Another MIL issue!

[Farmyardscene]

MIL has form for become very over-involved especially with BIL and SIL. DH and I have taken DCs on a UK holiday. It’s only a couple of hours drive from our house.

MIL is annoyed at us because we didn’t let her know we have arrived safe? DH woke
up to loads of messages and calls from her panicking. We’ve got babies and we arrived late so just wanted to get them sorted then have a glass of wine and relax ourselves. I feel like she’s starting to spiral into over-involvement in our lives. AIBU? Would you still let your mum know when you’ve arrived somewhere?!

@Farmyardscene , cut her a bit of slack. This is the worry of someone who cares which is lovely. She may have been a bit over the top but you can talk to her and reassure her that you can help her not to worry in future. How about sharing your live location? Then she can be peaceful.

I can go weeks without hearing from my mum. My DH mum txts about once a week.
Yeah I think your MIL is a bit OTT.
Nice to have a close family who care.. but expecting a text to say you've arrived on holiday safely the same night... that's really odd.
I'd not expect that from a family with kids after a long journey. They have enough to do without texting all the relatives.
I mean it would have been fine of her to text 'hope you've arrived safely abd have a good holiday' and wait till the morning for a reply.
But repeatedly texting abd then calling when she got no reply there and then is utterly ridiculous.

2hr drive or weekend away no but longer travel yes I do let my DM know but if I forgot she wouldn't send loads of messages and harass me about it

Totally this. Of course you've arrived safely. Her obsession/anxiety/whatever is her problem to deal with, not yours. In fact, start telling her less - she doesn't really need to know that you've gone away, does she?

I think a really quick message to say we are here talk tomorrow as all tired would have been OK. I think it's OK to want to know you all arrived safely. Lots of missed calls and messages though is a bit over the top!

Nonsense.

This sort of stuff doesn't some from a place of concern, it comes from a need to control and be seen.

When I was younger I’d resent the implication that I wasn’t invincible/independent, but as I have got older I am kinder to my parents expressions of care.

@AffIt , it must be amazing to know the inner thoughts of every human on the planet. How do you keep up?

I agree, my DH lets his mum know when we've arrived somewhere safely after travelling, I'd see it as a courtesy thing.

Conversely, she'd never send repeat texts or calls or get annoyed if he didn't! As an anxious person myself, I do think MIL's reaction was OTT, she needs to take responsibility for her anxiety, maybe look into CBT.

To the people who say go they always text to let their parents know they got there ok, do you speak to your family every day?

I just find it strange, you could be anywhere on a day where you haven't spoken to them, so why do they need to know you've arrived somewhere safely?

@Icanthinkformyselfthanks share my live location with MIL, are you mad?! We have security cameras and DH once shared the log in with her because he wanted her to watch out for a delivery. A few weeks later she text when we went out to ask where we were going! The password was changed after that. She must have been logging in a lot to see what we were up to.

I'm afraid that I am guilty of this. If my husband goes out locally I don't expect him to text on arrival but I am always unsettled until he gets back. (He doesn't know this). A very dear family friend was killed on a 15 minute journey so I guess that colours my thinking.