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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I rude to date?

50 replies

Littlesandjoolz · 20/10/2024 09:26

I went on a date with a guy who I know through work, doesn't work for my company but we have used his companies services a couple of times. We swapped numbers and have been texting for a couple of weeks.

My works Instagram page is public and there are pics of me and my ex bf on the page from work events and ceremonies.

This guy asked if I wanted to meet up and we'd been getting along so well, plenty of things in common, quite funny, seems shy. 2 phonecards before the date all went well.

So we met up on Friday and I thought we had a great time. At one point he mentioned my works social media and how he'd seen photos of me with ex. He then asked me if all my boyfriends were as good looking as him. I mean how do you answer that? I just said they were to me and left it at that. I can't remember fully but I think he might have done a little tut to that answer.

Came home and sent him a thank you for the date text. He didn't reply, it was only 7pm, which is fine, but my gut was telling me he was being off with me. I left it. Woke up yesterday to a very long message him basically saying he feels I've wasted his time and I was rude to boast about ex boyfriends and he even rendered to ex bf on social media as model good looking.

Wtf? Was i rude? He asked me! And I didn't bring up any exs at all.

OP posts:
Choochoo21 · 20/10/2024 11:05

I don’t think you were rude at all.

He sounds unhinged and insecure.

I would reply that you’re sorry he feels that way as that wasn’t your intention but you think that it’s best you don’t speak anymore.

Then run 🚩🚩

AppleKatie · 20/10/2024 14:39

This is a case for the 👍 and block approach.

sounds like it will drive him wild!

IamGrout · 20/10/2024 15:07

Choochoo21 · 20/10/2024 11:05

I don’t think you were rude at all.

He sounds unhinged and insecure.

I would reply that you’re sorry he feels that way as that wasn’t your intention but you think that it’s best you don’t speak anymore.

Then run 🚩🚩

Given that you are likely to see him through work, this is the best advice.

MaryGreenhill · 20/10/2024 15:16

Thank God you found out what a complete dick he is .

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 20/10/2024 15:23

I'd tell him to grow up

BCBird · 20/10/2024 15:25

He is insecure. Don't bother

bifurCAT · 20/10/2024 15:27

I don't think twat, just massively insecure. I think many people would be if they saw you had a really attractive ex.

I wouldn't dump him for his actions, but I would for the insecurities as he's likely to need constant reassurance.

There's a chance he actually thought you were playing games with him. Why is a ten dating a 5? It must be a prank or she's joking about me with her friends.

Lavenderfarmcottage · 20/10/2024 15:41

This reply has been deleted

Posted in the wrong place

Lavenderfarmcottage · 20/10/2024 15:43

Oh really sorry I meant to start a thread and have posted here by mistake as am new. Apologies. Don’t know how to delete.

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 20/10/2024 16:08

Sounds like a lucky escape. Hes clearly incredibly insecure. Block and dont give him another thought.

stonebrambleboy · 20/10/2024 16:14

Lavenderfarmcottage · 20/10/2024 15:43

Oh really sorry I meant to start a thread and have posted here by mistake as am new. Apologies. Don’t know how to delete.

Welcome to the mad world that is Mumsnet Lavender 😁

BunnyLake · 20/10/2024 16:14

Thank your lucky stars you don’t have to see him again! Walking red flag as they say. Jealous, most likely possessive and controlling, insecure, the list goes on.

BunnyLake · 20/10/2024 16:17

CheekyHobson · 20/10/2024 09:39

Christ it’s lucky when twats show up as their real self this early in the piece.

Isn’t it just. Very thoughtful of them not to wait till you’re in too deep
like some. He gets points for that at least.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 20/10/2024 16:41

I agree with everyone else here. Incredibly lucky that he's shown you how unpleasantly jealous he gets before you've had a chance to get invested in him.

Run a mile!

Justleaveitblankthen · 20/10/2024 17:07

AppleKatie · 20/10/2024 14:39

This is a case for the 👍 and block approach.

sounds like it will drive him wild!

This
I love pictoosh's suggestion, but this shuts down any further dialogue.

If only my own previous rubbish had take itself out so quickly 🚮

Littlesandjoolz · 20/10/2024 19:18

Thank you everyone. I replied basically saying thanks but no thanks as our different perspectives meant we weren't on the same page. Hes now sent several messages coming up with every excuse under the sun, he was drunk and didn't mean it, he was joking and the most bizarre his mate made him send it. Hes 29 btw

OP posts:
SpiggingBelgium · 20/10/2024 19:20

Ask him if all his mates are that hilarious. If he says yes, launch into a bizarre rant about how he’s boasting about them.

WigglyVonWaggly · 20/10/2024 19:30

I think I’d just reiterate that it’s too uncomfortable now so it’s best you leave things there. You did nothing wrong and have been made to feel like your dating history / past is up for interrogation. Someone that insecure and jealous needs to deal with it rather than demanding reassurance etc.

Littlesandjoolz · 20/10/2024 19:30

SpiggingBelgium · 20/10/2024 19:20

Ask him if all his mates are that hilarious. If he says yes, launch into a bizarre rant about how he’s boasting about them.

Hahahahaha I might just do that

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 20/10/2024 19:39

Why he thinks being drunk should excuse bad behaviour would put me off anyway. Does that mean he thinks it’s ok to be a knob if you’re drunk, that doesn’t bode well for the future.

PattiSmithsPattis · 20/10/2024 19:54

Knob.
I personally wouldn't engage any more. Leave him to it.

pictoosh · 20/10/2024 19:58

What a fool.

Bullet dodged.

toomuchfaff · 21/10/2024 16:31

And block...

ah buh bye 👋

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/10/2024 17:07

Ohhhh he's blown his cover early - lucky for you!

Block and avoid.

If you'd have said 'no actually they were all mingers' then he'd have twisted that to mean you only fancy ugly blokes therefore he also must be ugly.

He'd have twisted anything you said in order to give himself a device to wobble/poke you with to put you on the back foot. The idea is then you grovel and come running to soothe his poor damaged ego and behave in a way he likes to appease him and avoid upsetting him in future.

Only it hasn't worked that way so he is now back-pedalling wildly trying to dig himself out of the hole he put himself in, and is totally unaware that each attempt makes him look an even bigger twat!

Harrumphhhh · 21/10/2024 17:12

Massive red flag. The ones that can’t bear to hear about exes are always the ones that end up being horribly possessive.

I’m struggling to think what a ‘good’ answer in his mind would be.

“Really? I don’t see it myself” (well, why were you with him?)
”not as hot as you” (bluergh, and clearly a lie)
what did he want you to say?

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