WWYD - SIL pushing ridiculous amounts of food on her DD

[Shouldwebuttout]

I get on well with SIL and adore my niece, so not sure what to do about this situation. (And yes it would be DH saying something not me).

she is constantly pushing food onto DN. id say DN is probably not yet overweight but can see it going that way.

They Visited us last week and this is what she ate in a single day..

10ish went for breakfast - they had eggs benefdoct each and shared a sausage sandwich

11 - stopped in a petrol station, she got DN a pain au chocalte

lunchtime - we were out having a picnic, she had two packs of multipack crisp, some sausage rolls, eggs et

earlu afternoon ice cream

we went for dinner at 6ish - she had a large two course meal (steak and chips followed by a sticky toffee pudding. I couldn’t move (and I eat a lot) - she went straight into the seeet shop and got her some sweets and a chocolate bar.

on top of this she drank about five j20s

next day was similar - but I’m trying to give context of just how much food it was

SIL is very slim herself and doesn’t eat much, and DN isn’t “demanding” this food, it’s more my SIL just grabs it and says “have this”

she’s mentioned before how “expensive it is”
to feed DN, so I’ve got a feeling this isn’t a one off as they were on a visit

Would you broach this? If so, how?

It sounds like far too much food. If your DH does say something, make sure it’s not - Shouldwebuttout thinks I should say this to you, it should be a message from him to his sister iykwim,

How old is DN?

He thinks the same - so definitely wouldn’t “blame” me. it’s just such a tough thing to broach.

How old is DN? If she is growing teen might not be as bad as it sounds. She could be going through a growth spurt. Also, how would you describe DN’s weight now? Thin, average, plump etc

How old is the child? Does the mother ever cook?

How old? 4 yr old, yes way too much. 16 yr old who's very active and sporty, yes it's still a lot. But presumably she's not eating those quantities on school days as mums not there to keep handing her more and more, so may not be quite so bad if it's a weekend treat type thing.

Sorry thought I mentioned age in the Op, she is coming up for nine.

That's really bad food. Crisps, sweets, chocolate, processed meat. No vegetables, fruits, nuts, anything nutritious.

That is way too much food. For anyone.

Sil sounds like a feeder, doesn't eat much herself but over feeding her child, could be a type of mental disorder. Anyway it's unacceptable as she's damaging the poor kid. Is there a dad on the scene?

Do you actually know how she eats the rest of the time? Surely if your niece didn’t want to eat it/wasn’t hungry she’d say no thanks I’m not hungry? Yes it isn’t nutritious food but I’d assume weekend treats being with you and isn’t like that every weekend and has more balanced meals on normal weekends and through the week?

I think that would be a lot for a teenager mostly because there’s no mention of healthy stuff. Our teen has been on a growth spurt for about 4 years. His snacking is always fruit and veg/salad. He’s really thin but loves his big dinners. Not into sweets though.

I’m not sure I’d say anything, I suppose I just don’t think it’s the right approach.

Maybe ask her the next time she says anything about the cost “Does Dn ever say she wants food”

What if she says she only buys her stuff when dn asks for it without getting a prompt from her

Yes she does cook (this was a visit, so lots of eating out). But I’ve noticed it will be quite large portions (two chicken breasts rather than one for dinner say).

In her younger days I’d say SIL was a disordered eater (far too little than too much) so not sure if she maybe doesn’t know what a portion looks like

This is exactly it really.
in terms if the dad, they have not been together for years, he does see DN and is involved but I’ve not seen him for a very long time (and he’s not a nice man).

She doesn’t eat this “unhealthily” all the time, but it is a lot.
amd no, she never says “no thanks” she will say “yes please” when offered unless it’s something she doesn’t like.

id say my SIL isn’t very savvy - the J20’s for example she thinks are “good” because they’re made of fruit.

How often do you see them to know what sort of thing she would normally eat? Could you say nothing but keep an eye? Food and weight is such a minefield!

If she's not overweight on that and you are aware of disordered eating background it might be a public feeding and private restricting.

I would say she is heading towards overweight. I think she’s only not yet overweight as she’s very tall.

That's a lot of sugar if nothing else! I expect the poor girl will be having some fillings soon if nothing else. Afraid I don't know what to suggest but I have a similar aged DD and wouldn't even allow that on holidays / party days, and I'm pretty relaxed/DD has a big appetite.

It is 2 days!!

No - that was in a single day.

I’d be more concerned about the sugar, fat and carcinogens than the calories, could your husband broach it from that perspective, maybe send some articles about the health risks

Nothing good will come of you mentioning this. My DDs dad is similar he will constantly offer her snacks/food. I think he does it as a way to show love/caring & she's a very active girl so no issues yet but I do try to discourage it & tell her to listen to her body if she is hungry/full/bored.

That is a lot of food - although I accept its not unusual to eat more on special days out.

If you genuinely feel there is a problem brewing, could you see them more often, invite them to yours for a meal and do sensible sized portions (not suggesting competitive undereating). If you think SIL has lost her way with regards to what is normal and what is not, then it might be helpful.