To find it inappropriate when men ask me for a hug?

[CandidHare]

I’ve noticed that some men - both acquaintances and people I don’t know that well - ask me for hugs, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I’m not sure if I’m overthinking it, but I find it a bit inappropriate, especially when the context doesn’t call for it. It feels like an invasion of personal space, and I often don’t know how to say no without making things awkward.

AIBU to feel this way? Do others find it uncomfortable when men (or anyone) ask for hugs, or is this just a normal social gesture that I should be okay with?

I was cross about something at work once and a man said ‘can I give you a hug?’ To which I replied ‘no, I don’t even know you.’ It was so out of character for me to not be polite and I was so proud of myself.

I'm not a hugger even with my closest friends. I'm.different when in a romantic relationship.

Have you got an example of who’s doing it? Who’s asking?

I’ve said ‘No, sorry, I don’t like hugs’ before, or that I only hug people I know well.

Its completely reasonable to refuse.

If i was angry at work and someone offered me a hug I would find it quite patronising- like trying uo soothe a child.

What's the context, OP?

I think a short, light hug as a greeting or farewell is pretty normal between friends. It's an unspoken thing though!

On the other hand, explicitly asking someone for a hug is odd, unless the person is genuinely upset and seeking comfort (and even then, I think I'd feel uncomfortable about a man asking me).

It’s usually men who seem to be interested in me.

J'ai pensé que Prince Andrew a dit
"I don't do that anymore, in fact that's not even my hand in that photo".

I agree with you! A light hug as a greeting/farewell between friends is normal and unspoken. But when someone explicitly asks for a hug, especially if they’re not close to me or it’s not about offering comfort, it feels a bit off, especially when it’s men who seem interested in me.

I've never really thought about it. I don't think anyone has asked if they can hug me, usually it's a natural instinct.

I'm with you OP, very odd and creepy. It sounds like they are looking for an excuse to cop a feel!

I’m not sure I’ve experienced this. I’ve had men flirt with me, give compliments, look at me in a certain way, ask for my number etc if they’ve been after me, but not ask for hugs. That does seem quite strange. You are of course always reasonable to say no and refuse if this is not something you want to partake in.

Yes, I don’t think any adult, of either sex, has ever asked me for a hug in 52 years of knowing a fairly wide variety of people from different countries!

I can't put my finger on why, but I'm wondering if you are quite curvy and also quite a warm, open person? I've observed this is a phenomenon!

I'm a hugger, prefer a hug to a handshake

YANBU say no

But in your head note it as a compliment you must give off a friendly vibe. No one asks me for a hug

When it’s men who are interested in you it’s creepy. Trying to get some physical contact in a situation where it’s awkward for you to decline. Try saying “I’m not a hugger”. A lot of people genuinely aren’t so it should be recognised as a normal excuse these days.

I’m not much of a hugger but not totally against them with friends. But with a man I didn’t know well I’d just laugh and say “nah I’m not really a hugger”.

I just say 'oh no, I don't do hugs' with a big grimace.

I’ve never been offered a hug - just my kids have hugged me. 🤣🤣

It's about finding the language to head it off as the pass. Some phrases that I have adopted... please feel free to use...

"Woah - no physical contact please! It's not you, it's me!"

Also stepping back as they come in and saying, "I might have covid / measles / leprosy".

"Please don't make contact with me with any part of your body you're not prepared to lose."

Why do the huggers think their need to hug overrules the need to not have your personal space invaded?

I must say I don't do hugs apart from with some one I'm very close to.
I also don't like shaking hands and absolutely hate cheek kissing as a greeting.
I think it's really cheeky for people you don't know well to ask for hugs.

Where has all this hugging come from? We never used to do it.

Don't ever ask me for a hug.

Just fuck off

Bloody men and their creepy intentions