To be concerned my DD may be a target in secondary school.

[Autumnishere202]

I am on this parents group, old school group on social media which I don’t really interact with but often the posts come up on my newsfeed.

before September there was a lot of posts about schools bags / trainers for secondary school children and some of the adults comments were so sad it seems there was very short list of acceptable type of school bags etc
if someone spoke about getting something different it was commented “ no way would I sent them to secondary school in that etc “

now the Xmas posts are appearing and for the age ranging from 10 years old to 13 all the suggestions the comments almost seem copy and pasted the same reel of brands / items over and over again.

My daughter ( 11) starts secondary school next September she is not in to any of it !!!! 🤣 she’s mt first going to secondary.
she has no interest what so ever in a lot of what is being suggested.
she had a very specific like and everything is based on that.
she will not grow out of it any time soon
she doesn’t care about Nike trainers / Stanley cups or white fox hoodies actually she doesn’t care about names at all.
I suggested a Stanley last Xmas and she was like why you going to spent 35.00 on a cup.
so I didn’t because she was clearly not interested.
she’s not in to doing hair or make up ( well she is but more SFX makeup )
the way the comments from grown adults has me concerned 🙈

Try not to worry. I’m teaching in a school now where this sort of thing doesn’t matter at all. It’s a secondary school in an affluent area. Previously I worked in a school in a deprived area-50% free school meals- in that school it did matter.

She'll be fine and you need to stop buying into this competitive shizzle!

Pump up her confidence to go her own way and have the courage of her convictions and she'll be reet.

My DD goes to a pretty average inner city comp. She gives not a shite about any of this stuff. Some of her friends do but she cracks on with her own style (ie none 😂). Shes in year 10 (so aged 14) and never had any issues.
She has started wearing a tiny bit of mascara and brushing her hair. But other than that it's all pretty low key. She buys her endless nondescript hoodies and joggers from vinted but fussed about brands.

Don’t worry you’re daughter is her own person and obviously has her own style . She’s not a sheep so it’s great she not just copying everyone else. She’s a strong young lady . Be proud of her

Not fussed!

I'm not sure if it's different for boys but my eldest isn't bothered either, doesn't have a trendy brand coat or bag, has an old oppo brand phone, and was quite happy with his shoe zone trainers, though I did get him a pair of second hand Nike runners for PE just to try and ensure he wasn't too targeted!

He hasn't been bullied, despite being AUdhd, dyspraxic and not remotely interested in footie, and proudly telling practically everyone he is gay! He's made some good friends who he spends ages on video calls to every night and is enjoying high school far more than I expected him to

He goes to a big town school which has been known on and off for being a little bit rough, not SEN or private

I did tell him when he started to find 'his' people, 'look for the weird kids, we're the best ones' is along the line of the words I used. His school offers some good clubs like coding and robotics as well as sports etc which I think has helped too

Try not to worry. She will find her tribe. Not all the girls are into the branded stuff. I'd say 50/50 where I work.

I would echo what a pp said. Having worked in secondary schools for 2 decades, the brands matter more in the poorest areas. Not that it matters I just find it interesting.

Your daughter sounds great - this is how 11 year olds should be!

I have two daughters in secondary, my oldest is in yr10 and has no time for brands or names (other than a fairly obscure YouTube brand that isn't "cool" at all) and she has got on just fine and never had any sort of issues with it.

My younger one is in yr8 and wants to follow all the trends, she wants the stuff from Sephora, the solicitor de janiro perfume, white fox hoodies etc and I'm happy to get her this sort of stuff for Xmas if that's what she wants.

Don't be pressured in to it though, it's not compulsory. Although I would say it's helpful not to send them with things considered really babyish like a Smiggle bag or something because kids can be cruel and I wouldn't want to give them a great big target on their back.

Haha sol de janero not solicitor 😂

My son has just started year 7. Don't worry. The parents that post on line about this stuff will be the minority who actually care about this stuff and have made their kids care too. The majority won't care just like your daughter and so won't notice or hang around with those who notice!

