AIBU for getting frustrated that my in laws come over for a whole weekend once a month?

[Mum8929]

DH and I are having an argument because we don’t have any other childcare around us and his parents are the only ones available to come and help. They live an hour away but every time we need support or childcare it ends up with them coming over and staying overnight and almost staying the entire wrekend. On anverage this happens every month or two. I appreciate the help however I do find it draining to have to host them for a whole weekend this often when DH and I both work full time and the weekends are our only time together. AIBU my DH seems to think it’s not that often?

YABU.

Whinge whinge whinge about in-laws. So many MN threads.

FGS. You'll be a MIL one day. Think on.

You have options here @Mum8929 .

1. You carry on as you are
2. You could drop the kids to their place and collect them the day after thereby cutting down the requirement for them to travel to you and stay over.
3. You find alternative childcare when you want it using something like sitters.com
4. You could schedule your nights out to finish earlier thereby allowing the grandparents to commute home again?

There may be other options but which of these options suits you all best?

Perhaps your in laws are viewing it as coming to see you all for the weekend and babysitting while they are there? Therefore helping you rather than being a burden. I don’t think that is unfair on their part but if it doesn’t leave the necessary time for you to recover from the week and spend time relaxing together then your husband can chat to them about it. Maybe they could leave after brunch on Sunday and you would have the rest of the day left. I don’t think it is reasonable to expect them to just turn up, do their shift and buzz off again, however, you also should have some of your weekend left for yourselves.

If this wasn't a childcare thing then yes it would be far too much. But you are getting to go out with your husband, most people don't get that

Yeah you can't expect them to give you free childcare and then not spend the weekend with their son and GC if they want. If they're giving childcare, then you are getting time alone with DH you wouldn't otherwise have. It's not that often, assuming they're not difficult people.
Can you just tone down the hosting so it's not exhausting for you? Eg get on with any housework while they're in the house rather than rush through it before, even invite a friend round for coffee while they're there.

Who cooks for them, changes their bedding etc? If it’s all left to you, just stop doing it, your husband should be hosting as they’re his parents, he might then realise it is a problem after all and have a word with them, I don’t know why some people here are acting as if babysitting for a few hours means it’s perfectly reasonable to stay the whole weekend and there’s no middle ground.

I honestly don't get this mumsnet obsession with "hosting". It's not a Downton Abbey banquet, ffs. It's an extra portion of what you were going to eat anyway and changing some sheets. And only changing the sheets if you're going to use your spare room before the next time you want a baby sitter.

Obviously different if you don't have a spare room.....

This is easily solved pay for a babysitter. simples

Once a month or two for a weekend doesn't seem like that much TBH.

How often do you think you should see your PIL?
How often do you visit them?

Pay for childcare or put up with yr in laws, u can’t have it both ways.

Not sure how old your kids are, but consider suggesting they do a sleepover at the grandparents? My kids have done that from very young and love it, and my parents would much prefer it that way round than coming down here and sleeping over at ours.

I think you are unreasonable. Maybe they want to see you all and spend time with you and not just be treated like babysitters.

They are your husband's parents. I'd be upset if my husband moaned about them coming once a month.

You have another 3 weekends a month for relaxing family time with just your family unit, I wouldn't begrudge them this time.

But of you feel its too much, you could always look at reducing the support you accept off them

When your kids grow up do you think you'll be permitted to visit them?

Beggars can’t be choosers.

Always a suspected journo when the OP doesn't return to their thread after asking for advice

What would journo get out of this thread

I wouldn't love this either, OP. Fair enough for them to come a few hours before you and DH's date, stay overnight and then leave mid-morning the next day, or even after lunch, but staying for the whole weekend seems excessive. It's quite a strain on you to be hosting and doesn't leave much time to relax with your immediate family before the working week starts up again.

IP my MIL does this too. She lives an hour away as well but will often stay on for days. Made worse that she's quite horrid (except to the kids) but she's our only childcare too.

I just really weigh things up to see if the night out/plans are worth sacrificing a weekend with her for.

I'm grateful to have her childcare support but it's difficult when she's so unkind.

If I babysat my gc whilst dd and dh went out in the evening I would expect to stay the night as I don't want to travel home by public transport late at night - even though I only live about an hour away. If I was able to leave about 7pm then I'd go home.

YANBU. Parents and in-laws both live an hour away and there are no adult sleepovers either way! If we need childcare I usually drive to my mums on a Friday night and drop the kids off, mum brings them back Sunday morning xx

Well there’s an easy solution, don’t ask them.

Say if you’re going out from 7pm - 11pm on a Saturday it’s not unreasonable that they stay over. They could be getting on a bit and an hours drive at midnight might be an unreasonable thing to ask them.

If you want time with your DH, go out for a swanky lunch instead and ask them to do 11am -4pm then fuck off home.

I do get it. We used to have a similar situation, but less frequent. One evening of babysitting took us three days. A day of cleaning/preparation, a day of arriving/hanging out/catering and going out in the evening, a day of debriefing/catering/clearing up. We gave up, waited until DC were a bit older and swapped babysitting with friends instead. And met up with grandparents separately for one day at a time. Much easier all round.

So they need to help you on your terms only?

You knew the childcare situation before having a child that is your decision it is not on them

AIBU my DH seems to think it’s not that often?

Bet he does fuck all to accomodate them too. Bet you work too, with the whole shebang of working, child-care AND taking care of the Inlaws too.

As long as you put up with it OP, it will carry on. Time to have a chat with him.

You are not his skivvy.