WWYD - SIL pushing ridiculous amounts of food on her DD

[Shouldwebuttout]

I get on well with SIL and adore my niece, so not sure what to do about this situation. (And yes it would be DH saying something not me).

she is constantly pushing food onto DN. id say DN is probably not yet overweight but can see it going that way.

They Visited us last week and this is what she ate in a single day..

10ish went for breakfast - they had eggs benefdoct each and shared a sausage sandwich

11 - stopped in a petrol station, she got DN a pain au chocalte

lunchtime - we were out having a picnic, she had two packs of multipack crisp, some sausage rolls, eggs et

earlu afternoon ice cream

we went for dinner at 6ish - she had a large two course meal (steak and chips followed by a sticky toffee pudding. I couldn’t move (and I eat a lot) - she went straight into the seeet shop and got her some sweets and a chocolate bar.

on top of this she drank about five j20s

next day was similar - but I’m trying to give context of just how much food it was

SIL is very slim herself and doesn’t eat much, and DN isn’t “demanding” this food, it’s more my SIL just grabs it and says “have this”

she’s mentioned before how “expensive it is”
to feed DN, so I’ve got a feeling this isn’t a one off as they were on a visit

Would you broach this? If so, how?

I don't think it's possible to broach this in a way that won't damage your relationship. Sounds like SIL has enough to deal with ( horrid ex etc) without feeling she is being scrutinsed and judged by people she trusts.

It wouldn’t be me - it would be DH. He’s concerned too.

Surely if your niece didn’t want to eat it/wasn’t hungry she’d say no thanks I’m not hungry?

Not necessarily, a friend's DD would eat and eat until he was sick when he was this age, literally no off switch. Luckily she grew out of it, and it wasn't so frequently she was overweight.

Yep this, she’s just say “oh yes please” and eat whatever is pushed on her. I genuinely don’t ever think I’ve seen her say she’s hungry as soil is just constantly “would you like a sandwich, here have this,”.

Are there any parents out there who wouldn't tell someone to fuck off and mind their own business if they commented on how they are feeding their 9 year old?

It's horrendously interfering. I can't think of a single way you (or your DH) can raise this without sounding patronising and judgemental.

I don't think the conversation will go well. SIL will not listen gratefully and take notice of the fact that you are so much better at raising children than she is.

Possibly not but surely the right thing to do is at least try when you can see damage being done? The DD will end up overweight and unable to recognise when she is full (might not already) because she just keeps eating and eating.

I’m guessing she ate like this because you were eating out.

We don’t have children (which I appreciate in itself can still seem patronising).
However it genuinely comes from a place of care and worry.

Some of the above - yes. But it’s the same indoors, though generally we will see them at weekends or school holiday,so not so much on say a school day.

Surely if your niece didn’t want to eat it/wasn’t hungry she’d say no thanks I’m not hungry?

Hmmmm - not sure about this. Offer a kid junk and they tend to say ‘yes’. The nature of a lot of the food she’s being offered is that it’s easy to eat because is high in sugar, low in fibre. A lot of UPF. Food like this doesn’t trigger the ‘normal’ feedback mechanisms that stop us overeating.

I don't think it matters. Even if your motives are pure, it is critical. And no adult wants to be criticised by someone. And no parent wants someone suggesting they are a bad mother who is failing their child. People tend to be particularly touchy over this.

My DM constantly tells me I'm fat. She would say she's doing doing it for my own good. I'm 59, so I don't really need someone else input or opinion on my eating habits, to be honest.

I don’t think that sounds like a huge amount to be honest, especially if you’re busy and being active. I think you should mind your own business on this one.

What does your sister eat when she offers her child all of these snacks and meals, out of interest? Does she mirror her or is this possibly some sort of projection based on her relationship with food?

"lunchtime - we were out having a picnic, she had two packs of multipack crisp, some sausage rolls, eggs et"

That sounds like you're saying she ate all the packets in 2 multipacks, so 12 packets.

Do you mean she had 2 bags of crisps?

Not much. She will go all day on something like a cereal bar or piece of cake and then pick at dinner.

No two packs of crisps, I just mentioned multipacks they’re a little smaller than a standard one.

That's too much food for an 8 year old! My boys all had big appetites and none of them would eat that much in a day. J2O they had as an occasional treat for a party or something but they are full of sugar and 5 in one day is ridiculous 🙄

Do you think that your DH saying something to his sister would make a difference? People are generally pretty defensive when they feel their parenting is being criticised so I'd be prepared for that. But if it's done in a sensitive way, it might make her stop and think.

I knew someone who was anorexic who would do this with her DC. My mum has a disordered relationship with food, too, and feeds my kids constantly. In neither of those cases did I feel I could anything about it. Even with my mum and my own kids, no moaning would work, do now I just leave them to tell her no.