I'm 56! So how has my mum still got the power to make me feel this shit!

[Hellostrawberries]

Despite my best efforts over the years I've still got the same pesky 4-5 stone to lose. I'm size 18, that is a fact. My wardrobe is full of clothes that fit me perfectly and pretty much all of them are an 18. Last night I was sitting with my parents, my DH and a couple of my parents friends. They live in retirement accommodation. My mum loves temu and she announced to the whole table that she'd ordered me a coat as she knew I needed one. She got it up on her phone and proudly showed everyone the lovely coat she'd bought me. In a size 24!! AIBU to think yes she is a sweet little 88 year old but she's also fucking passive aggressive and needs to fuck right off! She's got all her marbles and knows dress sizes very well before anyone asks. This was deliberate.

I hear you. I’m 53, my mother is 78 and she’s just the same!

‘Oh dear Mum, you’ve ordered the wrong size…never mind, it’s easy to be forgetful at your age’

Sorry this happened to you. Don’t let her make you feel bad.

Being 88 doesn't make someone sweet. She's likely still the same person she was at 22, and 44. Water off a duck's back, don't take it to heart.

If you want to retaliate you could criticise her choice of retailer. Temu is unethical and an environmental nightmare.

This - totally. You are not grossly overweight (unless you're about 4' high) she is being unreasonable.

I could totally be grasping at straws but sites like Temu/Shein vary wildly from British sizing (anyone over a size 8 in China is considered huge, they almost can't comprehend women as large as us! Same with shoe sizes!) Is it possible she sized up having bought something before in her usual size that came up small? I'm a uk20 and often buy tops from Shein in a 22/24 to make sure I have room to manoeuvre!
Like I said, happy to be told I am way off the mark!

Why on earth has my reply been hidden 🤔

Your Mum has no power to "make" you feel this way. Her actions, behaviour or speech may well result in you feeling a certain way, but she has no power to "make" you feel a certain way. You allow her to dictate how you feel.

Can you see what I'm saying? I'm not being unsympathetic, far from it. I'm just trying to let you know you can change the dynamic of your relationship by not allowing what she says to lead to your sadnesses.
I wouldn't go down the passive aggressive line. In the particular circumstance you post about a simple "thanks, but I'm not a size 24,not even close"

No one ever "makes" you feel a certain way, you have to allow them to do that

Same here, it is their superpower to make you feel shit. The constant passive criticism and comparing me to my oh so perfect SIL never stops.

I just drink my wine and ignore.

Nah, this has nothing to do with the OP's actual size or BMI, this is all about her "D"M trying to make her feel bad. I'm a size 8/10 and my mother buys me stuff in a size 16 fairly regularly and makes passive aggressive comments about how it looks like it should fit 🙄

That’s really not what this post is about. The OP has given no indication that she does not appreciate that’s she is overweight.

Relevant 😂

Thank you! You're right of course, it's hard though

Oops! 😬

I think you are trying to be kind here but unfortunately your reply has prompted lots of people to contradict you, which is unhelpful because the post really shouldn’t be about whether the OP is overweight or not, or how overweight she might be.

I voted you are being unreasonable to swear about your mother like that.

Have some pride in yourself. And sizing in clothes is often way off.

Where does it say she has a bmi of 41????
The op hasn't mentioned her actual weight or her height or her bmi.

Stop with criticism. It's not what the post us about!

I really don't like the practice on Mumsnet of reading through a user's previous posts to try and catch them out - it's a bit stalkerish