For not responding to save the dates

[NotASoccerMum]

I'm starting to realise this is becoming a bit of a thing and now starting to think perhaps I am in the wrong.

My kids get invites to parties all the time, as kids do. Sometimes parents first send out a save the date, but later follow up with an invite.

In my mind, I'm not expected to confirm attendance to a save the date - especially when I don't have details re time/location. Perhaps I'll acknowledge it but not do more.

But a couple of times recently, I've had people send me some passive aggressive messages about not having confirmed attendance.

Most recently, the comments came because someone followed up a save the date to ask if we would be attending a party. So had replied to say "I don't have an invite so please send me the details". So they then sent the invite and implied I didn't get it before because I only added an emoji to the save the date that was sent some months back - I didn't actually respond.

I hate messaging as it is, I'm really introverted and fully prepared to accept I'm wrong here. I just never understood a dave the date to be the same as an invite.
(I'm in the UK, for context - in case that makes a difference )

True. Whole day with no context does seem pretty unusual.

4/5 months in advance for a children’s birthday party?! Dear me. I let close relatives know as soon as we’ve booked a venue but for school parents I thought six weeks ish was plenty?!

Then people just need to send the invitation.

A save the date wouldn't be useful in that scenario anyway. They are for major events happening months into the future.
Not a local insignificant event in a month's time.

I have a child with a summer birthday too - I contact her 3 closest friends 3 weeks beforehand and plan it for a date they can make. Then invite everyone else. I don't send a save the date out in march and expect them all to plan their summer holidays around it!

I don't see a problem with it especially if you're at a selective prep where practically the whole bloody class is born before December. People spend a lot of money booking a venue and an entertainer and are just trying to let you know the date. I would and have responded to a save the date with 'x would love to come but will have some tricky logistics that day. Please let me know the details soon as you have them and I can confirm.'

Me & DH got a Save the Date for a friend's Wedding. Booked the day off work. We only got invited to the Night Do. What's the point of them? Just send an invitation out instead.

This was never a thing when my children were at primary ,but people were not so unreliable and flaky back in the day! Also people always RSVPd within a day or two and always turned up on the day …we never had last minute excuses drop outs unless completely genuine.

In my mind, I'm not expected to confirm attendance to a save the date - especially when I don't have details re time/location

No, I wouldn't confirm attendance to this. I'd confirm if I knew I couldn't do it, but timings and location are key details - kids' parties can be anything from 10am start to 6/7pm finish, or later if they're older! I'm not blocking a whole day out while I await details unless it's a really good friend.

This is partly because DH has a disability which means he can't drive. So depending on time and location and therefore the public transport, some things are just not possible for him to take DC to, so if I'm already busy or have to take my other DC somewhere, we really can't go. If we were both able to drive and were a two car household, it might be easier to say that whenever and wherever it is, one of us will be free to jump in the car.

at least you didn’t need to take annual leave!

a heart emoji is a bit of an odd and ambiguous response to a save the date whatsapp message

Yeah you’re wrong - they are asking if you’re available and you are ignoring it.

Tbh I wouldn't know if we are available until I know the time and where/what it is. I turned down invites to swimming parties at 4/5 yrs of age for example, if it had been a playcentre we would have gone

Save the date is literally just a heads up that an event is happening on that day so you know about it and can "save the date". If it doesn't have an RSVP, then you don't need to. An invitation on the other hand, will usually have an RSVP, and then you should.

That makes sense for a big occasion like a wedding that you know typically starts early afternoon and goes until night.

but for a child’s birthday party I’m not writing off a whole day for a 2-3 hour event. Childrens birthday parties could reasonably be expected to be any time 10-12, 11-2, 1-4, 2-5 etc etc..

I agree with you that save the dates don’t imply requiring a response, however, Seeing as save the dates now seem to be a thing in your circle 🙄🫠 I’d just be ready with a standard reply ‘looking forward to hearing the details 🙂” is friendly, shows enthusiasm, but you’re not committing yourself to anything until you know what you’re signing up for.

Most party venues have a minimum number threshold. No one is going to book a party and pay a deposit without knowing if enough kids will actually turn up. Hence the save the date; they need to get an indication of how many kids can (and want to) come, before they actually book.

For kids party the save the date is the initial invitation, the do you want to come?

Then the invitation is the details of location etc.

The location and event is often influenced by how many can make it in the first place. So for kids parties then definitely reply if your child wants to go

To me a Save the Date is an invitation but before all the details of time and venue have been sorted out.
I’d just reply that it’s in the diary.
Then once the details are confirmed, I’d say that we’ll be there, or that the time/location make it impossible to attend, sorry.

It’s not more complicated than that!