To say it's miserable being a parent?

[hazdaz]

I'm so exhausted, I feel miserable and down most days and I just don't feel like I have the strength to be a parent.

I have a 5 year old and an 8 month old and I'm just finding it really difficult at the minute. Barely getting any sleep and then getting up early every day is really taking its toll on me. My 8 month old is being really fussy at the minute as well because of his teeth, he's very clingy and needs constant entertainment but I just feel like I don't have the energy to do it. Yes, their Dad is around and helps as much as he can but even he's feeling it as well at the minute, we're both just constantly knackered and running on empty. My 5 year old is autistic as well so that's another challenge entirely.

People tell me I will miss these days when they're older but I honestly don't think I will. I just want to have my life back a bit and actually get some decent sleep.

Does anybody else feel like this? How do I embrace this time and stop wishing it away?

5yo will be at school 5 days a week, so that just leaves the 8 month old.

They should be napping twice a day, so you could use that time to catch up on sleep.

Ask your DH to take a day’s AL so he can have baby for the day, while you take some time out.

Sleep train baby if bedtimes are difficult.

Sign up to baby classes to get you out of the house and interacting with other parents.

Put baby in nursery 1 afternoon a week or go back to work.

I have four, don't ask me why I carried on we are currently on school holidays, my head is fried. Constant fighting, someone gets hurt, they are bored but don't want to do anything, of course the weather is rubbish. In between trying to work ft. I'm so run down, my iron level is in the pits anyway but I'm a new level of exhausted.
And no I do not miss the early days one jot. I can't wait for them all to grow up but I'll probably get flamed for admitting that

I dont miss the early days one iota. Its much better when they are grown up and become independent and interesting. Meeting Dd2 for coffee today,ds sending great pics from his trip to the Bahamas,dd1 will be able to give me a lift tomorrow while my car is off the road. Its all good.

I only have an 8 months old and I'm EXHAUSTED. Kudos to you, OP, I think you are doing an AMAZING job!

I know someone will pop up shortly with the usual advice about batch cooking etc but truthfully it's just an incredible slog. It does get better, so whatever you can to survive really.

I'm not going to tell you you're going to miss them because frankly I don't, they are hard days and were a slog for me, there's a reason we stopped at 2 and haven't looked back! But what I will say is it's temporary, I have teens now and whilst MN makes out teens are the hardest years that truly isn't my experience, parenting is a breeze by comparison now. You have lots of fun ahead of you, just got to get through this tough bit!

It’s hard, but isn’t your 5 year old in school during the week? We have a 4 year old and a baby and I’m finding it a lot easier now dds in school, it was really hard before September when she was only in nursery 3 days a week. We try and get out the house as much as possible at weekends and arrange play dates so dd has someone to play with that isn’t always us. DH and I have a lie in each at the weekend so we can catch up on sleep.

Yes my 5 year old goes to school during the week, I'd say it's somewhat easier during the day with only one child at home but it isn't. My youngest will have one big nap during the day then really thats it until bedtime, sometimes he will have 30 mins here or there in the car/pram in the afternoon. When he's awake he is very clingy and needy and I'm forever entertaining or comforting him.

It's the early get ups every morning that I'm finding hardest, plus the baby is up multiple times during the night so it's just broken sleep constantly.

Sometimes I will nap in the morning when the baby is asleep and it helps, other times I wake up though and feel worse for napping, really groggy/irritable and as though I'm wasting the day. It's a difficult rut to get out of.

I found the early years absolutely brutal OP. Mine are 6 and 4 now and it's a million times easier but obviously your DS having additional needs will complicate things.

Things will improve, especially once you're getting better sleep. Is there any chance the baby is clingy and sleeping badly overnight because she needs more naps? Mine were still on three at that age, but they're all so different.

You're in the trenches, it feels hard because it is.

I often felt worse for a short daytime sleep too. But it's definitely not wasting the day, prioritising your own rest is important.

Sometimes it's just a case of head down and get through the heads It won't stay like this forever, or even for long, hopefully. Some phases are just really hard.

Someone always suggests one morning or afternoon a week in nursery. I’ve never seen a nursery that allowed less than two full days, split across four sessions if preferred. Maybe it’s regional?

