How to get him to pay his share... or sell the house?

[cocktailhournow]

I'm at my wit's end with my fiancé. He doesn't earn enough to pay his half of the bills and mortgage, because he basically does part time hours through choice or volunteering to give up shifts. He could work more but doesn't.

Each month, I'm paying my half, then have to top up at least another quarter because he doesn't have the money to cover it.

How do I get him to sort himself out and pay his way? We didn't agree to me paying 3/4 of the total bills and I've had to take money from my savings a few times to cover his shortfall.

If he doesn't or can't, I think I'm done subsidising him. He will be very very against selling the house because he won't be able to get another mortgage on his wages. How do I make that happen if he's reluctant?

Can you afford to buy him out? Why are you getting married to a lazy, cock-lodger?

I suppose you have a tell him what you've said here - you're not prepared to pay more than 50% so what does he propose to do about it?

You are blunt with him. The first sentence out your mouth should be, 'Here's your ring back,' frankly.

Tell him you didn't sign up for this and if he wants to continue living there it's 50/50 or you'll see a solicitor about buying him out and he can fuck off.

You need to have a very frank conversation with him and tell him he needs to start pulling his weight financially. You need to explain to him that if that doesn't happen, you will need to sell the house. How long have you been living together?

Run. You're not on the same page at all - this won't work. Sorry op.

@YellowRoom we got engaged just after we bought the house two years ago. I've not wanted to move forwards with the wedding because of the money issues.

OP this only going to get worse. Don't bring any children into this shitshow. Does he have any redeeming features?.

I'd be telling him that the house is going on the market if he doesn't start paying his 50%. He's taking you for a mug because you're paying the extra. Sounds like a first class cock lodger

For goodness sake OP, wake up.

He's a lazy selfish waster and that won't change.

Sell the house asap and deduct every bit you over paid and get tid of him.

Unless of course this is the misery you sant for your future.

Don't give the ring bzck.
Sell it.
No doubt he owes you money.
He really thinks you are desperate and a mug for it.
Dump and don't look back.

This is shocking - he’s happy to take money away from you because he’s too lazy to work full time (you don’t mention any medical issues). This will only get worse with children - he’ll want to give up work to look after them but will be too lazy to do so. You’ll end up shouldering everything.

there are so many red flags. You need to end this. Any improvement will only be temporary

Force a sale take your share from it and buy a new place yourself.
or
if you have enough to be able to buy him out that might be cheaper BUT that leaves you with trying to get him to accept that and then to actually move out!

dont let him play the bit I can’t afford rent or bills or noone will give me a mortgage. Tough that’s not your problem!

He's showing you who he is - he should want to contribute equally but instead is happy to see you work full-time and make up his shortfall. Bring children in to this and you will be working, bringing up the children, sorting the house and mental load.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk urgently.

Why have you ended up tolerating such s loser needs addressing.

You can’t force him to step up. You can break up with him and take legal advice about how to deal with your shared asset (the house) if he won’t agree to a sale or buy-out.

Get out of the relationship. The longer it goes on the more difficult it will be to untangle. Things won't get better, if he's not pulling his weight now things won't improve further on.

Do you have a spare room to get a paying lodger in ?

SPLIT UP FFS.

if he's like this now, when he should at least be on best behaviour to get you down the aisle, can uou imagine how fucking unwilling he will be once you're even more committed and how lazy he will be when there are kids?? The deserve better and so do you.

It seems that you are not on the same page with your approach to finances, this will make a long term relationship extremely difficult unless you can find agreement. You need to discuss your priorities and accept that if you can't agree then you are probably better off splitting up as the resentment will only get worse. You will feel taken for granted and put upon and it will feel like he's getting an easy ride. It will kill any love that exists stone dead.
Take control and put a stop to it now before it does any more damage.

Many women on MN earn less than their partners and don't feel obliged to pay 50% of the bills

I think the relevant part is that they have a 50/50 agreement and he’s choosing not to meet that by working part time. Not what sex they are.

The fact they don’t have kids is also highly relevant.

Really? The ones who are part time by choice and turning down paid shifts when they have no dc? Not sure I've seen that.

Another vote for run for the hills....

Just out of curiosity, have you asked him why he volunteers to give up shifts if he can't afford to pay the basics? He needs those shifts to pay the bills.

But seriously, get out and away. You deserve better than this. I am furious on your behalf x

Well, you were right to hold off on marrying him. I would speak to a solicitor about whether you can get a court order to force a sale.

www.lindsays.co.uk/news-and-insights/insights/can-you-be-forced-to-sell-your-home-as-a-result-of-separation-or-divorce

It needs to stop.
Either equal or you split.
Totally cheeky and unfair.