Tell me the best bits of having 2 kids!

[Doglover84]

AIBU to want a second child?

DS (15 months) is our whole world and I thought I'd just have him (I'm almost 40!) but we've loved being parents so much and tempted to try for another.

We've got such a nice life balance at the moment, DH and I both teachers and I've gone part time so loads of time to spend together!

I worry about the dynamic changing and life being more stressful and less happy with 2 - so if you have 2 or more can you tell me the positives?

Due to age need to make decision ASAP x

My 3 year old putting his hand in the buggy and stroking his 8 month old brothers head until he was almost asleep while we were in a supermarket queue today pretty much sums up the best thing about having two - they adore each other. There is also bickering, and a crawling baby isn’t much fun for a 3 year old who has set up an intricate game but in general they have an absolute ball together.

My younger one has some health complications that make life with two slightly more challenging than I had thought but I still wouldn’t chance it for the world, having a second has really been the best decision.

OP both DP and I are only children so I totally get what you mean about not really being able to understand the sibling bond. But I can confirm that seeing it up close is a truly lovely thing. Ours love each other to bits and it fills my heart with joy. On a more prosaic note they also play together loads which takes the pressure of us.

The precious moments when they are actually nice together and helping each other. Mine are little so there is a lot of fighting too. BUT the beautiful moments are so so amazing and so they are a gift to each other 💕

I adore my second. He's wild, sooky, hilarious, cheeky. He and his brother have a brilliant relationship and I feel so much joy having them both. I was an only and always wanted a sibling so I love they have each other to grow up with. They play, kiss each other goodnight, hug each other goodbye. Of course they bicker too but nothing too bad.

But absolutely no doubt about it, life would've been so much calmer and peaceful and overall easier with just ds1.

I’d say have another one because you want one - not because you think it will be good for your existing DC. They might get on brilliantly, they might not. They might be friends for life, or they might just not have much in common as adults.

I’ve found having two more stressful of course and can’t believe looking back how easy it was to just have one. But I absolutely love my second child as much as my first, I love that we’re now more balanced between children and adults, I love that it’s chilled me out a bit more in my approach to parenting, and I actually love being busier as a result. The fact that they’re cute together sometimes is just a nice bonus.

I don’t like the constant being unable to share, having to juggle their differing needs, having an extra child to worry about and the extra costs involved. But we always wanted a second so for us it was a no brainer.

I love having two - the relationship between them is just lovely!

Another benefit of having two, which I've not heard anyone talk about, is that you realise how different children are and how little influence you actually have on them! With only one child there is a danger that you blame yourself for their shortcomings, and over congratulate yourself for their strengths! For example, my first DC is a lovely child, but not terribly bright, and struggles with school work. I used to torture myself thinking what am I doing wrong? I should be doing more x, y or z, and I was given 'helpful' advice by other well meaning parents. But DC2 is naturally bright, and the difference between them is like night and day! I realised they just are what they are. Obviously I try and support DC1 as much as I can, but that realisation has helped me be kinder both to myself and to him.

You know all the love and joy that your child has brought into your life? You get to DOUBLE it!! Amazing. And then you get to see them live each other too. It’s the best.

Obviously, less fun when the little one breaks the big one’s Lego, or when you want them both to nap at the same time... But still, totally worth it.

It took me a long time to want a baby and I was fortunate to have an amazing DD. After I'd had the first, I understood why people have a second and I reached a point where I actively wanted a second DC. Having another was a great idea. I now have two lovely DDs and they love each other. Like @JaceLancs , my two are a real pair despite being totally different (make a new dish ...)

I have a DSis and we speak frequently on the phone or text. DH has a brother. Whilst they are not close, they have a shared history and work togther regarding their parents.

I think as people age, being an only becomes harder - there is no one to help with elderly relatives - FiL went through this.

My 2 boys are in their twenties now and are best friends.

When ds2 was born, I remember that I sent DH home from the hospital to tell him that he was 'now a big brother.' It changed him from that moment on. He was so proud having a role in the family, looking after and teaching his baby brother stuff. And ds2 just chortled whenever his brother was near. They fought too of course and always knew they could get some space if they needed it - we never forced them together - but it was and is still lovely to see them hanging out together.

Ds2 was a fairly rebellious teen and ds1 was great at talking sense into him then too.

I'm an only child too and am so pleased they have each other.

Not necessary. Siblings aren't guaranteed friends and so many don't get on or bother when adults. Having one child is fine.

It's slightly mad to see the completely different individuals you have brought into the world especially when you know your first so well, then another entirely different child arrives into the mix 😁I always hoped for three so was lucky to get that. Mine have more nuanced relationships with each other than I imagined but overall I value the fact they have each other.
From experience, consider the fact that your second pregnancy/delivery may bring your second & third child! I love having three but it is challenging, both when they are little and when they are teens. On balance, Id say go for it while being cognisant of the changes/challenges. Good luck with your decision.

You get to work on your diplomacy skills over situations such as 'tell him to stop looking at me with his feet'.

But really, it's been lovely watching them grow together. They bicker and fight, but they fall into place with each other with ease.

It's really hard work. With one there is two pairs of hands to help, the child will also have the focus and it is SO much easier. I have two with a 6 year age gap. BUT watching them together just melts me every single day.
I read to my older dc with him on my lap and now he does the same with his baby sister. The shrieks of joy when he gets home from school. I think for us the big age gap worked out really well. There isn't any competition or fighting, my 8yo helps out rather than me having to split time from the baby. He is so protective of her, she simply adores him.

I would say going from 1 to 2 wasn't hard, the oldest dc accepted a sibling very easily and was a wonderful big ds. I have so many memories and videos of them playing together, absolutely glad I had another and it's nice to know they'll have another as they get older, along with dc3. Id say go for it.

There are pros and cons really. When they're little and they play together, it's so sweet! However, they do also fight. There's a lot of jealousy- my youngest seems to feel threatened by the existence of my eldest.
Mine are now 14 and 11 and don't spend a great deal of time together at home. In a way, they live separate lives. However, if we have holidays or days out as a family, they hang out loads. In the summer we had a month abroad and they were together the whole time. I did think that if we only had one they might be bored only having adults to hang out with on holiday.

Today my 3 year old put one sock on himself, then one on his brother and said "look at us, we best friends" and everything he does, he invites his brother to come and play. His brother is his little shadow and I love that they have each other. Sure sometimes they both want the same toy and they cry, but the love between siblings is so sweet.

When having children I had always envisioned at least 2. I knew I wanted them to have a sibling bond which is separate to the bond they have with us individually, as parents and different again to the family group dynamic.

The sibling bond is special , but it doesn't just appear out of the blue. There's a whole load of work, starting from before the sibling is born that goes into reinforcing this relationship.

Energy that other parents feel would be better used to do other things with and for an only child if they made the choice to just have one. That's fine. Every type of family can have their own best outcome.

Families with multiple children do have to consider the impact of decisions on both siblings, even when concerning only one of them, and this is a lifelong commitment, but it's one that is worth it in my opinion.

While there are definitely families where sibling relationships break down and don't have a bond as adults I've yet to meet a sibling who has a close bond, and deliberately choose to have an only child.

The pros outweigh the cons by an absolute mile