Psychiatrist asked me to leave the room for 10 Minutes to talk to Dd

[Nomoreicecreamnow]

Dd is 6 and over the summer developed anger and ocd after being ill. I’ve taken her to numerous Drs and they advised a child psychiatrist. I took her to a really nice lady and we had a very thorough two hour appointment. Towards the end, she asked if I minded stepping into the waiting room for her to chat to her alone, I felt a bit strange about it, but did it.
I’m just curious if this is normal procedure and what she would have asked Dd, I haven’t asked Dd as don’t want her stressed out
Dr and Dd seemed fine when I came back in and carried on as usual.

Of course it's normal, I would be comfortable with female or male doctor

You mentioned the issues started after your child had been ill. Did the illness require antibiotics? If so please introduce prebiotics and ways to increase good bacteria in her gut as the antibiotic use could be partly responsible for her behaviour change.

@Nomoreicecreamnow my dd has recently started seeing a psychotherapist (she is 11 though) and for exactly the same reasons as your dd. Her first session I stayed with her the full hour but at the end of the session I was asked if she could attend all remaining sessions by herself. I was ok with this as I think she’ll get more out of my dd if I’m not there but yes, from a safeguarding perspective I think that would be the reason she asked to speak to her by herself for ten minutes.

Not a chance I'd consent to that. I wouldn't trust any stranger alone with my child, regardless of their profession. We've seen enough awful people working in healthcare on the news in the last couple of years to make me even more sure of that decision.

so glad pp have mentioned Pans/pandas as this illness frankly ruined 2yrs of my dd life whilst the NHS ( who I do love and appreciate) insisted it was a purely MH issue rather than listening properly to our concerns and requests for consideration re Pans/pandas. After numerous crisis incidents, frequent inpatient stays, antidepressants and propranolol prescribed to an 8yr old and extensive SS intervention from CWD team we took out a credit card and paid privately for a second opinion.

She was diagnosed promptly and started treatment. It was a long road back to full health but we saw immediate benefits in treatment. I’m not sure I’ll ever fully recover from it frankly it was traumatising for her and us alike so I’m glad you’re getting support and consideration early on :)

I would see it as a red flag if a parent didn’t want to leave a child alone in this situation. If you are worried about it, then maybe ask for 2 people to be in the room while you go outside.

Lets not ignore the fact that the majority of perpetrators are male.

It’s fine. My DD (16) has been unwell for a few years, they are doing a referral but asked if she can come alone. I felt a bit annoyed at this, wondering what they were suggesting but realised it’s pretty normal. At 6 it seems young, but some children are abused and obviously kids won’t speak out in front of parents.

This was my experience with my son and his counsellor when he was 9. He made so much progress once I left. He needed that safe relationship away from me and to have someone to talk to. I guess in the first few sessions I built a relationship too.

No, not necessarily in such situations

Speechless

9/10 times when the parent refused to leave, they were a significant part of the problem that had brought the child to psychology, or they were afraid the child would disclose something they didn't want us to know. Just saying.

Children are more likely to be harmed by people they already know and trust than strangers.

A psychiatrist is a doctor.

I saw a psychiatrist (alone) when I was a teenager. Almost the moment the sessions started he asked if I had been sexually abused by anyone in my family. (I havent) I found it really upsetting - but also quite weird that there weren't "easier" questions to start, to build up to that IYSWIM

Surely the psychiatrist themselves should have wanted a chaperone too, to cover their own backs. I always thought that’s why the GP gets a chaperone in whenever they do.

I would probably have felt awkward and then realised I should have asked for a chaperone after the fact. I hope I would ask at the time, but probably would be too flustered.

Yeah, they really shouldn't be approaching it like that! Not all psychiatrists are good at relationship building 😬

My daughter started seeing her therapist at CAMHS when she was 11 (just mentioning CAMHS because this is my only experience of child-focused therapy). She wasn't alone with the therapist until she was ready to be (a year in!).

Did the therapist ask your DD if she was comfortable with you leaving the room?
It takes time for a child to establish trust in an adult, more than two hours, regardless of the lanyards and letters after that adult's name.
That's my biggest issue. Everyone rushes children to trust the 'professional'. Adults are intimidating and not easy to talk to.
I think the psychiatrist jumped the gun and should have seen your DD alongside you until your DD told you, her mother, that she is ready to do her sessions alone.

This is not mad. This is a person who wouldn't speak to unfamiliar people at all a couple of years ago, and is making a fantastic recovery on her own terms. She doesn't want to speak to the psychiatrist on her own, so she doesn't.

Just because he wants to speak to her alone, doesn't mean he has a right to. It's her decision.

I would expect another female professional in the room as well as the therapist no ? I think it's a good thing though I know she is only 6 but kids aren't stupid there might be things she will open up about with you not there maybe something that she would think would hurt your feeling la for instance I would see it as a good thing to let her speak openly

Much as others may disagree with Lougle, this is correct protocol. The therapist can ask and can try to see the patient alone. But it really is up to the patient, whether they're 6 or 17.
And I say this as a parent who really wanted to be out of the room. I felt like a bit of a space hog and I would start yapping too much to fill my daughter's silence. She was mute for over a year and would only sit and draw (she was 11 at the time). At 14, she still sees her therapist, never draws anymore during therapy, but has deep, meaningful conversations with her therapist. She has developed a strong and healthy sense of self. She needed to be allowed to develop trust.
She needed time.
People don't want to give each other time and time is one of the greatest allowances you can give to another.
Remember that most children see therapists because something in their every day life has shaken the very core of their trust in others and life around them. Trust is fragile and needs to be handled with great care.

Of course its normal they also do this with couples to. And rightly so. They need to check the person taking them isn't the problem and stopping the patient opening up and being honest. Even at 6 your child has a right to some privacy. And yes I'd still leave the the room if the psychiatrist was male.

To be clear, I don't refuse to leave (online appointments on Teams). My daughter refuses to let me leave.

Why should I disrespect that? Is it better that she doesn't talk at all, and refuses to attend the appointments?

We talk about consent and autonomy, but conveniently decide to override that if adults think that a child is making a bad decision. She's 17. She knows if she's able to cope or not.

She's gone from spending most of the day in bed to attending school nearly all day every day, after 2 years of therapy, psychiatry, and medication. I think the fact that she wants me to sit beside her (silently) as she speaks to the psychiatrist is a minor issue.

Most likely she was asked about sexual or domestic abuse but in a way that was age appropriate. The questions could have been about you, but more likely about your adult friends/family or your partner who may have started abuse with the threat of, if you tell mummy, then I will hurt her. Unfortunately it happens and so it is a standard question for if a child suddenly goes withdrawn, or has signs of anger where previously there was none. Given that you said that you wouldn't have been happy if you left your daughter with a male, I think you may have been subtle signs you were giving off.

I agree with PP that it is normal practice but I would have expected the therapist to inform me in advance.

DD is a teen and when she started therapy, both therapists she saw/sees, made it clear from the first appointment that DD will see them on her own. The first one we had a 10 minutes handover, now we do a joined session every quarter unless something is urgent.

It's her time to speak freely, to discuss things she is not comfortable to say in front of a parent. in 9 out of 10 times DD will say something to us afterwards when she had a chance to discuss it.

I would have assumed that this was normal practice.

Most of the issues are created at home and a victim is not going to speak freely if their abuser is sat right next to them.

It wouldn’t bother me if it was a man or woman.

Does your DD not go to school?
Are there not men there?