Anyway, I struggle with the early mornings too, and the broken sleep. It is hard. The only thing that really made a difference for me was trying to take advantage of opportunities to catch up on sleep - few and far between for me, but I try to go to bed a bit earlier, and reframing it so that I expect to be up at 5:30 - stopping hoping for anything else and letting it become my “normal” has helped a lot.

It will get better. The days are long but the years are short. Not everyone loves them, either, so don’t worry about whether or not you’ll wish them back one day.

My 2 yo does 2 afternoons a week, South East.

Babies and toddlers are hard. I didn't enjoy that stage to be honest.

Parenting my teen on the other hand is a dream and I love it now. The days of broken sleep, school runs, and soft play are no more. I just have to feed him, give him pocket money and listen when he wants a chat.

You'll get there 💐

Similar here though kids are 5 and 2. Elder DS also showing significant signs of neurodivergence. This is putting a huge strain on us - feel like we’ve got all of the slog and none of the fun that comes with small kids. Huge solidarity, OP.

Sounds really tough op. It's a strange irony that DC are at their cutest when tiny but you are mostly too knackered to really appreciate it.

Is your partner helping you in the mornings enough op?

Can you go to bed two nights a week at the same time as your DC?

Can you call in a baby-sitter for one weekend or afternoon morning to allow you some time out?

Call in family and friends and ask for help. Even if it's a random aunt making you a home cooked meal once a week.

I didn't enjoy it for a long time, when my son started acting out a lot more when he started nursery and being violent with other kids I just didn't want to be a parent, feeling constantly judged and not good enough was horrendous and I wondered if being on the edge of a breakdown constantly was really worth it! He's older now and much better, my husband was working nights a lot which made him crabby and really didn't help.
Husband does sometimes say wouldn't it be nice to have a daughter too, I've said nope no way no thanks, I honestly don't want to do early years parenting ever again!

I remember enjoying it but being extremely tired. I didn't sleep during the day at all, I just used the time he was asleep to do things I wanted to do, such as watch TV or read. I used to meet with people often - my mum or a friend - to make the day more interesting. If he didn't want to have a nap and I wanted him to I would walk around until he fell asleep. He was usually happy when his sibling came home from school and would be happy in his seat watching him play. He probably watched too much TV because the eldest was watching it, but I let that slide.

I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but it really doesn’t. These days, children don’t become independent at 18, when you used to get your life back. It’s hard being a parent full stop. Different age = different shit. But I guess (I think) that parenthood does also bring you joy, on occasions….

I think around 6-10 can be pretty easy, depending on the child of course. Lots of things to do and they were quite easily pleased before the grumpiness set in.

They can be independent at 18 - mine was pretty independent at 19. He went to uni and didn't live at home again. But I enjoy their company as young adults, lots of interesting conversations and you do have your life back in that you can go out or away as you please.

People enjoy different stages. My dm loved 0-4 but struggled with me as a teen (I really wasn’t naughty she just didn’t know how to let go but still be loving). I, however, love the teen years. They are less needy and I can be me around being a mum. Others hate the teen years.

I found it difficult adapting to each age ‘change’, but could see things clearer retrospectively. Like I dealt with things at the time how I thought they should be dealt with, then a few years afterwards realised how I should have dealt with it. And made the mistake of thinking one size fits all - mine had different personalities, and so needed sometimes to be parented differently. Parenting is such a learning curve. We just muddle along trying to do our best, but sometimes failing.

I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but it really doesn’t. These days, children don’t become independent at 18, when you used to get your life back. It’s hard being a parent full stop. Different age = different shit. But I guess (I think) that parenthood does also bring you joy, on occasions….

God I hate posters like this. I got my life "back" years ago, well before 18. I have hobbies, I sleep through the night, I sleep in on weekends. If my child didn't become independent until 18 I'd think I had done something very wrong.

I don't know why but I found with both my DC 8 months was just the hardest. Maybe it's the teething, lack of sleep, they need constant entertainment, they start crawling & you can't get any peace. What I will say is hang on in there, it will get easier or at least nothing stays the same forever. It is incredibly hard & please don't feel guilty for not loving every minute!