To have just left work?

[Emila]

I work in a primary school as a TA. Without going into too much detail, a very sensitive issue within my family means I can no longer work on Wednesdays as I need to be elsewhere. Mental health related. I've spent all my free time this week dealing with it and going forward we have decided as a family that wednesday is the best day for me to go and care for this family member every week. Social services are involved now for a more permanent solution.

On Wednesdays, I'm scheduled to work for 2 hours in the afternoon.
I spoke to the head about the situation and they said that I can stop working on Wednesdays from next week onwards because they can get cover, but they can't get cover for this week so I'd need to come in. He made it clear that I would be fine not to come in as long as there was cover.
Fair enough.

I showed up to work yesterday to find my class covered by somebody else already and members of staff were shocked to see me as they thought I wouldn't be in. Another class was out on a school trip so they had a few extra pairs of hands on site to cover. I didn't know this and thought great, 'everything's covered, maybe the head had forgotten to communicate this with me.' He's widely disliked across the school and known for being unorganised. I've never had that much of a problem with him though.
I went to leave and the headteacher saw me and called me over. I explained that I came in because I didn't realise my class had been covered so I was going to help my family member as discussed.

He refused to let me leave. Instead, he made me go to every single classroom and ask them if they needed extra help. All the staff, knowing my situation and how I needed today off, said no. They all looked at me and went along the lines of 'why are you here, go!' All positions on the rota were covered, including mine.

I went back to the head to re-explain the situation to hopefully make him understand more why I needed to go. He still refused and actually said some really hurtful things that diminished my situation. He said I had to stay and find something to do.

I was on the verge of tears and just left. He said I'd be getting a disciplinary for unauthorised absence. I then went to help my family member.

Was I wrong? He told me I could go if everything was covered. I showed up because he hadn't communicated the cover. When I showed up he wouldn't let me leave, despite me not having a job to do.

Yeah sounds like miscommunication and unorganised. But why would you just automatically go over his head instead of working it out between you? Think of your working relationship going forward when he knows you have done this. You were emotional and jumped the gun. It’s all worked out now so why are you trying to throw him under the bus. And, how people feel about him is irrelevant. If he was hated but done everything right would it have mattered? If he was loved but screwed up would it have mattered?

If there is a wider problem, this isn’t going to get him fired (as he did make provisions for you, agree for you to be covered and covered you on Wednesdays). Frankly, I think it’s pretty reasonable he just covered your Wednesdays no problem. Things in a school move quickly and maybe he forgot.

I sincerely hope that if you ever make a mistake in work that the head and teachers don’t write to the board of governors about you.

I sincerely hope that if you ever make a mistake in work that the head and teachers don’t write to the board of governors about you

The HT gets paid not to fuck up.

I was lucky enough to work with some amazing Heads, but also with a couple of arses like this, who assume that the 'little women' are stupid and who enjoy playing power games. He needs a shot across the bows.

Good luck with your family member

Is he forgetful? That’s super strange.

The way he behaved in the day was as if he was on a power trip, but then you wouldn’t have expected him to put the cover in place. It’s like he has a split personality.

Someone trying to flex their authority. You say other people have complained, in my experience failing heads become nasty about certain things to try and make a point.

I'm confused as to why you just started to leave rather than going to see him and say, 'I've just been to my classroom and it looks like I'm covered, am I still needed today?'

I think he is being a power-trippy awkward arse, but I can see that coming from the fact that you were just about to leave for the day without express permission.

Unfortunately this has now escalated very quickly when it really didn't need to. And that's from both sides.

A bit hasty! I hope he doesn't recind his verbal.agreement to let you be off on Wednesdays.
I would have stayed abd counted my blessings he'd agreed to.me being off in future.

You and other discontented staff need to contact your union and raise grievances. That is the correct way to involve governors. Any governing board who knows their stuff will not respond to random emails and letters, there is a process to be followed.

My credentials to advise - I'm a school governance expert and have dealt with many staff grievances, disciplinaries and similar. Also an ex chair of governors and National Leader of Governance.

If he initiates disciplinary action his nonsense will come to light.

Write absolutely everything down. Every conversation close to word by word. Save every email. Everything. Write it all down. Have a timeline of events you can present at a moments notice.

As an ex chair, I can assure you that the letter would be logged. The response would be to direct you to the proper procedure, but it would not go unnoticed.

@Emila
At the start of your OP he came across as reasonably and accommodating. But by the end he sounded unhinged. I can't reconcile the two personalities

@Emila you may want to know that Mumsnet have shared this thread on their Facebook page, so you may want to consider whether your post is quite identifying (I have no idea whether you changed a sensible number of details before posting)

Please tell me you're in a union?

(sorry for copying the OP)

Well, he’s chopped his nose off to spite his face hasn’t he 😂

Why are some people (a lot of the time men) so stubborn? He couldn’t admit he made a mistake so he dug his heels in. And now he’s got a shit storm of complaints coming his way.

On the flip side, why do people think they shouldn't fulfil their contract because it doesn't suit them?

OP was always supposed to be at work on Wednesdays and definitely this one specifically, according to the hasty arrangement. I'd say switching from next week onwards was really accommodating - it could have been from next term or academic year in a school to formally request flexible working and implement according to the timetable.

Since the expectation was to work one more Wednesday, and there wasn't a sudden unforeseen emergency to leave for, I actually don't think walking out is reasonable.

Get yourself into a union asap.

From very bitter experience, I’d urge you to proceed very cautiously and without chatting to others too much about it.

If It suits the powers that be, they will pull ranks around this headteacher. You’ll also be disappointed to discover all the people egging you on in the staff room will go very quiet if push comes to shove.

You’re not wrong to feel aggrieved, but schools are not democracies and there’s every chance you will be used as a pawn.

Dreadful. There are so many toxic schools out there. I hope you can get union support. Do you have it in writing that he agreed to this?

I agree with this.

you say the head has agreed to allow you to drop your Wednesdays without too much drama.

He said you had to come on Wednesday gone?

why would you then expect to go home?

while I agree it all seems a bit chaotic on the Wednesday, I think you were in the wrong to walk out and I expect you will be disciplined for that. You have a employment contract, that works both ways. You have breached your contract.

Have you had a response from the governors, OP?

You'll all be pleased to hear that he's 'taking some time off.' Staff are very happy.
We've had people come in to interview members of staff about him as apparently mine was one of 11 complaints.
Our deputy head has stepped up in the meantime and the energy and warmth she brings to the school is a refreshing change.
Fingers crossed she will be offered the role of headteacher.

I still don't get how you can do 2 hours less per week. Have you swapped your days?

Most people would still see their manager / boss before walking out.