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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So sad for this teen

49 replies

Hopelessinhomecounties · 16/10/2024 08:23

I don’t know the details of the situation but this is what I know. It’s very sad and it’s made me reflect on the luck you’re born with…
There’s a 14yo girl at school with my DD.
She is very vulnerable with an extremely difficult home life. Her mother is an alcoholic, her mother’s boyfriend is ‘not nice’. She is of no fixed abode/transient lifestyle.
The school is in an affluent commuter town just outside London, high achieving, oversubscribed.
The girl has no real friends at school as they are so different, my DD said she’s nice. Last school year she (13yo) got videoed during a sex act, with a boy. The cousin videoed it. It spread through all the kids in the town on social media.
This year, (year 10) she hasn’t come back to school. She’s pregnant. she is going to be ‘homeschooled’. She told my DD this even though my DD isn’t her friend- they just know each other through being in the odd class. DD’s just nice to her. The girl has absolutely no one on her side.
It tears my heart. That is it. Not sure there is anything I can do apart from keep speaking to my daughter and if the girl contacts her again on SM keep an eye on it and make SS aware if anything ‘off’? It hurts that things like this happen in our country and some children have nothing and no one…. 🥲

OP posts:
baketray · 16/10/2024 08:35

Surely OP
Surely you know that you need to go to the school about this

baketray · 16/10/2024 08:35

What’s “feeling sad” and starting a mumsnet thread going to do about it?

Contact the school with this information for goodness sakes

Original poster
Hopelessinhomecounties · 16/10/2024 08:37

I have told the school what I know. She’s not on the books anymore as of this year.

OP posts:
baketray · 16/10/2024 08:40

Hopelessinhomecounties · 16/10/2024 08:37

I have told the school what I know. She’s not on the books anymore as of this year.

odd not to have mentioned that

and what does “not on the books” mean?

You said she’s “at school with my DD”

MassiveOvaryaction · 16/10/2024 08:40

Have you reported any of what you 'know' to the LADO? (Google for LADO plus your area and it will tell you what to do). Did you go to the police when you found out about the video?

baketray · 16/10/2024 08:41

I think you should go to SS now
Rather than just feel sad about it

baketray · 16/10/2024 08:41

MassiveOvaryaction · 16/10/2024 08:40

Have you reported any of what you 'know' to the LADO? (Google for LADO plus your area and it will tell you what to do). Did you go to the police when you found out about the video?

clearly not
but i suspect the op will say yes

DCIGeneHunt · 16/10/2024 08:44

baketray · 16/10/2024 08:40

odd not to have mentioned that

and what does “not on the books” mean?

You said she’s “at school with my DD”

Show quote history

OP stated she’s not returned this year, that she’s apparently to be homeschooled.

Original poster
Hopelessinhomecounties · 16/10/2024 08:48

baketray · 16/10/2024 08:40

odd not to have mentioned that

and what does “not on the books” mean?

You said she’s “at school with my DD”

Show quote history

i also said ‘she’s left the school’ to be ‘homeschooled’

OP posts:
MartinCrieffsLemon · 16/10/2024 08:51

What did the school do about the video? I'm assuming got the police in or at least sat the kids down themselves to read the riot act about the fact they were sharing child porn...

And you'll report to SS IF anything is off? Because it's not already apparently?

InformerYaNoSayDaddyMeSnowMeIGoBlameALickyBoom · 16/10/2024 08:53

You didn't report the video to police, SS, or the school and you are just watching to see if anything is 'off' on social media with this pregnant 14yo with an alcoholic mother who is now being home schooled?

Honestly?

PennyFarthingRider · 16/10/2024 08:57

OP, what is the possible point in wringing your hands online about this? Do something or don't. You acknowledge that you know few details (though it seems hard to reconcile this child being, as you say, 'of no fixed abode' while attending an oversubscribed school in an affluent area surely she has to have lived in the catchment when applying?) it's perfectly possible she hasn't been officially deregistered if her family is really so chaotic, in which case, she's still the school's issue. Contact their safeguarding lead?

baketray · 16/10/2024 08:58

ok Op

Just carry on “feeling sad”

VeryCheesyChips · 16/10/2024 09:16

You clearly need to speak to Social Services. They may well already be in the loop but for 10 minutes of your time you can’t just hope that.
Does your daughter have her on social media etc? I’d be encouraging my daughter to reach out to her. She must feel so incredibly lonely.

ThatshallotBaby · 16/10/2024 09:19

@Hopelessinhomecounties
It’s a sad and difficult situation, I understand why it has upset you. If you can I would contact social services, or even the safeguarding lead at the school. Life truly is a lottery, sometimes that is really brought home.

Suddenfeelingofsadness · 16/10/2024 09:22

I think OP is getting a hard time. Many people don't know what to do about situations like this. Many don't think they can do anything. OP is not unusual

Lincoln24 · 16/10/2024 09:22

MassiveOvaryaction · 16/10/2024 08:40

Have you reported any of what you 'know' to the LADO? (Google for LADO plus your area and it will tell you what to do). Did you go to the police when you found out about the video?

It's not a LADO matter, their role is specifically for safeguarding concerns raised against professionals working with children.
They will of course pass on concerns to SS but the op should be reporting to SS directly, not LADO.

PennyFarthingRider · 16/10/2024 09:28

Suddenfeelingofsadness · 16/10/2024 09:22

I think OP is getting a hard time. Many people don't know what to do about situations like this. Many don't think they can do anything. OP is not unusual

She's unusual in coming on the internet to wring her hands publicly. What possible good is that going to do?

ChimneyPot · 16/10/2024 09:33

So the teenagers in the school/town created and distributed child pornography.
What did the police do? Were they arrested? Are the on the sec offenders register? Were they expelled?

MartinCrieffsLemon · 16/10/2024 10:09

Suddenfeelingofsadness · 16/10/2024 09:22

I think OP is getting a hard time. Many people don't know what to do about situations like this. Many don't think they can do anything. OP is not unusual

But she has acknowledged she would contact SS IF there was anything off... as if there wasn't something "off" already

DoTheDinosaurStomp · 16/10/2024 10:29

Why is everyone giving the OP a hard time and assuming that the school don't already know about this?

ByTealShaker · 16/10/2024 10:33

You didn’t know this sort of thing happens all time? Unfortunately those with a lack of parents or parent figures and a secure loving home life are far, far more likely to end up in care, homeless or specially for young females, young mothers left with zero support. It’s a cycle.

comedycentral · 16/10/2024 10:33

MassiveOvaryaction · 16/10/2024 08:40

Have you reported any of what you 'know' to the LADO? (Google for LADO plus your area and it will tell you what to do). Did you go to the police when you found out about the video?

It's not the LADO in this case, as they only manage allegations about adults working with children.

It would be general children's social care, which you can find by Google for your area or you can contact the NSPCC helpline, as they can refer you to the appropriate service.

comedycentral · 16/10/2024 10:35

Hopelessinhomecounties · 16/10/2024 08:37

I have told the school what I know. She’s not on the books anymore as of this year.

It's great that you contacted the school. I'm sure they can't provide you with information as it's private. You don't know what they've been involved with already, they could be part of a multi agency approach with this family.

You can still contact agencies like the NSPCC as it's never safe to assume what others know or what actions they've taken.

Uricon2 · 16/10/2024 10:53

You should contact the local authority children's services team or if you feel uncomfortable with that, the NSPCC (who will pass it on to the social care team) She may well already be known to them but please don't assume that, or that they have all the information about her situation, one that a baby will shortly be born into.