To think I am a narcissist?

[EducateMe101]

Hi,
my ex recently called me a narcissist so now wondering if I am. I admit I can be quite hot and cold with my feelings and change my mind off and on depending on my feelings (fully aware I am very emotionally stupid) but I love, a lot and I feel enormous amounts of guilt/shame/regret. I love to help people and do nice things for people. I do loose my cool I suppose but am I not just human? I took “am I a narcissist” tests online however it comes back I am not a narcissist.
I don’t feel I am superior and actually I’d put others before myself usually.
the way he has worded it though he actually is making me believe I’m a narcissist? As I say I do know I have deep rooted issues of my own but I really don’t know how if I am a narcissist? Could I be? Honest options please

First, not all narcissists have zero insight.

Secondly, my DM used to go around wide-eyed asking people "am I the narcissist/abuser/mad one?" (her words not mine) to get constant reassurance that she was fine, and the amount of people who reassured her that she wouldn't be asking the question if there was anything wrong with her was quite sad really because they were being manipulated. She would often outline minimised one-sided situations that no one could possibly think made her mentally ill, to make people think she was well-meaning and a victim.

No one here can tell you if you're a narcissist OP. You could always pay for a private assessment with a qualified professional if you're concerned.

i’ve met precisely 2 people in my entire life that I am fairly sure were narcs. Neither has any self awareness or would have any self doubt about themselves at all. The fact that you are even thinking about it suggests you probably aren’t. Your ex is just being spiteful.

a narcissist will never admit they are the problem. they will gaslight blame shift diminish a person and act like they did not thing wrong. if you are questioning if you could be a narcissist openly i would say you defiantly are not

Don't engage with him. People throw around narcissist as an insult all the time and don't know what they hell they're talking about. Based on your description of yourself you are not a narcissist at all. It may be that he is projecting his flaws onto you.

Narcissists have low empathy and a grandiose, unrealistic sense of their importance and worth. They are profoundly, pathologically self-absorbed. There are other characteristics but those are the most definitive.
People use the word just to mean somebody they dislike or disapprove of these days. It's stupid, and stupid statements should not be given any credence.

So don't give him any more openings to put you down. Do you have kids with him? If so, make it clear to him that you will only discuss the children when necessary and will not enter into any conversation of a personal nature. Then stick to it, forever. Ignore any attempts he makes to engage you in conversations about you, him or your prior relationship.
If you don't have kids with him just cut off all contact with him. He sounds like a dick.

You're right, a narcissist might do that to manipulate people and get attention.
All we have to go on is OP's description of herself, and judging just based on that, she isn't a narcissist. We don't know if her self description is accurate though. I always start off with the assumption that an OP is being truthful because otherwise there's no point in answering an AIBU.

Your ex should have no bearing on your life, that's why they are an ex. They are never going to lavish praise on you, and tell you what a wonderful person you are.

Time to build your own inner resilience so that if anyone says anything critical or judgemental about you, you can let it wash over you and no take it to heart. if someone really means well and cares about you they would take a far more caring way to point out a home truth to you. An ex is not going to have your best interests at heart.

please don't waste your money and time getting a private assessment. That's bonkers! There are loads of things you can do towards general self-improvement without having to raid your life savings to find out if you're a narcissist just because your ex hurls that insult at you 🤣

Why are you still in contact with him. Maybe consider preventing him from communicating with you, that'll stop him in his tracks!