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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I rude to date?

50 replies

Littlesandjoolz · 20/10/2024 09:26

I went on a date with a guy who I know through work, doesn't work for my company but we have used his companies services a couple of times. We swapped numbers and have been texting for a couple of weeks.

My works Instagram page is public and there are pics of me and my ex bf on the page from work events and ceremonies.

This guy asked if I wanted to meet up and we'd been getting along so well, plenty of things in common, quite funny, seems shy. 2 phonecards before the date all went well.

So we met up on Friday and I thought we had a great time. At one point he mentioned my works social media and how he'd seen photos of me with ex. He then asked me if all my boyfriends were as good looking as him. I mean how do you answer that? I just said they were to me and left it at that. I can't remember fully but I think he might have done a little tut to that answer.

Came home and sent him a thank you for the date text. He didn't reply, it was only 7pm, which is fine, but my gut was telling me he was being off with me. I left it. Woke up yesterday to a very long message him basically saying he feels I've wasted his time and I was rude to boast about ex boyfriends and he even rendered to ex bf on social media as model good looking.

Wtf? Was i rude? He asked me! And I didn't bring up any exs at all.

OP posts:
BeMintBee · 20/10/2024 09:29

No you weren’t rude he sounds like a massive insecure twat! I wouldn’t even reply to that message.

phoenixrosehere · 20/10/2024 09:31

YANBU

He brought it up.

He’s shown you early on before you’ve wasted time on him that he would have issues with jealousy and confidence and blame it on you instead of looking at himself.

Understand it’s disappointing but it means you dodged a bullet.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 20/10/2024 09:31

No. This isn’t going anywhere. Hope it’s not tricky at work.

toomuchfaff · 20/10/2024 09:33

Block and move on. He's showed and told you he's an arse. Listen.

CheekyHobson · 20/10/2024 09:39

Christ it’s lucky when twats show up as their real self this early in the piece.

missmollygreen · 20/10/2024 09:46

You had a lucky escape nice and early.

Sounds very odd!

Planesmistakenforstars · 20/10/2024 09:47

What a massive tit. Either ignore him, or (if you have to because of work) send him something bland and generic "I had a nice time, but I don't think this is going anywhere. Good luck!" It's useful when they let you know so early that they're a bellend, so you don't actually waste time on them.

Anywherebuthere · 20/10/2024 09:48

Run away from this one! He is insecure over something so trivial and he asked the question anyway.

Sounds like he will be hard work.

BrioNotBiro · 20/10/2024 09:49

You were gallant towards your exes, and this blokes a weirdo.

Sethera · 20/10/2024 09:50

He's getting in early with his bid to control and manipulate you, hoping you'll tie yourself in knots to get back in his good books.

Block, block, block.

jeaux90 · 20/10/2024 09:52

Massive red flag. No YANBU.

Fevertreelover · 20/10/2024 09:56

Sounds like an insecure bellend.

NowImNotDoingIt · 20/10/2024 10:00

Luckily you didn't waste too much time on him. Massive red flag. You'd spend a lot if time massaging his fragile ego and always falling short. Fuck that.

Createausername1970 · 20/10/2024 10:02

Ditto everything above.

Lucky escape.

Polkad · 20/10/2024 10:02

CheekyHobson · 20/10/2024 09:39

Christ it’s lucky when twats show up as their real self this early in the piece.

Absolutely this.
Twat.

SpiggingBelgium · 20/10/2024 10:02

That’s absolutely bonkers. He obviously has massive insecurity issues and has somehow found a way to blame you for them. You’ve had a lucky escape!

pictoosh · 20/10/2024 10:04

Sounds like a person who's going to take issue with all sort of innocuous things and give you a hard time.
Next.

UhOhSpagettiOh · 20/10/2024 10:04

He has no self awareness. He's insecure. He's expecting you to be responsible for his feelings.
You were not rude.

Bellatrixpure · 20/10/2024 10:04

You can’t help that he’s insecure. He’s unhinged just be glad that he’s ended anything before it’s even begun so you don’t have to

ineedsun · 20/10/2024 10:05

Do you have to have anything to do with him again professionally? If not I’d be inclined to reply that actually it was him who brought up exes and as a bit of advice for any future dates he might have, if he struggles with insecurity he’s better off not raising the subject.

If you do have to work with him again, I’d just say thanks for letting me know and thank god he showed his true colours early on.

rainbowstardrops · 20/10/2024 10:15

As others have said, at least you know early on what he's like I suppose. He's clearly insecure and possibly jealous too. Hey ho, his loss!

Heidi00 · 20/10/2024 10:23

At least you've seen his red flag early on 🚩

pictoosh · 20/10/2024 10:38

Reply something along the lines of..

"I'm taken aback by your perspective. I thought we had a good evening, although I did wonder why you brought up my previous boyfriend then ask about others.
Thanks for being honest with me about your insecurities. I agree that it doesn't make a good basis to take anything forward.
I hope you are able to find what you are looking for in the future. Good luck."

TakeMyBreadAway · 20/10/2024 11:01

🚩

Bullaun · 20/10/2024 11:04

UhOhSpagettiOh · 20/10/2024 10:04

He has no self awareness. He's insecure. He's expecting you to be responsible for his feelings.
You were not rude.

Yes. His shit is his shit. It’s not your job to make a man you’ve met once feel better about himself.