I'm 56! So how has my mum still got the power to make me feel this shit!

[Hellostrawberries]

Despite my best efforts over the years I've still got the same pesky 4-5 stone to lose. I'm size 18, that is a fact. My wardrobe is full of clothes that fit me perfectly and pretty much all of them are an 18. Last night I was sitting with my parents, my DH and a couple of my parents friends. They live in retirement accommodation. My mum loves temu and she announced to the whole table that she'd ordered me a coat as she knew I needed one. She got it up on her phone and proudly showed everyone the lovely coat she'd bought me. In a size 24!! AIBU to think yes she is a sweet little 88 year old but she's also fucking passive aggressive and needs to fuck right off! She's got all her marbles and knows dress sizes very well before anyone asks. This was deliberate.

My mother nagged me about my weight all my life. Took pleasure at deliberately buying me clothes that were too small. She died with dementia last year, it was a horrible time and my Dad is 92 & really struggling. He lives over 200 miles from me & i'm an only child, so it's been a tough time. However I have finally got myself in the right headspace over the past couple of years to lose 5 stones. I have a feeling it something I could control. I feel fantastic & am a healthy BMI. BUT - this may make me sound terrible - my mother loved clothes and had wardrobes full. When I was sorting them all out many of them that I liked were too big for me. Still makes me smirk!

I know this wasn’t addressed to me, but it’s what I needed to hear right now. So thank you

I’m glad it’s not just me. It’s always on details that are irrelevant to the question at hand. Someone “caught me out” when I posted about a scenario that I’d also mentioned briefly on another thread. The main details were the same but the timeline was marginally different because I was keeping those details a bit vague. The facts totally matched yet a poster was smugly highlighted a minor discrepancy that wasn’t even a discrepancy, just something I’d left out of my op when I started a thread. It was so weird, over invested and I really couldn’t understand what she gained. People had called me a troll so if anything it actually showed I’d mentioned the situation previously.

Lol I'm an 18 honest 😂. 95% of my wardrobe is size 18, one or two things are a 16, and one or two are 20-22. Those bigger ones did fine as the example in the other thread. I was just shouting from the rooftops about how I'd been dieting my whole life and was still huge. Literally had no idea anyone would be motivated to check my size! But going by the vast majority of my clothes I'm an 18.

@Lovemycat2023 I'm so relieved to read you saying that. I've often thought, when I read that someone feels another has "made" them feel whatever it is that no, they havent, you've got autonomy. Use it.

but in writing it can do easily come over As a lack of sympathy. So it's kind of you to tell me that my words didn't hurt you. Again, thanks.

My mum loves temu

then she will wonder why she gets scammed - might as well leave her bank details on social media for everyone to see

Where on earth did the BMI of 41 come from?
Did someone just make that up?

As for OP's mother, 88 year olds are not "sweet little ladies", some of them are a pain in the arse, some of them are tough as old boots, some of them are extremely kind and generous, some of them are cheeky...
People are people and most people have very similar characters when they are 20 as when they are 88.

I'd have just said "Oh dear, 24 is much to big, I hope you're able to send it back for a refund"

I feel you, OP! I am the same size in clothes (have gone down but back up, too!). I bought a skirt from a charity shop with a generously elastic waistband once, size 18 (I was size 16 then) and mum said, kind of grouchy, “are you sure that’s going to fit you?” It did piss me off.
And the skirt was never worn.

I have a friend who is about to get her state pension as she's 66 - she has a mother who regularly puts her down and makes her feel bad, as she's done all her life. Some people just don't change.

Several points of note here…

Temu is a Chinese fronted scam and probably goods made by enslaved people. So she is not so wholesome there…

Also, your mother, like mine, is from a generation that walked everywhere and lived on rations during the war years so they were far leaner than subsequent generations. Plus women of that age were groomed by 1950s sexist claptrap to see ‘keeping their figure’ as a way to keep husbands happy.

Your feelings of hurt are perfectly valid and you’d be well within your rights to tell her calmly that you do not want Chinese slave-made goods and that she should refrain from low class humiliation tactics in front of other people. Tell her that your weight is none of her business and to please stop commenting on it.

Its very hard to judge another persons size accurately, getting offended over a gift is just silly though.

People think I am far skinnier than I am as I use to be very underweight. I am pear shaped but very broad on the shoulders so gives an hour glass appearance with my stomach area being the skinniest part of me and having tiny A boobs. People regularly gift me size 6/8/10 clothes. I have never been smaller than a 12 due to my broad shoulders and wide hips.

My friend carries her weight the opposite, apple shaped so all in the belly and very ample boobs, even at 4 stone heavier than me she could fit into size 8 jeans when I never could (I use to give her the jeans my mam bought that never fit me) because of her small hips and little bum.

I know I have 'offended' someone before when I guessed they where my size (short in height but thought we where both a size 12, turned out they where 1 size bigger due to bigger boobs than me) and offered them an old top but they assumed I was smaller than I was. Instead of just taking it in the way it was meant (I simply thought they might like the top) they flew off the handle about me being 'skinny' and took it as some passive aggressive comment on their weight which was really grasping at straws.

Oh trust me it goes on until they die ( 93 in my case)

Don’t know why my reply was hidden @mnhq ! I was supporting the op saying her feelings were valid! Or was it the slagging off Temu?

So apparently any posts that mention a certain retail website get closed down immediately. Interesting…

Hi @Screamingabdabz the posts get automatically hidden when certain retail websites get mentioned- we have unhidden your posts now.

Make sure when she gives it you you reciprocate her kind gift with a nice book about living with dementia, and maybe some funeral plan pamphlets.

Why?

😂

Yep. Might have the same mother
Classics
That is flattering, it hides your fat back
I thought I had lines around my mouth because I smoked, but you had have them, so it can't have been that
On looking at a slimmer of the week award "you must be really overweight to have lost that much in a week.

I have told her that if she ever mentions my weight again, I will never talk to her again.

Also 56 and my mother is exactly the same.She has dementia now and told me the other day that she was scared.When I asked her why she said that she would never see me again as I’m too fat to live. I probably am an 18 but still try to squidge myself into 16s.

I think it's really difficult to just decide to stop feeling hurt when your mother makes a hurtful comment. When they've always been critical, their voice becomes their child's inner critic. I call my DM my 'negative inner voice in human form'. You try so hard to argue with your own negative inner voice and then it appears in human form just to make sure you never win. I'm slim so she can't pick on my weight (although she would if I were larger because she's always making comments about other women) but she picks on my personality - I'm a horrible person because I don't tell her what she wants to hear.

I'm 35 and my 77 year old dad makes me feel like crap.