To ask what topics are off-limits for you when talking to others, or that you’re more selective about sharing, and why?

[CoralCrab]

I’ve been thinking about how certain topics can feel off-limits in conversations, or how we’re more selective about who we discuss them with. Whether it’s money, relationships, politics, or something else, I’m curious - what topics do you avoid bringing up with others, and why? Is it about avoiding conflict, maintaining privacy, or just personal preference?

Money. Because I’m ashamed of my financial situation and feel that people would judge me for it…

Money. I have very little money, and know people who have lots. I'm not interested in their money, and don't expect them to be interested in my lack of it. I don't want money either, so it doesn't impress me.

I won't tolerate misogyny, racism, conspiracy bullshit etc. I don't want to discuss it, but I do laugh unashamedly at people if people try to force their stupidity on me.

Vaccines, I'm anti.
Benefits, I have mental health issues and can't work.
Weight, I'm slim but never diet.
Alcohol, I'm teetotal.
Drugs, I'm anti.

As I get older I prefer to keep conversations more and more generic and superficial. I find people want to know stuff because of their own boredom or to judge, not because they’d be helpful in any shape or form. I share with my therapist stuff that is more private and needs solutions. I look back now when I used to share day to day and relationship stuff with friends, if I followed their advice or opinions I’d be way worse off.

My child’s absent father. Gossip about colleagues. Anything that my child considers personal. My views on state education.

I’m pretty open about stuff and don’t really have any taboo topics myself.

But I really don’t want to talk to anyone about Gaza, reasonable criticism of Israel is fine and warranted but it often descends into conspiracy theories and anti-semitism. I don’t want that shit in my ears.

I’m fine with people discussing menstruation, it happens to the vast majority of women. I think sometimes with daughters as well theres a usefulness in discussing it if your child is having a rough time, sometimes people make good suggestions. I also seem to be in the minority in that I don’t care if someone leaves their pad in my bin. It’s just not an issue for me.

Indeed and also it is clearly something you are quite open about @YOOHOOITSMEEE ?!!

I’ll pretty much talk about anything. I do try to avoid talking religion or politics at certain junctures and with some friends I avoid the issue of trans-rights as they are very dogmatic but otherwise I’m an open book.
Oh but I won’t talk about other people’s things. I never break confidences.

I’m a very private person, definitely not an oversharer! I never discuss politics, religion, money etc with people outwith my very close circle of family and friends, even then, I don’t discuss my financial situation with anyone. Personally, I don’t feel I need to share every opinion or thought that comes into my head with others.

I'll talk about anything but I won't share my views on most of it thars what MN is for I'll listen to other people's views happily enough.

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

I don't talk about my background.
I live, work and socialise in a very middle to upper middle class section of society where everyone has normal extended families that they gather with regularly and holiday homes and second properties that they rent out and excellent salaries and everything in their lives is great.
I'm in this weird twilight world where I'm from a completely dysfunctional background, my extended family remains dysfunctional, my childhood was unhappy and financially deprived, I'm struggling to death with money and struggle to keep a roof over my head let alone have the luxury of a second home, yet everyone I work and socialise with assumes I'm exactly the same as them.
But I'm so obviously not.
I don't tell them I'm not. I fear rejection.

Ah, I've just thought of another one: medical conditions and / or surgery.

Obviously this doesn't cover asking how people are or making sure somebody with, say, a chronic condition is doing well, but nobody apart from your doctor, partner or immediate family needs the gory details.

I met a woman recently at a mutual friend's party who, within 30 minutes, had told me EVERYTHING about her recent gynae surgery - I left the conversation feeling as though I had read her medical notes. It was utterly bizarre that she felt that sharing that level of incredibly intimate detail with a stranger was appropriate.

I've often found that people are only happy speaking about themselves.! Or will turn the conversation round to be about them.
Topics I tend to avoid are religion and politics

Really interesting thread!

I have a lot of controversial and minority views and opinions that I know upset and anger a lot of people so I usually only talk about delicate topics with my closest family and friends. Or if someone specifically asks about my views and opinions on controversial topics. But other than that, I don't really bring controversy into my conversations with people at work, acquaintances, etc.

Additionally, I don't really care about other people's views and opinions. As the saying goes: opinions are like assholes...everyone's got one (and they tend to be shitty). So I don't assume anyone cares about my views and opinions, either (as they shouldn't).

