About who should get up with the kids

56 replies

rainingitspouring2 · 17/10/2024 06:04

I have 2 small children under 4. My DH works shifts. I get up for all the night wakes, breastfeed and get up everyday at 5am when my youngest wakes up , do breakfast, the nursery run or watch them both all day do bedtime all on my own etc

When DH is off for a chunk of time I ask if he can get up with LO at 5am sometimes especially if I am working that day. He doesn't like doing this at all - says I WFH and his job is not comparable to mine so if he has any disrupted sleep he should still get a lie in as my job is 'easy'. However I am still disturbed as my youngest always comes in the bed on my side and leaves him alone and I still would like to have some rest so when I log in at 9am for work I dont feel like I've lived 100 lives before facing the tasks at hand. I'm also not asking for it often just now and then.

Should mothers just accept this is part of the load of motherhood?

AIBU?

OP posts:

nutbrownhare15 · 17/10/2024 10:47

Ask him why your sleep and wellbeing are less important than his

thepariscrimefiles · 17/10/2024 10:51

araiwa · 17/10/2024 06:13

They're your kids so yes you should take care of them

So they aren't her husband's kids? Do you think that fathers shouldn't take care of their kids at all even if the mum also works, like OP does?

Icanttakethisanymore · 17/10/2024 19:06

ComtesseDeSpair · 17/10/2024 06:15

Who wanted the children most? That’s the person who does the shit bits. This is why I’m currently up in the cold and dark feeding ducks and horses and cleaning up their poop.

Congratulations! This is the second most stupid response on this thread.

first place is “They're your kids so yes you should take care of them”

Comtesse · 18/10/2024 11:56

It is bullshit of him to threaten divorce on the back of this blowup. Again his needs are more important and OP better back down or else. Hmm don’t like that at all.

Coalsy · 18/10/2024 11:59

He sounds really awful and abusive.
He punishes you with anger when you ask for him to parent his own children.
He is a shit husband and father.

Love51 · 18/10/2024 12:15

rainingitspouring2 · 17/10/2024 10:33

He isn't terrible he is very kind to the kids and hands on when we do a family activity and also kind to me does dinners when home etc but I do feel like sometimes he doesn't give me much credit and I get the impression he feels like I'm not doing enough because I get tired and overstimulated or when he does help out, it's hard. A lot of his friends don't do much and he thinks he does too much. Because I get this feeling I don't initiate sex and don't accept advances sometimes either as I don't feel appreciated or desired generally. Tbh he doesn't advance on me very often anyway. I'm frustrated but secure and the children are happy and healthy and I would hate to take that from them.

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Mine was of the opinion that he was doing well because he was doing more than either of our dads / dads of kids we knew. I said that seeing as I didn't marry any of those people it wasn't relevant. I married him and he was not doing anywhere near as much as me. He pulled his finger out and we became a proper team.
Don't throw yourself quickly into a divorce. Just work towards positive change for a few months as situations can improve. Givd yourself a deadline - if you don't see significant improvement by the end of Jan, for example. If he's a bit borderline by then you can always reassess after another 6 weeks.

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