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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have just left work?

50 replies

Emila · 17/10/2024 15:47

I work in a primary school as a TA. Without going into too much detail, a very sensitive issue within my family means I can no longer work on Wednesdays as I need to be elsewhere. Mental health related. I've spent all my free time this week dealing with it and going forward we have decided as a family that wednesday is the best day for me to go and care for this family member every week. Social services are involved now for a more permanent solution.

On Wednesdays, I'm scheduled to work for 2 hours in the afternoon.
I spoke to the head about the situation and they said that I can stop working on Wednesdays from next week onwards because they can get cover, but they can't get cover for this week so I'd need to come in. He made it clear that I would be fine not to come in as long as there was cover.
Fair enough.

I showed up to work yesterday to find my class covered by somebody else already and members of staff were shocked to see me as they thought I wouldn't be in. Another class was out on a school trip so they had a few extra pairs of hands on site to cover. I didn't know this and thought great, 'everything's covered, maybe the head had forgotten to communicate this with me.' He's widely disliked across the school and known for being unorganised. I've never had that much of a problem with him though.
I went to leave and the headteacher saw me and called me over. I explained that I came in because I didn't realise my class had been covered so I was going to help my family member as discussed.

He refused to let me leave. Instead, he made me go to every single classroom and ask them if they needed extra help. All the staff, knowing my situation and how I needed today off, said no. They all looked at me and went along the lines of 'why are you here, go!' All positions on the rota were covered, including mine.

I went back to the head to re-explain the situation to hopefully make him understand more why I needed to go. He still refused and actually said some really hurtful things that diminished my situation. He said I had to stay and find something to do.

I was on the verge of tears and just left. He said I'd be getting a disciplinary for unauthorised absence. I then went to help my family member.

Was I wrong? He told me I could go if everything was covered. I showed up because he hadn't communicated the cover. When I showed up he wouldn't let me leave, despite me not having a job to do.

OP posts:
Pandasnacks · 17/10/2024 15:48

Are you part of a union OP? I'd speak to them if so.

BobbyBiscuits · 17/10/2024 15:54

I don't understand his reasoning for trying to force you to stay. There was no work for you! The others confirmed this. Does he want you to organise the stationary cupboard? Hardly urgent is it?
I think it's weird what he did and unless he actually gave you a meaningful time sensitive task to complete, you were clearly not required.

Speak to the union rep. Has head got a PA/business manager who's more on your side? Could you speak to them?

Original poster
Emila · 17/10/2024 15:55

I've actually emailed the governors of the school already. Apparently they're not happy with him as it is and there's lots of complaints about him from staff

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 17/10/2024 15:57

Sounds like he was on a power trip and no one else was playing his game.
I don't blame you for walking out.

Original poster
Emila · 17/10/2024 15:59

BobbyBiscuits · 17/10/2024 15:54

I don't understand his reasoning for trying to force you to stay. There was no work for you! The others confirmed this. Does he want you to organise the stationary cupboard? Hardly urgent is it?
I think it's weird what he did and unless he actually gave you a meaningful time sensitive task to complete, you were clearly not required.

Speak to the union rep. Has head got a PA/business manager who's more on your side? Could you speak to them?

Obviously there's always work to do and children to read with etc but they wouldn't have been left short without me. If anything, they had an extra member of staff floating around anyway because one class was on a trip. Apparently he wasn't aware that cover had been organised for me. I'm confused about this though because I didn't tell anyone else in the school that I needed cover Wednesdays...

OP posts:
QueenBakingBee · 17/10/2024 16:14

OP I'd recommend (if you haven't already) is to write a detailed timeline of what has happened up to this point so you are able to share this with those who need it. Date, time, location, what was said by who - as close to what happened as possible.

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 17/10/2024 16:19

Honestly you probably made it worse by pandering to that. Why do people feel they have to do what their employer says, no matter how unreasonable? You should just have left. What was he going to do, fire you?

Duckmamahere · 17/10/2024 16:22

Emila · 17/10/2024 15:55

I've actually emailed the governors of the school already. Apparently they're not happy with him as it is and there's lots of complaints about him from staff

You already know you’re not wrong OP. The governors are also on your side.

