So sad for this teen

[Hopelessinhomecounties]

I don’t know the details of the situation but this is what I know. It’s very sad and it’s made me reflect on the luck you’re born with…
There’s a 14yo girl at school with my DD.
She is very vulnerable with an extremely difficult home life. Her mother is an alcoholic, her mother’s boyfriend is ‘not nice’. She is of no fixed abode/transient lifestyle.
The school is in an affluent commuter town just outside London, high achieving, oversubscribed.
The girl has no real friends at school as they are so different, my DD said she’s nice. Last school year she (13yo) got videoed during a sex act, with a boy. The cousin videoed it. It spread through all the kids in the town on social media.
This year, (year 10) she hasn’t come back to school. She’s pregnant. she is going to be ‘homeschooled’. She told my DD this even though my DD isn’t her friend- they just know each other through being in the odd class. DD’s just nice to her. The girl has absolutely no one on her side.
It tears my heart. That is it. Not sure there is anything I can do apart from keep speaking to my daughter and if the girl contacts her again on SM keep an eye on it and make SS aware if anything ‘off’? It hurts that things like this happen in our country and some children have nothing and no one…. 🥲

Someone clearly doesn’t know the role of the LADO.

Asking what the school did about the video is important though.

YANBU to feel sad for a girl who was raped and had child sex abuse images of her shared by a wide number of paedophiles (who happened to be children themselves, they are still committing a criminal offence by possessing/viewing/sharing the abuse images). Not really an "AIBU" question, it's obviously wrong that someone has this happen to them.

LADO is not the appropriate agency. LADO is where there are suspected concerns in respect of a member of staff working in a position of trust or otherwise in an education (or similar environment).

OP needs to contact the main number for her local children's safeguarding hub / social services at her local council. There will be an email address and phone number on the council website.

Did you call the police about the video of child sexual abuse?

Call the police. Now. It doesn't matter that it happened a while ago. She needs help.

Berating me is your greatest contribution to this thread?

@ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea and @comedycentral thanks for putting me right. I probably did know that but am unwell at the moment and my brain is full of snot and fluff. If I was in op's situation I'd be googling to make sure I was referring to the right person/agency. I'd definitely be contacting someone though.

OP, you're getting a hard time here, but I get that you are feeling helpless & upset & wanted to share that. It's good to keep it on all our radars that young people are so vulnerable.

I've worked in a big, urban secondary school for 29 years in an area of priority need: lots of social issues & poverty. I love my job: I'm where I should be. There are many, many vulnerable pupils in situations that would tear your heart apart. Our school are phenomenonal at support, but it doesn't mean that their home lives are not often grindingly awful. I can feel as sad as the OP at times when life just takes over & we lose the battle with some families/ pupils move/ leave. Our destination statistics are brilliant, but there will always be that odd pupil who slips through the net. It's heart-breaking.

In our city we have Young Person's Support Bases within a few schools- any young person expecting a child is offered a place here, where they will continue their education with the baby looked after on-site in the nursery, & a support worker to support the young person. It's wonderful.

OP, it's okay to feel sad. You can encourage your DD to keep it touch .

Would the school even divulge this to the OP though? I would assume once school is aware of the situation, they would contact the relevant authorities and initiate safeguarding procedures.

It's no problem, your intentions are the most important thing. Get well soon 😊

Thanks to those who gave useful comments.
Not sure why the tone on the other comments was quite so vicious. I was looking for helpful comments navigating a system that is clearly broken. I’ve got some and will act on those.

I will contact NSPCC too I think. That is a very helpful suggestion. Thank you.

Thanks so much @Puffalicious . I know it’s common and this is just one example. It’s so sad. You are a heroine doing that role. It must be tough but very rewarding. We need people like you 😊

to be fair Op

your Op is all about feeling sad

and not asking for helpful comments on how to navigate the system or even alluding to that

Are you being fair - There is surely something to feel about it?
I’ve got some helpful comments too so the OP was fine.

That's lovely of you, but it's not just me, I'm lucky to work in a great school. Ignore the negativity, it's good to stay in touch with our emotions & feel for others.

being fair pointing out that what you say you were looking for from this thread wasn’t mentioned or alluded to in your OP? 🫤

you've misspelled 'I was so eager to jump in with a sarcastic comment I didn't bother to read your post properly and now instead of apologising I'm doubling down and trying desperately to pick holes rather than admit I was wrong."

The boy who recorded her should be delt with by the police

Talk to SS or the RSPCA about the family set up - alcoholic mum, worrying stepdad, worried she’s vulnerable in her home life with a newborn in mix.

Ask your DD to keep in contact with her a bit.

Her daughter should be able to tell her because with a situation like that then the whole year, as a minimum, should be spoken to about why it's unacceptable and how what they did was actually illegal

Blimey , some horrible responses here.
The op is entitled to feel and say she feels sad.
She's got the situation on her mind, she's not sure what she can do.
What's the point in criticising about what is thought she hasn't done ?
Are posters not able to withhold their judgemental responses and offer advice without sneering and putting the boot in ?
Especially when they've not even noticed that the OP has said the cold is no longer at school.

Oh definitely, the whole year should be spoken to about the video. But the school won't necessarily tell the OP about the outcome of what happened with the video being shared ie they've contacted SS and SS have started the investigation. That's confidential information.

Have the other pupils at this wonderful, 'over-subscribed' school now been taught (by people in positions of responsibility at the school that they all attend) that making, posessing and sharing child pornography is a crime (as well as being immoral and wrong on many levels)?

The OP's DC should be able to tell her that much, and the school should aim to reassure parents that this much has been done (and will keep being done, every year, to prevent future incidents of this kind).

If my DD went to this school, I would want to feel confident that they followed basic safeguarding principles properly (eg informed social services about any incident like this affecting pupils), or I'd be looking to move her to a different school.

My DD wouldn’t be going to this school
or if she did, she’d have been moved by now
this is not a good school
this is a shite school