To think it is best for my children if I remain single

[OdeToMyFamilyy]

I'm 33 and a single mum of two great DC. A girl, 10 and a boy, 6. My eldest came from a long term partner who left me for someone else when I was 7 months pregnant, he has never met my daughter. My youngest was the result of a brief fling, he never wanted to be involved but I decided to go ahead with the pregnancy anyway. Both of my children have never been introduced to any men, they've only ever known it to be just the three of us. My parents divorced when I was young and I was introduced/made to live with multiple people over the years, often their children too and I'll be honest and say I absolutely hated it and this is a massive reason of why I've decided not to date. I don't want my kids going through what I did. This with the hate/jokes I see online posted about single mum's constantly by men, just makes me not want to bother. However I'm a human being and sometimes miss sex and think maybe my children would benefit from having a man in their life eventually? I really don't know. It just seems so risky. We are a tight unit and they are both so settled and secure in themselves. My son is also autistic and requires a lot of my attention at this point to help him to flourish. Does anyone have any person experience or advice? Am I a weirdo for thinking that actually, I would just rather be a single mum?

I wish more MEN behaved decently so women and children weren't at risk!!!

I raised my children alone, after divorce when the younger was 4.
I could never get over the thought of my DC having to say "Mum's boyfriend ".
I know, it's a strange thing to get stuck on, but I just couldn't do it lol.
My DC are now adults and I have married a wonderful man after being single for 22 years.
But I enjoyed my sole parent life, and my DC and I are very close.

I do hear what you're saying, OP, but I think this rhetoric of 'good single mums stay single ' makes the alternative 'only bad single mums date or want sex'. This good vs bad is what puts us back in virgin/ whore territory and we don't want that.

FWIW I've been a single parent two years and not dated at all. My friend has been dating and had a few serious relationships. We are different people, she can't be alone whilst I can tolerate lots of time on my own.
It would be wrong to judge her for wanting to be in a loving relationship, we're not all happy with a book and a gin like I am. I don't think we should judge people needing that intimacy and reciprocal bond that you get from being in a relationship. I love going on holiday on my own with the children, whilst she would just hate every second, it's horses for courses. She's not a worse mum for not wanting to live her life on her own.

In the same way, I hate it when married women or women in relationships comment that 'if they were to split up with their DH they would be single forever' but they don't know that. They don't know that they would be happy living like that, because they haven't experienced it. They are just fed up of cleaning up all the time and the lack of thanks, but they have no idea if they could hack spending every other Friday night, Saturday night, holiday, some Christmas's on their own (in a 50/50 custody split scenario).
I'm sure many of them would change their minds.

Is it better for the children? Well that again depends on the parents. If mum is depressed being single, and doesn't feel able to do X,Y,Z on her own, then no. If mum thrives, has lots of friends, enjoys her job, gets out and makes memories with her children then probably yes.

When I was single I was actively not dating but I focused just on making new friendships, I met my dp through a shared hobby and part of the attraction was how dedicated he was as a dad,putting his dc first and forging a healthy and positive co parenting relationship with his ex, despite her having left him for another guy. He pays more maintenance than the mandatory because he can afford to for example and was very present. Our dc got to meet as part of a friendship group so by the time we took the next step it already felt very safe.

I'm the same. Though my parents were still married, there was violence at home and my worst fear is finding the wrong man who affects my 9yr old DD.
I've been single 8 years and will remain so for foreseeable. However like you, I too miss sex & intimacy! It's hard but a sacrifice I'm willing to make.
Plus my DD hasn't seen her dad since she was 1, so I don't have any child free time to date!

OP has said she doesn't want to date. Why are you pushing it?

I do know some successful blended families. However they do tend to be ones where ex’s aren’t involved (I know 2 women married to widowers).

I have to say I am shocked at the number of women I know who split up with husbands/partners and within months there’s a new partner who is going on holiday etc with all the kids all over SM. It gives me the ick. They don’t usually last either.

Theres a balance in all things thought. I’d concentrate in trying to have a social life etc. you don’t know who you might meet along the way.

I have only been single two years since a long marriage and tried dating for about 6 months but didn't actually like it at all. I hated how intrusive it felt towards my life with my kids even though my kids are older. I didn't like how I was supposed to sacrifice time with my kids to see a man just to see if he was any good. I realised that I will never want to live with a man ever again and I don't even want a man to stay over and be there in the morning. I think men are hugely overrated and I throw all my energy towards my kids, myself and my friends, in that order. All are things that makes me feel good.