My husband and children's nationality. Not a popular country at the moment.

The only thing that I won’t discuss( or I would either get cross or lose friends) is anything to do with animal welfare so if someone says they bought a rabbit & its cage is great then shows me a pic of a 30cm x 30cm cage or if someone says they’re having to ‘get rid’ of their pet as their shifts have changed/nana’s suddenly allergic, I just clam
up, change the subject & leave because I’m FAR too opinionated on this subject. I can talk about money, salary, vaccs, politics & have a lovely calm debate.

Gaza - it makes me too emotional and if someone is too far gone on the other side then it will forever taint my view of their personality. Better to just avoid.

Our financial situation - people can get funny with you over it and also most of our situation/future plans are very much in flux/vulnerable to all sorts of external factors, so no point in sharing them with others when they'll likely change multiple times over next few years anyway.

Sex life - it's personal to me and DH, not interested in sharing.

Unfortunately DH is a MASSIVE over-sharer - this is something we have argued about as he just seems to have no filter whatsoever. I've joined convos half-way through where he's describing our investments in detail to friends and I'm thinking whhyyyy?! He also told PIL we were TTC - again, whyyyy?! He also brought up the middle east conflict as a conversation filler at a social dinner party the other night - totally clueless as to the mixed audience and why it might create issues. Whenever I bring it up with him he gets in a huff and says he hates having to think twice before he discusses "anything" with "anyone". 🙄Not sure how to deal with it as sex and finances are pretty obvious no-no's for most British people so I'm not sure why he missed that particular social etiquette lesson!

Oh also I work with a massively diverse group of people so always avoid religion, trans rights, geopolitics, UK politics and anything vaguely controversial at work!

Honestly nothing. I don't mind people having different opinions. I'm even happy to talk to a trump or farage supporter, even though I'm definitely not. Although, they'll probably not want to talk to me.

I wouldn't always share anything too personal but that's about it.

I never discuss politics, religion, my sex life or world affairs with anyone.
When I'm out for coffee or lunch, I want the conversation to be lighthearted. To be honest none of the people I go out with are interested in talking about "heavier" subjects.

Sex.

I'm not a prude or frigid. But I don't understand why it's so in there days to discuss the finer details of what goes on in the bedroom.

I have a friend who desperately overshares about her and her DHs exploits in the bedroom. I mean I'm not daft, clearly people have sex, and good for them! But I'm old fashioned in that I don't need to know all the details of it.

So I finally, after her saying she always felt I tried to change the subject, told her it makes me uncomfortable. She took this as an excuse to call me jealous and that obviously DH and I no longer indulge.

I said we do, I just don't broadcast it or feel I have to to justify our marriage.

She now has the arse with me but oh well
DH is the same as me in that respect, some things are private!

I think it does depend on your relationship with a person, but with new or casual acquaintances I would say definitely politics, religion, health and sex are the obvious ones to avoid. I also avoid Covid as a topic, as I believe that the severity of the whole thing was just massively exaggerated, but there are still people out there who test and take it seriously, so it's easier to avoid the subject.
More generally, less is more. I can't bear people who just talk about themselves all the time - if I want to know your job, whether you have kids, how marvellous you are at X and Y, then I will ask you!

Exactly this. So incredibly toxic and divisive

I agree with a lot of these serious topics but on a lighter note, there are a very small number of people who know I am a huge Kpop fan in my fifties.

Once or twice I have hinted at it and people just don't get it. That's ok, I don't expect everyone to get it but people seem much more mean about it than if I said I was a huge (insert western artist) fan.

I never discuss sex, never have other than maybe in the abstract. It's private.

I avoid discussions about pregnancy, fertility, abortion and adoption because it's sensitive to me and I know my views don't align with most of my peer group and most are very narrow minded about their views. This irritates me as I respect their views differ, but don't see that respect returned.

I try not to discuss my kids ND and SEN issues with people who are not in the same position not because of their views but their cluelessness upset me and makes me (irrationally) frustrated.

I don't discuss money because Dh and I have become a lot wealthier than many of our friends and I don't think its appropriate.

I was and still am vehemently against independence. During the campaign I never mentioned it but the way the yes camp conducted themselves was shameful.