To think I am a narcissist?

[EducateMe101]

Hi,
my ex recently called me a narcissist so now wondering if I am. I admit I can be quite hot and cold with my feelings and change my mind off and on depending on my feelings (fully aware I am very emotionally stupid) but I love, a lot and I feel enormous amounts of guilt/shame/regret. I love to help people and do nice things for people. I do loose my cool I suppose but am I not just human? I took “am I a narcissist” tests online however it comes back I am not a narcissist.
I don’t feel I am superior and actually I’d put others before myself usually.
the way he has worded it though he actually is making me believe I’m a narcissist? As I say I do know I have deep rooted issues of my own but I really don’t know how if I am a narcissist? Could I be? Honest options please

You've given a full description of someone who isn't a narcissist and you've taken online tests that tell you you're not a narcissist.

I'm not sure what anyone here can do for you?

Maybe he is the narcissist gaslighting you?
I think the fact you are so concerned probably means you are not.
We all have flaws (reflecting on my own interactions today and going to try and do better towards others next week).

I’m not sure I just feel a bit confused. I feel like… can I do all of this but be kidding myself and actually be one? My heads a little scrammed to be honest.

Thank you. That’s a lovely mindset to have and I wish you the best of luck! The world needs more people with your mindset x

Nobody on here can answer this without knowing you! Does he even know the correct definition of a narcissist? It’s not the same as selfish, or vain or thoughtless.

Why are you giving so much weight to a nasty comment said by an ex? You’re obviously not a narcissist. Just forget about what he said!

You’re probably right. I just didn’t really know what else to do as I don’t really have people to talk to, to ask.

I’m not sure, he just knows what to say to get to me I think. I do get really offended when I get called names and my anxiety starts wondering if they are right

Look up FOG - Fear, Obligation, Guilt. You may be the child of a narcissist, and FOG is how you have been trained to react when people who are significant to you call you names or make demands.

I do loose my cool I suppose but am I not just human?

What does that look like?

Calling someone a narcissist is just a snazzy new insult, it’s completely meaningless.

You obviously know the responses a post like yours will get - he’s a bastard, he’s the real narcissist, you sound lovely etc etc

No one on here knows either of you. He’s your ex, who cares what he thinks of you. It’s over between you for a reason. Perhaps his use of pointless insults, perhaps your hot and cold stuff and whatever “losing it” looks like which doesn’t sound great.

A narcissist wouldn’t worry about whether they were a narcissist 🤷‍♀️

When I say “loosing it” I mean in terms of for example if he (ex 1 who called me a narc) were to go in one of his moods for something I would class as very minor (wouldn’t tell my other ex (DDs dad) my mental health is “none of his fu*king business”) word for word it would cause issues with us two (ex who called me a narcissist). Because of him trying to get me to say that, I got in a mood myself because I feel it’s a very minor thing and didn’t want to be so rude! But apparently I had to be because if I didn’t I would be “putting my DDs dad above him” (after we had a conversation to sort our relationship out). Totally stupid and the opposite exact reason I then realised just how stupid I was for agreeing to sort things and so by “loosing it” I told him where to go (although politely for the circumstances). It’s all VERY immature and I cringe at myself for even being in this position to be honest.
I could obviously call him names too which isn’t right or mature (I didn’t in this case) but i have of course called him things before. I’m making no sense am I?

A narcissist wpudl never ask or care if they’re a narcissist. The very fact your asking means you aren't once. It’s a test in itself.

I’ve just looked this up - the ex that called me a narcissist did used to do certain controlling things however he said he felt I was controlling too🤷‍♀️ so perhaps that? I’m not sure. Idk what to believe to be honest

I’ve just looked this up - the ex that called me a narcissist did used to do certain controlling things however he said he felt I was controlling too🤷‍♀️ so perhaps that? I’m not sure. Idk what to believe to be honest

Yea, your ex is throwing around words that he has no idea the meaning of.

A true narcissist would never spend time worrying if they were a narcissist or not

If you've considered and tested it in any way - You are not

The person that is, would never even consider it, is far more likely to be. Especially if they accuse others

I honestly don't think you are. In fact, you're really not

Your ex wanted to hurt you and it worked

Ask yourself why you are so invested in believing him when he says you are a bad person, when you can see he uses those behaviours himself.
Would you consider counselling, or CBT? It would be worth looking into the belief that he must be telling you the truth, and for your benefit.

Narcissist is a word that is now used as a weapon . Like previous posters have said, if you were a true narcissist this insult would be water off a ducks back .

I've been called it a few times by DP, I've never stopped looking at it and it's horrid when you're knee deep in articles saying how basically I'm a piece of . I've watched crime documentaries and I spend half the time thinking I'm a serial killer and drawing parallels with them.

It's an awful thing to be called, and you'll never not think you are one once its been said.

You won’t be. It’s very rare despite everyone’s MIL being one on here

Sorry, just reread and I've made your thread about my experiences. End of, it's not nice and ex or current it's a lasting deeply hurtful thing.