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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tell me the best bits of having 2 kids!

43 replies

Doglover84 · 18/10/2024 20:55

AIBU to want a second child?

DS (15 months) is our whole world and I thought I'd just have him (I'm almost 40!) but we've loved being parents so much and tempted to try for another.

We've got such a nice life balance at the moment, DH and I both teachers and I've gone part time so loads of time to spend together!

I worry about the dynamic changing and life being more stressful and less happy with 2 - so if you have 2 or more can you tell me the positives?

Due to age need to make decision ASAP x

OP posts:
LostittoBostik · 18/10/2024 20:57

I'm an only child. I wasn't sure about a second but my DH really really wanted one. His brother, who he was close to, had also died young. I kind of felt like I owed it to him to at least try (we also weren't young by this stage).
Having two has been the most unexpected joy. It's really hard work but the relationship between them is beautiful and so much fun.

ItsTheGAGGGGGGGGG · 18/10/2024 20:58

Nothing special imo. More headache if anything

NuffSaidSam · 18/10/2024 21:00

The relationship between them is absolutely adorable. It's a gift for your first child to have someone to share their childhood with (and to take turns visiting you in a nursing home with).

Original poster
Doglover84 · 18/10/2024 21:01

ItsTheGAGGGGGGGGG · 18/10/2024 20:58

Nothing special imo. More headache if anything

Gah I do worry about this. I can't bear the thought of constant bickering!

OP posts:
Brainded · 18/10/2024 21:01

ItsTheGAGGGGGGGGG · 18/10/2024 20:58

Nothing special imo. More headache if anything

Yep! Unless they get on great, it’s pretty much just a battle of decisions then. All questions usually lead to 2 separate different answers and they’re usually just a stubborn as each other. You make a new dish for dinner, and one loves it, but the other one doesn’t. And so on and so on….

Tarantella6 · 18/10/2024 21:01

I'm pretty confident nobody loves me as much as dd2 loves dd1 (including my own younger sister!) And no-one can make dd1 laugh as much as dd2.

They can play stupid games together that no-one else would understand and adults wouldn't do it right.

On the flip side dd1 can be really horrible to dd2, really dismissive and vile and dd2 can troll dd1 like nothing I've ever seen. Swings and roundabouts 😁

JaceLancs · 18/10/2024 21:02

They adore each other and have done so since tiny
They are now adults and still close, they have each others backs
As children they always had someone to play with so kept out of my hair
They helped each other out with education stuff as have very different skill sets
They still help each other eg tonight I was supposed to drop DS off somewhere to pick up his new car and got held up at work, so DD did instead (none of his friends were either available or close enough)

thinkingaboutnextsteps · 18/10/2024 21:03

Mine get on well enough but I will be honest and admit I find the swiping one another’s toys / food / drinks so exhausting.

The good thing for me is I had my first baby in Covid and so it’s been really nice to have an opportunity to do it again ‘properly’ with dc2.

Skyebleu · 18/10/2024 21:05

Having two is wonderful, I loved having one and did worry about the change I dynamic but seeing them play together and build their own relationship is the best. And actually now (mine are 6 and 4.5), I think it's a lot easier than having one because they just entertain eachother. I would actually love a third but don't want to upset the balance now, it's so easy having two and for us at least, just works really well with enough balance between being able to do things all together and give each of them enough time individually. Go for it OP!

Original poster
Doglover84 · 18/10/2024 21:05

JaceLancs · 18/10/2024 21:02

They adore each other and have done so since tiny
They are now adults and still close, they have each others backs
As children they always had someone to play with so kept out of my hair
They helped each other out with education stuff as have very different skill sets
They still help each other eg tonight I was supposed to drop DS off somewhere to pick up his new car and got held up at work, so DD did instead (none of his friends were either available or close enough)

This is the ideal! Sounds like a lovely family, you're very lucky x

OP posts:
lochmaree · 18/10/2024 21:05

It's lovely! Of course there are hard bits, but overall it's been good for all of us. DS1 and DS2 play lots together, also squabble a fair bit, but they look out for each other and one will often help the other up if he falls or bumps something then give him a cuddle. It's really sweet. It's also been way easier than I expected, as DS2 just sort of slotted in and we carried on as we were.

snoopyfanaccountant · 18/10/2024 21:06

Ours are 38 months apart and are very close (DD1 is barely talking to us but remains in contact with her sister).
My favourite memory is of DD2's first holiday at 8 months old. We were driving in the Alps and she and her sister were in the back of my car, one in a toddler car seat and the other in a baby carrier seat, giggling away and I negotiated Alpine roads.

HermioneWeasley · 18/10/2024 21:06

Because there is nothing like sibling love. When they play music together it makes me cry. And when they’re little they entertain each other.

