Wedding - what’s right?

[Sunshinemom]

Hey

Backstory, we were invited to a wedding in early Dec earlier this year. Initially thought it a good idea to go but then with the cost of Christmas realised it would be too much.

Groom came round ours to see if we were going and my husband obviously felt put on the spot and said yes.

Our Childcare options are unfortunately not available and the costs associated with the wedding are just getting out of hand, so I said my husband could just go and I’d look after the kids. When he told the groom he mentioned about the cost implications for him and that he would let us know how much we owe him.

I can see both sides but wondering if anyone else has been charged for no longer going to a wedding?

thanks x

Um no, never. We had no shows at our wedding and I didn't even consider it. Some people don't even send out invites until 6 weeks before so they have plenty time to "fill your spot" if they want to.

Umm, no. You'd expect them to invite someone else especially with that much notice.

You've messed up a bit giving them mixed messages...and maybe you should have just had 'flu' on the day....

The groom is a cheeky fecker
you owe him nothing
they have weeks until the wedding

I haven’t been personally but could absolutely see where you would do this. We sent invites out in advance and asked for responses because there was a cut off date where we had to let our venue know final numbers and then make the payment. I can see where if I’d gotten final answers, confirmed with the venue and then paid for the required places I would have been pissed off if then someone said actually I’ve changed my mind.

Never heard of charging, but you have acted badly and I can see why the groom would be pissed off. Why on earth did you not just RSVP properly with plenty of time?

It feels cheeky for the groom to say this but it does feel like you guys have been rather flakey - groom had to come and ask you if you were going or not, you made a snap decision and are now backing out. It’s only a month and a half till the wedding, ish - that’s a bit late to invite others without it being highly obvious it’s a last minute thing.

So groom is maybe highlighting to you that they have committed to some costs that they can’t really recoup now, because of your flakiness..

Yea I understand and I do feel awful. It’s quite far away and so would need to stay over too. Looking at £1000 for one night away. It’s just another added money stress when I’m already stressed.

How is it ever a grand?

yeah - fuck off sunshine

Don't give a present until you know whether they have 'charged' you. What a knob. If I was your husband I would tell him where to stick his wedding.

So it's another destination wedding, that the couple expect people to pay a fortune to attend.

I'd just say "Sorry, I hadn't realised how much it would cost so I'm afraid we can't go. But have a great time"

Christmas arrives at the same time every year, and you must have realised it would over stretch your budget.

I can understand them being fed up.

Is be asking what cost implications the groom was referring to as we hadn't been made aware if these previously and are most upset at the thought that we may inadvertently caused financial issues.

I bet it's something like splitting the bill for a villa in the hotels estate or something. But I don't see how it could cost much.

It was a bit silly for DH to say you'd go if you still weren't certain, but what are the "cost implications" for the groom?

Presumably he hadn't yet booked a place for you if you'd not replied, so unless it's one of these ghastly things where they guarantee to fill the accommodation at the venue I can't quite see where he's coming from

I don't get what costs either. It should be well before having to give final numbers for the catering.

Sounds like you have been sitting on this for ages but didn't bother to tell the groom. Some venues need numbers confirmed by a certain date. Maybe they've paid for you and have wasted money.

Mostly caterers need final numbers two weeks before.
They are being very cheeky to even think of charging you.
Maybe they have had a lot of cancellations and the venue/caterer has a minimum number for the price quoted per head.

You've been invited to a wedding. This was not a financial agreement.
Is this part of the nonsensical "cover your plate" malarkey that I've only come across on here?.
Good grief, how ridiculous. Don't go, and don't give them anything.

In a nutshell 😂

£1000 for one night?

How long ago was the invite?
When did you say you'd go?

It's utterly cheeky of them to be thinking about charging you. Having said that, we made quite a lot for our wedding - place cards, favours the like. We also bought drinks over time.

If they invited you a month or two ago, then cancelling a couple of months later is annoying but fair enough. If they invited you 6-8 months ago, you let them know you were coming 4-5 months ago, and then decided to change your mind 2 months out, that is rude. Like you've let them prepare for you for 2-3 months, but been too lazy to organise yourselves and then let the down, that's rude.

That's ridiculous - pay for what exactly?! Tell him to jog on

Groom is in the wrong totally but your husband needs to learn to speak.

They have plenty of time to invite someone else to fill the space.

If it's costing you £1,000 what charges are the bride & groom covering? Obviously they'll be stumping up (I assume) for the wedding meal and possibly drinks but caterers don't usually ask for numbers until 4 weeks in advance - sometimes less. I presume they aren't paying for accommodation if you are expecting to spend £1,000. So in essence what would you be spending £1,000 on and what costs have the bride & groom agreed to cover?