To be concerned my DD may be a target in secondary school.

[Autumnishere202]

I am on this parents group, old school group on social media which I don’t really interact with but often the posts come up on my newsfeed.

before September there was a lot of posts about schools bags / trainers for secondary school children and some of the adults comments were so sad it seems there was very short list of acceptable type of school bags etc
if someone spoke about getting something different it was commented “ no way would I sent them to secondary school in that etc “

now the Xmas posts are appearing and for the age ranging from 10 years old to 13 all the suggestions the comments almost seem copy and pasted the same reel of brands / items over and over again.

My daughter ( 11) starts secondary school next September she is not in to any of it !!!! 🤣 she’s mt first going to secondary.
she has no interest what so ever in a lot of what is being suggested.
she had a very specific like and everything is based on that.
she will not grow out of it any time soon
she doesn’t care about Nike trainers / Stanley cups or white fox hoodies actually she doesn’t care about names at all.
I suggested a Stanley last Xmas and she was like why you going to spent 35.00 on a cup.
so I didn’t because she was clearly not interested.
she’s not in to doing hair or make up ( well she is but more SFX makeup )
the way the comments from grown adults has me concerned 🙈

I don’t care about brands as an adult but when I was at school people who wore ‘crap’ brands got bullied. It was pathetic looking back on it 🤣 There were no specific brands that people wore but there were definitely ones to be avoided! I’d say good for your DD that she seems confident enough not to care, and as long as she has that same attitude to tell anyone who might give her a hard time to do one, that’s definitely the way to be!

You described my ASD daughter at that age. She went on to mainstream but it didn't work out and then onto Sen provision. She's always had her own style. No one else in her school looked like her. She liked to custom her own clothes. She doesn't like brands very much. We just let her develope her own style.

I can honestly say she's never had a problem with other children or been teased about not wearing brands.

I like that she is happy to be herself and not follow trends.

At my dds all girl school at least half of the girls seem to be pretty quirky tbh. You only get bullied / ostracised if you are actually mean yourself. Apparently anyway.

None of my kids were into brands etc

DS1 who is nearly 18 couldnt give a toss about brand labels or even if his clothes match colourwise. He is ND though and doesnt care about being cool.

DD who is 16 isnt bothered about designer labels, buys stuff off vinted etc and so do all her friends.

DS2 who is 13 also isnt bothered about the latest trends and was identified at school last term as one of the 'influencers' in his year following a questionaire they had to answer about friends and who they go to for advice, hang out with etc. He is happy in Primark joggers and buys the exact same pair of trainers everytime he grows out of the them.

My kids have plenty of friends and as far as I am aware never been bullied for not having the latest whatever.

You are not being unreasonable to be worried, because before my kids were in secondary I was so worried. My older boys, one in particular, is such a softy, he's also a bit nerdy and has SEN. He, and his (twin) brother have been fine. If there's been any ribbing or teasing it's been minor enough to not have evoked an reaction or mention, and I have always been vocal that I will challenge and stand up for them, always.

Might be a bit different because they're boys, but from the girls I see at the school gate, it doesn't seem to be an issue.

She’ll be fine. She will find her tribe.

@mm I live in a very working class town and there's countless grown men here wearing t shirts and jumpers emblazoned with Gucci, Versace and Stone Island (and I'm 100% sure they're either fake or they've gone into debt for it). I don't find it classy at all- I find it sad, insecure and chavvy (my style is very indie/alternative- dresses with converse or DMs, and im sure they find thay "sad" and weird, so we're even!). My step dad is the same and is 1000's in credit debt from buying Lacoste and Hugo Boss shirts 🙄 I love girls like your daughter and a lot of old people from my old estate/school have since bumped into me and said that they looked up to me because I wasn't a "chav"! (Not saying the kids at your DD's school are, but they certainly were at mine in the early 2000s!)

Sounds like she won't be friends with the kids who are into the designer trendy stuff, as a teacher for 10 years I've never seen these kids pick on the kids who don't have the stuff. There are loads of kids who don't have/want the stuff

she likes everyone. No where in my post does it say she doesn’t like people who wear things like it.

Yes but the kids who like the stuff might not like her. Which is silly but that's what kids do.

Not saying dds state girls school is perfect but it would be socially unacceptable to be downright mean to someone who wasn’t cool but was otherwise nice enough. You would be seen by your peers as a bitch.

I’ve had 4 through/in secondary - all very different but not one has given any attention to brands or having the “correct” cup or bag. They have all had a perfectly nice time and made good friends. One dc is vvvv into appearance and has gone on to study design and is hoping for a theatre/film career but didn’t want particular brands at a school or need to be around people just like her. One dc is a “lad” and tbf really did want his Nike trainers but I wouldn’t have made him have them if he didn’t want them. The other 2 barely wash their faces never mind pick out branded outfits for themselves. Secondary schools are great for meeting a diverse group of kids and I guarantee there will be a group of girls swishing around in identical haircuts and bags and a group of boys in matching trainers but there will be 100s of other kids who aren’t bothered about that sort of thing. Anime and manga is a completely mainstream interest there will probably be more kids into that than Nike trainers and branded cups.

Most issues faced are intra friendship group fallings out rather than groups being mean to quirky kids.

My daughter is in year 11 now and has never followed what is the trend of the time she is also into anime and has a variety of anime themed hoodies which she loves, she has had a bit of grief from some girls but she has never let it bother her and hasn't changed herself to try and fit in which I'm proud of her for, she tends to stick to like minded kids who are into the same things she ( I suspect she is autistic too but have never had her assessed)

Mine wasn't interested at 11 and still isn't at 13. Sticks to a group of friends a few of whom look trendy and few don't . There are groups at her school who all look identical and those seem to be the groups with the massive falling outs. My daughter and her friends just aren't bothered though they are all more into makeup and skin care.

I'm pretty sure I know which group you're talking about and those kind of posts always baffle me - do people really think there's one trend for school bags for all secondary schools across the whole country??

The same goes for random requests for present ideas - surely asking the person concerned, or someone who knows them, makes more sense??