can't afford that with Christmas approaching and their birthdays soon after. Exh said he "feels sorry" for the kids getting second hand bikes all the time and especially ds2 who "may never know what getting a new bike is like".

I'm fuming tbh. For context, exh pays no regular maintenance as his income is too low according to CMS. I work nearly full time and provide the majority of care plus fund the majority of the kids expenses. I think he's got a bloody cheek commenting on me buying second hand bikes, but now I feel guilty too so I wonder if there's any truth in what he said.

Ds2 by no means gets everything handed down from ds1 btw - a few clothes maybe, and the bikes like I said, but almost everything else he gets new as needed. Same for ds1. But I don't see the harm in passing down some things when they don't mind? They are 9 and 6, not teenagers.

So AIBU?

I'd just nod along and say yes it's not ideal....you are more than welcome to buy him a brand new one though... while I waste my money on silly things like keeping them fed and clothed

If your ex feels strongly, he can get them a new bike each!!

As long as they are properly serviced, bikes last for years. Mine is over 20 years old!

Yanbu

If he cares so much he can shell out £300 every 18m

Secondhand bikes are great, you should be able to get a better bike for your money. Worth asking on some of the knowledgeable FB groups for recommendations.

No point in new bikes when they will eventually grow out of them.

Not as long as they are the right size. Don't be me, buy an amazing bike hardly used off a friend for £50 only to find it is far too big for me even with the seat right down.

It's now clogging up my garage.

We always had new bikes but that was back in the day when bikes were cheaper and we had one that was too big and we grew in to it.

Ive bought my DS a new bike at 13 and he was too tall for it within a year, total waste of money.

Second hand is completely fine.

He is an absolutel cunt.

Just be glad your opinion doffers from him amd that you've got primary custody and the best opportunity to shape your kids views of the world instead of that absolutely prick.

Don't waste another moment on him, he's either completely ignorant of his shit Dadding or being deliberately cruel. Either way, you win by not being his wife.

YANBU there's absolutely nothing wrong with second hand. All of my DCs' bikes have been second apart from their first balance bikes.

“Oh I agree ex husband, here are links to the new bikes they both want, I’ll let the kids know you’re ordering them”

There’s a used bike place near us. They are great, they pick up all the used bikes from recycling sites and repair them. You can return kids old bikes in part payment for the next size up. They will service/ repair and run bike workshops to teach you how to fix stuff yourself. It’s really sustainable.

Young children tend to grow out of their bikes a long time before any of the components need replacing and as long as they are cleaned regularly and the basic maintenance is done they will be fine for multiple children. It makes both economic and environmental sense to buy second hand and as PP have said you can often get a better bike for less money that way.

A second hand bike is exactly the same as a new bike to a kid, as long as it's in good nick and has had a good scrub! Why on earth wouldn't you want to reuse/pass on something like that. We should all be doing this more, regardless of whether we can afford new or not tbh.

I hope you told your ex where to go. He has no right to comment when he doesn't contribute towards his children's upkeep.

I own some very expensive bikes, and even then I’m happy to save what has in some cases been 4 figures by having ex demo or an ex pro team bike. My track bike has been passed through the family 3 times before it got to me, with bits replaced to suit like saddle and handlebars. We all had second hand bikes as kids and it wasn’t a problem. You can change things like grips etc. I’d advise buying a relatively plain coloured frame if you can as you can really change the appearance with accessories (bar grips/tape, saddle, sometimes can get coloured tyres, spikes dokeys, stickers etc) if the kids are worried about hand me downs. You can also pick up kids (and adults) bikes from cycle re-cycle type organisations who take them in and do them up which I think is great. You’ll probably get better quality and maintained/built up by a propel mechanic compared to a bike shaped object knocked together by the Saturday boy in Halfords.

Our DDs have had secondhand bikes and we could comfortably afford new. I just don't see the point when they last a couple of years max, so they haven't had many years of wear . We got expensive brands secondhand on ebay.

I'd consider getting a new bike only if they started taking it seriously or rode it daily. At the moment it's a sporadic hobby so no point spending loads on brand new.

Just express your sadness that the children have such a sorry excuse for a father - but no worries, it's all changing now, he's about to buy them new bikes.

A robust well serviced second hand bike is probably tons better than a cheap new one.
Not that £300 is cheap.

He’s an idiot, and I’d be taking the opportunity to remind him that what you can afford to spend on bikes is limited by him contributing naff all to his kids’ upkeep.

Do the bikes need replaced this close to Christmas, rather than being the Christmas gift? Or are bikes considered an essential that should be provided separately?

We always made it fun; went to the bike shop where they could choose any bike that fitted them because they were so cheap, and select the bling to jazz them up or personalise. Then we'd get them home and give them a good service so the kids learned all about how to do it themselves (you could buy them already done but where's the fun in that?). We even resprayed some of them! It was great. Kids don't suffer from learning how to make the £s stretch. (I was a single mum too; ex buggered off overseas to escape the payments.)

As others have said; if he's so bothered by it suggest he gets them. Does he always buy himself a new car?

YANBU. Maybe get them nice new bikes when they're not going to grow anymore, but there's no point spending so much on something that will only be used for a couple of years.

Always bought really good quality, not used much, 2nd hand bikes for ds's, often eg carrera bike. I think it's silly not to.

In Summary: your ex is trying to make you look unreasonable by criticising your parenting. The reality is that he’s a tight arsed knob head.
A second hand bike is far more sensible in my opinion. If he wants them to have brand new bikes there’s absolutely nothing stopping him from buying them.

That's interesting. I've never bought myself a brand new bike. Always from the local bike shop where they have loads of second hand ones and they've lasted for years, infact I'm going to buy another one seen.

Maybe your ex is thinking about a rusty old bike that screeches & needs oiling etc. Tell him you can get a fairly used good bike for half the price. He can wrap a ribbon around it too if he wants to excite the dc.

Pound for pound you're going to get a much better quality bike second hand than new from Halfords. Nowt wrong with a secondhand bike.

Kids outgrow bikes so quickly that I don't think there's any point being precious about these things. Just make sure that they're well maintained.