Thank you
yeh I haven’t pressured her in to any of it and I don’t want to - she isn’t cheap to be fair just isn’t the same stuff 🤣🤣🙈 she is far more in to anime / Japan / art and books etc
are is autistic and has CP as well as a language disorder and she is sooo timid I do worry about her 🙈

Both my DDs are like this. The 19 year old went though secondary and college without wearing any make up or perfume and wore predominantly non brand leggings and hoodies. My 15 year old wears mascara and lipgloss but has had the same non branded plain back rucksack for the last 5 years and likes a charity shop rummage for clothes. She does love expensive perfume though and wafts round the house in a cloud of Versace, Chanel or Dior! They all find their tribe and it’s great your DD is happy and confident in her choices. That’ll stand her in good stead.

I have a DD in year 9. She is not into brands and doesn’t wear make up. When I suggested a white fox hoodie for Xmas she told me they are ugly. She wears a backpack from sports direct (not Nike) and doesn’t have a Stanley cup. She’s not bullied, has a few friends. I think it depends on the school like some PP says. DD is not popular and maybe you need all that to be popular. But there is space for teens who aren’t into all the fashionable stuff.

Ah my DD is into anime and manga too. As long as she’s happy with the situation isn’t it?

Adult with CP here if there's anything else you want to ask.

She sounds like a nice, grounded young woman. Encourage her to continue being herself. Sheep mentality often trickles down from parents to children

I think I’m panicking because we chose a Sen secondary for her but now we have been informed that although they will send her ehcp to the 2 Sen schools they have spoken and do believe mainstream can meet her needs so will send it to them as well. 😭 I wasn’t mentally prepared because everyone 4 months ago was in agreement 🙈

I remember saying to my DD that the things that make you different from the crowd at school are the things that will make you special as you get older.

That's what has happened. She was a little "odd" at school but now at college and uni she's the fun and quirky one.

Delete the FB group!!!

Good for her she knows her own mind.

DS is dyslexic and never wanted the brands either.

I know it's not the same age range, but the other day I got this bag, it was just a brand new Land Rover bag for kids with animals on them (size wise are appropriate for 5 to 7-year-olds) and that's what I've got.
And I do like to dress my children nicely, but I don't see the need to get out of my way to sleepy brands and what really got me was my partner's comment - that his bag doesn't look cool enough and the other children going comment on him. He is 5 and year 1 !
So , it is the parents who set up the kids for judgemental attitude towards what other swear from very young age. That is sad !

She'll be fine. She will find her own group of likeminded people. It's not like primary, where they're all just lumped together!
Don't buy into the other parents' own anxieties and insecurities.

Does your dd have a diagnosis and support in place? Is her senior school supportive of SEN? Does she understand that it's ok to be different and that this goes for everyone, which means the girls who like the things your dd is currently not into are also ok as they are and not try hard, from poorer areas, less cultured or classy, or less interesting as has been indicated on this thread. Live and let live is a good motto, don't be too judgemental.

she had a very specific like and everything is based on that.
she will not grow out of it any time soon
I think this is kind of cool, as long as she understand that others can be more varied and less into just one type of thing. She should totally own her 'thing' whatever it is but understand that others may not relate to this or may not gel. Yet others will totally get it and seek her out as a good friend they have something in common with.

she doesn’t care about Nike trainers / Stanley cups or white fox hoodies actually she doesn’t care about names at all.
That's ok white fox are out anyway 😂they are not really for 10/11 year olds, older teens have moved on to cooler brands. Nike trainers are just trainer, right? My dm wears them.

You'll find that Ince they are actually in senior school, they change so much so fast. Girls especially like to fit in with their peers, if not with the more mainstream ones than the subcultures. She'll find her people, but do try and teach her that tolerance goes both ways and judging girls who do like certain items of clothing or ridiculing them for being into certain brands is not cool. Practice what you preach. HTH.

She honestly could not care less what others wear haha she pays no attention to shoes someone is wearing 🤣

she’s very as her school reports will say “ passive “ and she wouldn’t say boo to a ghost.