I would try and stop thinking about it or worrying, you don’t need this on top of everything else going on

lifeisforlaying · 17/10/2024 17:12

It sounds very much like he was trying to assert his 'authority'. What a sad little twat he is! You weren't wrong, and he should have been more understanding. If he starts a disciplinary I'm sure it wouldn't get far, as others have said, if you're part of a union then raise it with them. If you're not, then get some advice from ACAS. Good luck x

BabyCloud · 17/10/2024 17:15

You are contracted to be there though im
assuming. I don’t think it’s right it up and leave when children are involved even if other teachers said it was OK.

Original poster
Emila · 19/10/2024 13:44

Update: turns out he was the one who organised the cover for me! He acted dumb when I said there was an email saying I'd been covered. When I went in yesterday, I spoke to the teacher who'd told me I was covered and she showed me the email. It said 'Xxx is no longer doing Wednesday afternoons and XXX is covering tomorrow and next week.'
He tried to claim that staff had organised cover without him knowing.
I've forwarded the email to the governors.
This has also spurred on other members of staff to raise their complaints.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 19/10/2024 14:02

You haven't answered whether you're in a union. You need to contact them if you are.

jasminocereusbritannicus · 22/10/2024 06:47

Emila · 19/10/2024 13:44

Update: turns out he was the one who organised the cover for me! He acted dumb when I said there was an email saying I'd been covered. When I went in yesterday, I spoke to the teacher who'd told me I was covered and she showed me the email. It said 'Xxx is no longer doing Wednesday afternoons and XXX is covering tomorrow and next week.'
He tried to claim that staff had organised cover without him knowing.
I've forwarded the email to the governors.
This has also spurred on other members of staff to raise their complaints.

I caught my Head out on a lie this week… well known for it and driving other staff insane with the pettiness. I really hope something positive comes out of this for you.

AlertCat · 22/10/2024 07:01

Update: turns out he was the one who organised the cover for me! He acted dumb when I said there was an email saying I'd been covered. When I went in yesterday, I spoke to the teacher who'd told me I was covered and she showed me the email. It said 'Xxx is no longer doing Wednesday afternoons and XXX is covering tomorrow and next week.'
He tried to claim that staff had organised cover without him knowing.

this is very odd behaviour. Is he quite well?

Fraaahnces · 22/10/2024 07:16

So pleased everyone has your back @Emila

MadameWombat · 22/10/2024 07:16

That sounds very unprofessional and you were right to leave in your circumstances. Definitely contact a union. I am surprised a primary headteacher is so unorganised with cover that they had surplace staff in. In my school they would be found a task very quickly either giving extra planning time to phase/subject leaders or sorting lost property!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 22/10/2024 07:58

Emila · 19/10/2024 13:44

Update: turns out he was the one who organised the cover for me! He acted dumb when I said there was an email saying I'd been covered. When I went in yesterday, I spoke to the teacher who'd told me I was covered and she showed me the email. It said 'Xxx is no longer doing Wednesday afternoons and XXX is covering tomorrow and next week.'
He tried to claim that staff had organised cover without him knowing.
I've forwarded the email to the governors.
This has also spurred on other members of staff to raise their complaints.

Please don’t send to the governing body as a whole. You need to go straight to the Chair of the complaint is about the head

Ottersmith · 22/10/2024 07:58

What percentage of primary teachers are men? Why are men always in Headteacher roles? Fucking annoying.

Contrastinggrassstates · 22/10/2024 08:00

Yet another privileged power hungry man promoted above his skill level. Well done for talking to the Governors.

Viviennemary · 22/10/2024 08:00

There seems to be a lack of communication here. If you are contracted to work Wednesdays you can't suddenly decide you can't work Wednesdays even if you have a good reason. However, it does sound like thd Head has made a mess of organising the cover. I agree contact your union.

SweetSakura · 22/10/2024 08:01

Go and see your DR. They would give you a sick note (and rightly so) for this level of stress.

Pancakeorcrepe · 22/10/2024 08:12

He sounds like an absolute arsehole!
The good news is that people are on to him, so everyone is on your side. Try to let the annoyance of the events go past you, and focus on your home situation which sounds quite tough at the minute, in the knowledge that you did nothing wrong.

Acornsoup · 22/10/2024 08:17

Put in a complaint OP. Write in everything you have here. I don't think you can be fired for gross misconduct when you have been bullied.

AgileGreenSeal · 22/10/2024 08:18

SweetSakura · 22/10/2024 08:01

Go and see your DR. They would give you a sick note (and rightly so) for this level of stress.

This, OP.

Take some time off with stress while the governors et al sort this car crash head out.