SummerInSun · 18/10/2024 21:07

Watching the way my two DSs, who are nearly 4 years apart, love each other and enjoy each other's company, is the best bit. Yes they bicker at times but overall they get on well and we have far more fun because of being a family of four than I think we would with only one kid.

Also, when you have two kids, you see how different they are even though you raise them more or less the same, and it helps you appreciate that they are people in their own right with their own intrinsic personalities and abilities, not just a product of your parenting successes and failures.

CrispyCrumpets · 18/10/2024 21:08

Them entertaining each other is a big positive. They are never lonely when they are together and have someone to play with.

It's lovely watching their relationship develop. Yeah sometimes they bicker or get a bit rowdy but they will also do sweet things for each other and stick up for one another.

It's also very comforting knowing they will have each other when we are gone.

Original poster
Doglover84 · 18/10/2024 21:08

I think me and DH both being only children, it makes it hard for us to understand properly a sibling relationship.

But also DS won't ever have any aunts, uncles cousins etc because of that so I hope it would benefit him to have a sibling- telling myself that since it's really just that me and Dh wants another!

OP posts:
thinkingaboutnextsteps · 18/10/2024 21:09

It’s fine to have another because you want another - I did!

LegoHouse274 · 18/10/2024 21:10

Oh my god, watching them play and interact with each other, support and care for each other - I just find it so magical, it melts my heart. I have a 6yo and 3yo and a newborn. We won't be having any more for lots of practical reasons but I love watching them love each other, it's one of my favourite parts of being a parent. I'm one of three myself and have a difficult relationship with one sibling but on the whole still a positive one, and am incredibly close to my other sibling. Even the difficult one still adds to my life in adulthood and I have a fantastic niece/cousin for my kids through them too. It's not just about childhood for me, me and my siblings support each other as adults and share the load of supporting our DPs etc and that is so valuable too in adulthood.

Icantbuystrawberries · 18/10/2024 21:14

Older child is great entertainment for a baby. My two children dote on each other and they get into bed some mornings and they are cuddling reading a book. It’s cute now that my oldest child friends also look out for my youngest etc. It’s a luck of the draw if they get on but I also think you can nuture the relationship as a parent.

Yes they annoy each other at times but we try to use it was a learning opportunity. How could you have done x different, how did you doing y make them feel. Next time what can we do? And then the occasional I just shout as I’m over stimulated and not perfect 😂

tealandteal · 18/10/2024 21:15

Seeing your older baby hold your new baby for the first time is magical and suddenly they look so grown up. Watching them have their own little jokes, make each other laugh, build things together is lovely. Yes they do bicker sometimes but there is 5 years between them so potentially more understanding from the older child.

Now they are 2 and 7 and the hearing the little one say “I missed you xxx” to the big one is heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. Seeing your second baby wear all the clothes your first baby wore is funny.

DS1 is kind and gentle with DS2 and they can play with each other or draw together while I do something else. It’s not all sweetness and light but don’t regret having a second for a minute.

When I had my first I wasn’t sure if I could love another child as much but to have twice the love in your life is a wonderful thing.

JumpstartMondays · 18/10/2024 21:16

2.5yrs between mine (now aged 4 and 18m). They adore each other 😍 And they entertain each other so I can get stuff done (like cook dinner), and have dine for a while. I've actually found it easier than having 1 child from that respect!

Small age gap so we still go to playgroups, park trips and days out and some classes that are great for both.

My eldest was very sensible and not a runner so we didn't need a double buggy, just a buggy board which we probably used for about 8months before retiring it.

It was the loveliest thing to hear the first time my youngest said the big one's name, made me melt!

Coatsoff42 · 18/10/2024 21:17

I think your sibling will always know you through and through, no facade, understand your weird family dynamic and never really be able to ghost you. Even if you don’t speak for years, it’s such a deep profound bond, one meeting is so affecting a friendship is only occasionally the same.

I am basing this on my experience, and my dad’s very dysfunctional family.

I would say a sibling is a gift to your child. They aren’t necessarily best friends for ever, but make your child’s life richer, like umami.

Original poster
Doglover84 · 18/10/2024 21:19

Love these replies, exactly what I needed to hear thank you x

It's just such a scary leap to take when we'd only planned for the one!

OP posts:
ItsTheGAGGGGGGGGG · 18/10/2024 21:20

Brainded · 18/10/2024 21:01

Yep! Unless they get on great, it’s pretty much just a battle of decisions then. All questions usually lead to 2 separate different answers and they’re usually just a stubborn as each other. You make a new dish for dinner, and one loves it, but the other one doesn’t. And so on and so on….

Show quote history

You make a new dish for dinner, and one loves it, but the other one doesn’t

Literally😂

Mintearo7 · 18/10/2024 21:24

I don’t regret having another child for a second. My best times are just relaxing at home with DH while watching them play together. It completely changes the dynamic of the family, but in more good ways than bad,